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AIBU?

To try to talk my sis out of this? (Money)

24 replies

Tulips12 · 18/03/2017 10:14

Hi
Really just wanted to get this off my chest because I feel I am being U about it but I feel sad and sort of wondering if I could – or should – do something about this. Sorry if long.

I am single and childfree and so is my sister. We are both in our 40s. She has been lonely and found it hard to make friends all her life. She doesn’t like my friends.

She has been unemployed about half her life (choice). She has also spent a lot while doing this. I don’t enjoy office work either, but life has to be paid for.

We received an inheritance a few years back. We were both living in studio flats in a rough area. I used mine to move to a better place. I’d have bought a place with her but she thought people would think we were weird!

She used most of her inheritance to live on while not working. It wasn’t a large amount and she’s a big spender. She has some left and has now taken a job purely to be able to sign on the mortgage for a new flat. It is literally a “new” flat (not finished yet) and the service charges are very high – nice gardens, gym in block etc etc Due to it being brand new, it is also very expensive – she could have bought a nice flat for much much less money.

I asked her if she was confident about paying the mortgage and charges given her work history and she said “no, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have to sell it and move somewhere crappy again – probably within a year if I leave this job and can’t get another”. She already hates the job she took and the people there - and has had issues getting references in the past. She doesn’t seem to register all the costs of moving etc and also she is heading for 50 and I hear a lot of talk about over 50s finding it hard to get jobs.

Am I being U to be worried about this? She hasn’t paid the deposit on the flat yet but with it being new I think it could go through to deposit very fast as surveys etc won’t take that much time. Am I being U to sit her down and say “what the hell are you thinking?” Generally I prefer to leave adults to make their own choices but the chances of getting money back if you have to sell a new flat in a year…?

I must admit to an extra thing – I feel she is getting more and odd as time goes by and I don’t enjoy spending time with her. And, it’s quite far away….from what she said she expects us to just to do weekend visits but it’s quite hard to spend a couple of hours with her over a cup of tea, much less do weekends!

Would anyone here talk to her about it or just let her get on with it? I suppose there’s an argument that if she really can’t pay bills she will have to stick with her job?

thanks for listening if you got this far!

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stonecircle · 18/03/2017 10:26

Well of course I would talk to my sister if I thought she might be making a mistake! I wouldn't tell her I thought she was wrong but I would try and make helpful suggestions. Maybe find a few more suitable properties and ask her to go and view them with you?

Service charges are a killer - got to be paid even once the mortgage is paid off and can increase dramatically.

I wouldn't interfere if it was just a friend, but my sister - most definitely. But I have a close relationship with mine - sounds like you perhaps don't with yours?