To not understand why people go on about being attractive

[BoomtownCatss]

Im in a bit of a low period right now, have gained weight and although I'm quite small I feel dumpy and ugly - I feel like I go through phases where I feel quite attractive and then it just goes.

Lately someone at work was going on about how she had overheard a conversation where a group of men weee discussing her band saying she was so good-looking... I like her but am a bit envious if I'm honest - I'm well educated, good degree etc and working in a prestigious finance organisation. She has similar job without degree (they do a school leavers programme), has a serious boyfriend, is very good-looking and will be on the same (pretty high) salary as me next year.

She is seven years younger than me (18) and has everything I want tbh! And I just didn't know how to respond to what she was saying? I've had similar in the past (not now!) and would purposely not go on about it!!

[CruCru]

I find it quite odd when someone repeatedly mentions how good looking they are.

[haveacupoftea]

If you weren't feeling down on yourself you'd be laughing at the immaturity of a teenager telling everyone how someone said she was good looking. And would you really want to be in a serious relationship and job at 18? I don't know about you but I'm glad I got my partying days over and done with in my late teens/early twenties.

[Dfg15]

I never understand this either - or when people go on about everyone saying they don't look their age.

[RJnomore1]

I'd suspect she's saying it because she is just as insecure of her looks as you are.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

She mentioned it how many times - once?

It's fine to say you're good looking. I'm good looking. I'm not going to say I'm not. It's not anything to be ashamed of. I wouldn't walk round going "oh look at me I'm so fine" or anything like that. But I wouldn't pretend I thought I was unattractive.

You yourself say you to through periods of feeling attractive, so you know you are too.

[QueenMortificado]

If you weren't feeling down on yourself you'd be laughing at the immaturity of a teenager telling everyone how someone said she was good looking

Exactly. Truly beautiful people have beauty that extends beyond looks and modesty is a big part of that. She should zip it and let people decide for themselves if she is beautiful.

[daisychain01]

Don't worry about what she has. You have a lot going for you, judging on the things you've mentioned.

Comparison is the thief of joy. We all have different gifts to offer the world and the good thing is they are all unique. You have what she has not.

[Bluntness100]

She's 18, she's probably just feeling flattered. Don't feel jealous, you've a great job, a degree, have tons going for you and just feel a bit down at the moment.💐

[ComtesseDeSpair]

Is it any different to making sure people know you're well educated with a good degree and earn a good salary working in a prestigious organisation? I don't mean that in a snide way, but is what you said in your post any different to your colleague talking about being good-looking? Aren't you both just talking about some of your best points and things you're happy about for yourself? Unless she's constantly going about telling people how gorgeous everyone thinks she is, which is both arrogant and tedious, it sounds pretty harmless. She feels good about her looks, that's positive. It's a shame you feel so down about yours, you need to build that element of your confidence.

[WorraLiberty]

She's 18. Lots of teenagers rabbit on about things that many older people wouldn't.

This is more about you than it is about her.

[RiverdaleJughead]

When people are the most insecure they almost try to convince others that they're beautiful in order to convince themselves. She's practically a child and I have noticed through working with a couple of 18 year olds that they tend to be slightly socially unaware or inept because they haven't grown into themselves yet, they're also usually obnoxious and think they know everything at this stage.

[RiverdaleJughead]

But at the same time you do need to take a look at yourself and realise that you're jealous and that this is your problem, not hers x

[corythatwas]

WorraLiberty Sat 18-Mar-17 13:06:20
"She's 18. Lots of teenagers rabbit on about things that many older people wouldn't.

This is more about you than it is about her."

This.

[TWOBANANAS]

You show me one single person who isn't insecure about how they look and I'll show you a liar.

[Funnyonion17]

She's most likely made it up. I had a friend who did this often, nobody witnessed it like. It sounds awful but she was far from attractive, yet everyday it was a different story of how some randomer stopped her during her commute on the bus to tell her how beautiful she was.

I don't really see what she has that you don't? Same job, salary. So you both got the job using different avenues. It doesn't really matter.

[WorraLiberty]

I'm hoping you've not given enough context actually OP.

Lately someone at work was going on about how she had overheard a conversation where a group of men weee discussing her band saying she was so good-looking

In what way was she telling you? Was she embarrassed about what they were saying? Annoyed about it? Proud of it?

And was it just this one conversation?

[WorraLiberty]

Why has she most likely made it up?

[Yamadori]

Her band? AFAIK most people in bands would much rather people complimented them on their musicianship skills and singing voice than on their appearance.

[WorraLiberty]

I'm pretty sure 'band' was a typo for 'and'.

I could be wrong though.

[ohdoadoodoo]

I don't know anyone who hasn't been jealous about someone else or insecure about their looks at one time or another (or constantly!).

It's human nature to want what others have. Don't beat yourself up.

As someone else said, comparison is the thief of joy!

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

I think you are meant to agree and at 18 I was flattered by any attention and self absorbed

We do place far to much emphasis on how people look but I'm as she gets older she will realise that it's isn't so important we all wish at times we were different just try to to dwell on it

My mother still goes on about how attractive she was and she was but it's sad she didn't realise she was worth more than just being attractive

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

Not to dwell on it ....

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I went through a phase of repeating every compliment back to family and friends and my then new partner ,now DH but it was just a phase brought on by massive insecurity and low self esteem after over a decade of living with abusive exh who would regularly tell me I was fat/ugly/funny looking/whatever and that no one would ever look twice at me if I split up with him etc. All classic DA behavior to control me obviously but at the time it had worked on me after so many years of it. I look at myself in pics now from years ago and I would kill to look like that now weeps . I'm sure I must have come across as vain and full of myself during that phase but sometimes it can be caused by the complete opposite and this girl might just be very insecure deep down and seeking reassurance that she is nice/ attractive etc.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

comparison is the thief of joy I like that . Reminds me of that line in Desiderata about not comparing yourself to others as always will be people with greater or lesser fortune (ilk) than you.

[3luckystars]

Where is the job that you can have a 'pretty high' salary at 19 without a degree! Tell me please!