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To be angry at cousins attitude to my pregnancy?!

(9 Posts)
Sierrara Fri 17-Mar-17 21:43:58

Since being pregnant I've gone from seeing one of my cousins from very often to very rarely, going weeks without exchanging a word or even text/email. But today when I bumped into her shopping - she expressed that she expected to be able to visit at the hospital and would be really offended if she wasn't included immediately (?!?!) and wasn't kept up to date with my actual labour progress... Said in a friendly joke-y manner but still being clear that is what she expected.

AIBU to feel it's really intrusive she's pretty much fucked off for the duration of my pregnancy, yet is now expecting to be such a big part of mine and my baby's life from the moment it's out the womb??!! angry

I was genuinely too shocked to even know how to respond at the time but now I'm angry at myself for not being more assertive.

Feeling really pissed off about the entire thing, didn't feel like there was any respect to my wishes, the fact me and my partner want time with our newborn, and that maybe I won't particularly want to update everyone on how dilated I am between fucking contractions.

Rant over (for now!) angry


blueteapot Fri 17-Mar-17 21:47:48

Erm... any chance shes TTC and struggling?

TheMysteriousJackelope Fri 17-Mar-17 21:49:47

This is a time when you smile at the other person and completely ignore what they are saying.

If she complains when the baby is born and your DH did not give her minute by minute updates about how far your cervix was dilated during labor, I suggest giving her a blank look and changing the subject as if you have no clue what she is talking about.

Alternatively bribe a local vet to keep her updated with a cow's labor around the same time you check into the hospital. That should keep her entertained and confused.

If it helps, an ex-work colleague had a whole bunch of people from her husband's workplace invade her room while she was in labor. They very swiftly left it again when confronted with my extremely irate colleague. I also had a random from work show up (that I had only talked to about once before when he stole my best lab tech) show up in my hospital room while I was attempting breast feeding. I have no idea what that was about. I suggest talking to the staff on the labor and delivery ward to ensure you don't have similar. They are usually good about stuff like that.

wigglesrock Fri 17-Mar-17 21:51:35

I think you might be slightly overthinking it. She made in your words a "friendly jokey" comment. You don't have to let anybody know you're in labour if you don't want to. I didn't let my mum know I was in labour with one of my kids - it happened through the night, it was quick. I phoned her that morning and was out of hospital a few hours later - all done, no visits.

How did your contact fizzle out? Did she just stop texting one week?, did you?

Trainspotting1984 Fri 17-Mar-17 21:55:05

I have a cousin like this! She's a self obsessed manipulative passive aggressive arsehole. Don't let her near you- you will regret it forever

user1472334322 Fri 17-Mar-17 21:55:48

My thought too, blueteapot.
Even if that is the case, it's still ott to expect to be involved right from the beginning. I didn't want anyone at the hospital after ds1 was born. People came when he was home. Definitely wouldn't want to be updating during labour!
It sounds like you were close so I'd try sitting her down and talking to her and asking if she needs some help. I don't think uabu but I think there might be more to it. Good luck with baby!

Sierrara Fri 17-Mar-17 22:04:11

Blueteapot - She's definitely not TTC, as she's only casually dating at the moment but she has spoke about wanting a baby, but wanting it to be with the right person etc..

I think she said it more in the friendly way so it wouldn't come across as so intrusive (which it did anyway!) but there was no doubt in how she expressed it that she'd genuinely be offended if I didn't include her completely. as in, literally from when my contractions start?!?!

I sort of want to bring it up again just to set the boundary and so she's aware this won't be happening! She has a lot of self importance in general and it seems to have really come to the surface with my pregnancy.. She Has spoken about babysitting my newborn, taking them out or coming for their first day out - no consideration what so ever for me or my partner, even my parents would never demand so much! hmm

Sierrara Fri 17-Mar-17 22:05:34

As much as I love that I have people who are interested in my baby I feel like she's using it as a way to feel important and special rather than caring in any way, shape or form about how I want to do things! angry

Sierrara Fri 17-Mar-17 22:07:56

Contact stopped as she stopped planning social events/including me in things etc. I still made a lot of effort for the first couple of months but she was suddenly 'too busy' with work commitments or family issues. (?)

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