to be narked at family who only contact you when they want something?

(40 Posts)
TheTurnOfTheScrew Sat 18-Mar-17 09:03:16

NOT financial BTW - my sister is considerably richer than me.

However, she only contacts me when she wants a favour.
This week's example. Missed my DC's birthday - no card, no text.
Texts me this morning. "think I missed DC's birthday. Anyway <spouse> would like to talk to your DH about XYZ (a matter in which DH has professional experience). Can your DH ring us tomorrow?"

We have never met my sister's husband, and were not invited to the wedding, although our other sibling was. Sister has never been to the house we've lived in for almost a decade. Admittedly we are 200miles away, but have visited her probably every other year.

DH has no intention of talking to this bloke, and I don't blame him. But equally I have no appetite for a row. I don't really know where the AIBU is in this one, but my sister has pissed me off before 9 o'clock, which IMO is a hanging offence in its own right.

Happyandhungry Sat 18-Mar-17 09:06:00

You weren't invited to their wedding and they missed your child's birthday and then glossed over it whilst asking for a favour? And you're worried about falling out with them? hmm 200 miles is noy that far thats just an excuse. Bin them off.

Mumzypopz Sat 18-Mar-17 09:16:53

Why on earth were you not invited to your Sisters wedding, but another Sister was?

TheTurnOfTheScrew Sat 18-Mar-17 09:19:51

Re: the wedding non-invite - she wanted to keep numbers intimate, so they could all fit in the smallest room at the register office.

ClaudiaWankleman Sat 18-Mar-17 09:23:07

No response is the best response in this situation.

Or a 'Sorry, who is this?' If you're petty.

She clearly doesn't care about you - don't let your generosity be abused by her!

elodie2000 Sat 18-Mar-17 09:24:16

You owe them nothing! Put it out of your mind! What is she going to do? Phone back and tell you off for not following her instructions?

LittleIda Sat 18-Mar-17 09:25:01

Ignore the phone calls asking for help. You can forget all about it like they forgot to invite you to the wedding and dc birthday

unlimiteddilutingjuice Sat 18-Mar-17 09:26:15

I work in welfare rights and have several "friends" and family members who I only hear from when something goes wrong with their claims!
It sucks. But I help them anyway because I'm soft.

RitaMills Sat 18-Mar-17 09:30:10

Ah I know the feeling. DP is a tradesman so when any family members need his particular skill (for free or mates rates mostly) we get a once in a blue moon phonecall. It's fucking annoying as when we never hear from these people yet DP has to give up his one day off per week to work at their house for peanuts (if he's lucky).

Happyandhungry Sat 18-Mar-17 09:35:45

I don't get why you all just roll over and do it? Maybe I am a soft touch. We have electricians and plumbers in the family, we live near my BIL but we'll always be almost over appreciative if he does any work for us and cook him dinner etc and do favours in return. Otherwise I would expect him to charge us for private work like other people that asked for a favour.

EweAreHere Sat 18-Mar-17 09:42:39

I'd just ignore the text.

If she persists, give him his work number and tell her they can book an appointment.

lessthanBeau Sat 18-Mar-17 09:45:38

Keeping numbers down for a wedding? Didn't you say you're her sister? Or do you have another half dozen sister's who also weren't invited? Unless the other sister was the only one in the room, this would have been the NC moment for me!

WatchHowISoar Sat 18-Mar-17 09:47:29

Agreeing with ClaudiaWankleman here: ignore or who is this.

I think there's being a soft touch and being a mug. I know I've been the latter before: if you find yourself fed up and frustrated most of the time by some people then drop them, or at least give yourself distance and refuse.

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 18-Mar-17 09:50:54

Funny there's another thread in AIBU at the moment where lots of posters are telling the OP to financially help out her brother who she's had hardly any contact with. People don't seem to have any idea that just because you are family it doesn't mean that you have to be take advantage of by them.

couchparsnip Sat 18-Mar-17 09:53:37

YANBU. No apology for missing DCs birthday? They are wanting your DH to ring them? Ignore and block -they are taking the piss.

Chloe84 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:02:24

I don't get why you visit them every other year? They make no effort with you and didn't invite you to their wedding.

Just ignore her texts about the favour.

If she calls you about it say 'think I missd your text. Anyway, can you [ask favour]'

Chloe84 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:03:01

And no more cards for them!

YouTheCat Sat 18-Mar-17 10:07:51

Stop visiting.

Don't engage.

Witchend Sat 18-Mar-17 10:34:05

Doesn't every family have one of those?
Only in touch when they want something or want to brag about something?

Dh can sometimes be abrupt, but I did laugh one time when they phoned early morning, and he didn't bother with "hello" but said "what do you want this time?" (they wanted certain baby equipment that we were still using and were most put out to find we weren't going to immediately leap in the car and drive it over-quite a distance, because they needed it. Actually they weren't going to get their sticky mitts on it at all)

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 18-Mar-17 11:08:50

I might have been prepared to forgive not being invited to their wedding. Maybe. But you being asked to call them because they need something from your husband? Fuck that! People who need to beg favours should be prepared to put themselves out.

I'm not sure what you get out of this family "relationship", if anything. Time to re-think the whole thing.

Shouting "you've got a bloody nerve!" or "go to hell" down the phone could be very satisfying.

TheTurnOfTheScrew Sat 18-Mar-17 11:34:15

thank you all for validating my crossness!

After the wedding non-invitation last year I decide to make less effort, and haven't visited since. It wasn't about going non-contact, but more realising that our relationship was getting increasingly one-sided, and that it was ok to match my level of effort in maintaining it to hers.

I've not responded. If she rings, I'm not going to call her out (because I am a mug), but I AM going to keep things brief and explain that we're very busy this weekend, and next weekend would be better. It's not a lie, we have got a lot on this weekend, but I'd make time for someone who I thought would genuinely appreciate it.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 18-Mar-17 11:36:59

She serves no purpose in your lives, cut her off.

Falafelings Sat 18-Mar-17 11:37:15

Your plan is good.

Also don't respond to the text. If questioned say you forgot

emmyrose2000 Sun 19-Mar-17 00:43:17

If my sibling didn't invite me to their wedding, I'd cut them off permanently. Even more galling when they do invite the other sibling/s! Sister obviously doesn't care about you, so why are you giving her any consideration at all?

TheTurnOfTheScrew Sun 19-Mar-17 09:42:18

Update (for anyone bored enough to be interested):

She left a voicemail on my landline while I was out in the afternoon, saying that her DH really wanted to speak to mine before Monday. I sent a text saying I was sorry I'd not got been in touch quicker, but was having a manic weekend (tru dat). I said DH was at work until very late that evening, and would be today as well (also true), but DH would be happy call the following weekend (less true, but, y'know).

Radio silence.

She is evidently pissed off that he and I are prioritising other stuff. I don't think she's used to that from anyone grin.

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