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School rewarding 8 yr olds for bad behaviour

(702 Posts)
Pugwash2005 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:00:37

My ds and his friends have been complaining because the 4 'naughty' children in their class have a tea party every Friday afternoon if they get over 12 'smileys' in a week, 2 'good' children are also picked to go along. There was an incident in school with one of the challenging pupils but he was still allowed to the party. Ds & I along with other mums think this party is making other children feel they are not rewarded for their good behaviour along with the fact that even when naughty these 4 kids get rewarded. Your opinions on this would be great

Hoppinggreen Sat 18-Mar-17 10:04:40

Unfortunately from my experience of dcs school this is how it is. At my daughters leavers assembly the good citizenship trophy went to a boy who had been threatened with expulsion the week before!!
They need strategies to cope with disruptive pupils and if this works then that's what they will do. I explained to my DD that some children find sitting still and being quiet as hard as she finds advanced maths!!!
I also feel that if the more difficult pupils ARE behaving through these strategies then it benefits my children too as they are able to learn without the distraction of other children misbehaving.
It's not ideal but if it works then it works

helpimitchy Sat 18-Mar-17 10:21:34

I don't think it's the done thing to punish children now. It's all about behaviour manipulation now and it's also taken for granted that good kids will behave well regardless, so they end up being taken for granted.

People believe that developing good self esteem and encouraging rather than punishing is better at helping a misbehaving child behave, but the reality often is that they just see it as an easy ride and then get to take the piss because there's no punishment anyway.

This is why my well behaved child has had to be withdrawn from school due to chronic bullying (and ongoing class disruption) and the bullies being mollycoddled and 'reasoned with' rather than punished hmm

This has been going on for years now and has probably contributed to the unpleasant, selfish me, me, me speshul snowflake population we now have.

ThatsWotSheSaid Sat 18-Mar-17 10:27:55

The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life. A small sense of injustice is worth it if the teachers can help the children who present with challenging behaviour have these things too.

MrsJamin Sat 18-Mar-17 10:28:44

That's awful behaviour management and should be challenged.

Pugwash2005 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:29:16

I understand the reward approach but why are they rewarded even after an incident? My ds is genuinely happy when they get rewarded with the highest number of smilies per day & reports back to me each day as to whether an incident has occurred or if they've had a good day.

whatsleep Sat 18-Mar-17 10:29:54

Firstly these children are not 'naughty' they probably have ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum.

We use similar rewards in our class for the children like this who struggle to manage. Might be worth talking to your daughter about the fact that everyone is different, and some children need more support to make the right choices and manage changes to routine. I would imagine that whilst you think the tea party is a huge elaborate treat, it is actually a social group to aid these children in fitting in. Teaching them turn taking, conversational skills, managing their emotions etc. I know from a child's point of view it appears unfair but in reality your child is learning that some children are different to her and need a different approach to help them cope. The children in our class are now 10 years old and now offer support to their peers, offering compliments when they make good choices and telling the adults if they have noticed them doing something really well and deserving to gain a tick on their sheet. It might seem unfair at the minute but school are just doing all they can to support and include all children.

zzzzz Sat 18-Mar-17 10:31:29

The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life.


Pugwash2005 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:31:36

helpimitchy ...sorry to hear that bullying should not be tolerated!

LindyHemming Sat 18-Mar-17 10:31:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloosh Sat 18-Mar-17 10:33:01

I'd agree this is the way a lot of schools are managed (and it doesn't work from what I see). Another school I know puts many resources into tricky kids in the first year or two to help with socialisation. They have much better behaviour in the later years because the kids feel they belong (that's what a couple to teacher friends tell me).

Mistoffelees Sat 18-Mar-17 10:34:24

Please don't encourage your son to report back, I have a boy in my class who is very concerned about whether other children have been 'good' or not and it's tiresome, he ends up concentrating on that rather than his own work.

zzzzz Sat 18-Mar-17 10:34:36

My ds.,,..,,,reports back to me each day as to whether an incident has occurred or if they've had a good day.

shock might it be better to suggest talking about his own day confused

Increasinglymiddleaged Sat 18-Mar-17 10:35:15

Your DS seems a bit obsessed with the naughty children why does he report back every day. I'd probably say to DD 'how would you like to be in that group' and she would be shock. I think 8 is old enough to understand that being with the majority is the best outcome and to concentrate on yourself and not others.

The school have to cope somehow with very challenging children. I would be more worried about them disputing dd's education/ making her life a misery. If she was happy then meh.

Pugwash2005 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:36:01

I haven't labelled these children the kids in the class call them this hence the ''
I worked alongside some these children in they are challenging but were managing to control themselves in previous years

SuburbanRhonda Sat 18-Mar-17 10:36:09

Your child gives you a daily report about other children's behaviour? hmm

corythatwas Sat 18-Mar-17 10:37:29

"The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life."

As the mother of two children without behavioural problems, I absolutely agree with this.

SuburbanRhonda Sat 18-Mar-17 10:38:46

What do you mean by "I worked alongside some of these children"?

Please tell me you weren't TA in these children's class and are now discussing their behaviour with your child?

TheTAW Sat 18-Mar-17 10:39:11

I work in a school and see this happening all too often much to the annoyance of many of my colleagues. It undermines the teachers as the children aren't afraid of sanctions as going to the Headteacher's office usually results in an hour spent colouring or playing with lego.

Cheby Sat 18-Mar-17 10:41:19

This sounds shit. I think it's just going to teach the rest of the class to not give a shit because they will never be offered the same rewards as those 4. It's a bit like collective punishment.

zzzzz Sat 18-Mar-17 10:41:24

Staff at your school are pissed if at the reward systems they set up and run TAW hmmconfused

SuburbanRhonda Sat 18-Mar-17 10:41:42


How come you work in a school and yet don't understand how your school manages challenging behaviour?

zzzzz Sat 18-Mar-17 10:42:42

It's my experience that the children understand and are accommodating while the parents are more problematic.

SuburbanRhonda Sat 18-Mar-17 10:42:54

In what way is it like collective punishment chelby?

Pugwash2005 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:43:35

I volunteer at an external group

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