To think my husband is being a git about sleeping arrangements ?

[LadyTennantofTardis]

He is just back from being away with work all week. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. He didn't even ask how I was when he got back. He is quite tall at 6ft. I am 5ft 2 and a size 14 so not huge (apart from the bump). I am on crutches due to SPD and need a pregnancy pillow. Every might when we go to bed, he roughly gets into bed, often catching me with his elbows, complains he doesn't have enough room. Last night his elbow was in my face so I asked him to move it. He got up, got his jeans on, complained that I take too much room in the bed and he cant move in the bed, went out to his car, got a blow up mattress and slept on the floor downstairs. He seems to be blaming me but I'm not sure what for.

[Lilaclily]

I know it's not excuse but is he tired and ratty from working away all week ?
Have you got something nice planned for the weekend ?
Or is it always like this with him huffing and moaning etc ?

[LadyTennantofTardis]

Yes he is tired and grumpy. Yes he is always like like. BTW I work four days per week, including one day traveling three hours each way to London and back on Wednesday, and looking after our 4 year old. He also says that it makes him depressed that the house is so messy.

[JeffJarrett]

He's being passive aggressive with you about something. Seems a lot for just the bed situation. Speak to him and see if you can find out the underlying cause. You know yourself if your relationship is otherwise fine.

I would expect him to be more attentive and interested and want to speak to you if he's been working away all week though.

[LadyTennantofTardis]

No nothing planned for weekend, we are both tired. He will take our daughter out for a walk, I cant with my SPD.

[Lilaclily]

Oh dear, maybe he should clean it then

In all seriousness it doesn't sound much fun for you at the moment, I hope you have nice family and friends around to support you , I'd be having a serious chat with him about how miserable he's making you

[Gubbins]

He is an arse. I suggest he spends the weekend tidying, while you spend it with your feet up, growing a baby.

[LadyTennantofTardis]

I also get up with our daughter every day including weekends. He usually sleeps till 10.00 I am normally up between 6.30 and 7.00. He does do washing up and cooks for our daughter. So it's not like he is lazy. He is working very hard. But I get no affection at all from him.

[Soubriquet]

Maybe time for separate sleeping arrangements? Me and dh sleep away from each other. Much better. I actually sleep at night instead of being jostled awake or fiddled with due to his sexsomnia

[StewieGMum]

He doesn't exactly scream great partner and father. You do most of the housework and childcare despite working 4 full days a week (one with 3 hour commute) and having SPD in pregnancy?

Frankly, Id be suggesting he sleeps in another house rather than the couch.

[LadyTennantofTardis]

We cant really, no extra bedrooms. I have thought about this before as he snores terribly (I have ear plugs). I have slept in my daughters room in the past when his back was bad but she now has a cabin bed so can't sleep in there now. I didn't want to sleep separately as I thought it was unaffectionate. However he doesn't touch me in bed (literally, he doesn't like any bit of me touching him, it annoys him) so I don't really care anymore. I only get a hug if he is really drunk.

[LadyTennantofTardis]

Hi its only this week I went to London, it's not every week. He does do some housework, but I do most of it, and he thinks my efforts are not good enough. (My priority is to keep things clean, with limited time this often means things are untidy)

[witsender]

I would be suspicious of the real cause for this behaviour. He seems to be picking fights.

[LagunaBubbles]

You aren't painting a very good picture if him as a husband really, why are you with someone who doesn't show you any affection?

[blueskyinmarch]

What size of bed do you have? You both might sleep better in a bigger bed? My DH and i both sleep a bit better since getting a king size bed. I actually wish we had bough a super king.

[sabzii]

I agree re sleeping in separate rooms, lack of sleep and bedspace will make you both irritable. Why can't he sleep on a sofa bed/camping bed in lounge for rest of your pregnancy? Those pillows do take up a lot of room, I moved into spare room with mine as DH was being pushed out of the bed!

[Gallavich]

Sleeping separately doesn't mean you are unaffectionate. Sleep is vital.

[expatinscotland]

Leave him to it. You do most of hte housework but he moans about it? Tell him to do it himself then.

[SoulAccount]

It sounds as if you are both living under a lot of pressure.

Is your bed a normal sized double? You need a king sized!

I expect a lot of issues are getting conflated.

Two adults working, child, you with SPD, can you afford a cleaner? Just for 2 hours a week?

And some time to just talk and unwind together?

It's tough for you both: he doubtless wants to come home and relax, having imagined his home as some sort of fantasy refuge all week, you want him to come home and be loving and appreciating you, as you have been alone all week...

Talk about it calmly, explain, ask questions about his pov. Tell him your feelings.

[LadyTennantofTardis]

I also supported him during his uni years, working as a civil servant. He did contribute through his student loan, but we had to scrimp and most food etc was paid by me. Now he earns double what I earn, and does take care of most of the bills, (most of mine goes on paying off debt, mostly mine) but he is constantly complaining about money and how he wants me to be earning more money. He is really annoyed about me wanting to take a year off with my baby (90% full waged). I buy almost nothing for myself apart from the odd cake as a treat. He drinks 4-6 ciders per day, started smoking again 5 years ago and buys himself treats (last month a computer game thing for £270, a watch for £160, a bag for £100).

[SoulAccount]

I can't sleep touching someone else, nothing to do with how I feel about them. But you are feeling it personally because he is unaffectionate out of bed.

Sort out both issues seperately.

[StewieGMum]

You are painting a picture of an emotionally and financially abusive man who treats you like a skivvy. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with 2 children, a full time job and doing all the housework and childcare because he views it as beneath him?

[Phoebefromfriends]

Has he always been selfish? I would speak to him about how hard you are finding it at the moment. If that doesn't work you might need to consider whether you want to spend your whole life with someone who doesn't show you affection and is completely selfish.

how on earth did you get pregnant with someone who doesn't like you touching them....

[LadyTennantofTardis]

He earns over twice what I do now. We can't have a bigger bed, no room, it's a normal double. I dread what will happen when we have a baby in there too.