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DP not looking for a job

(35 Posts)
FutureMammyB Fri 17-Mar-17 19:34:52

I don't think IABU but need some outside perspective.

I work part time but have a zero hour contract so my shifts vary week to week. DP has been unemployed for over 2 months now. DP claims to have been job hunting whilst unemployed, however I whenever I look at his computer screen while he's on it, he is playing video games. Money is starting to get tight so he really needs to get a job soon.

I was not working today so was up bright and early with housework. DP got up around midday. I decided to give him a little push and have several job sites loaded up on his computer ready for him. He saw, gave me very hurt look, but did start looking through them.

I then went to the shop and returned about an hour and a half later to find DP was no longer on job sites but playing his stupid online game! I asked him how the job hunt was going and he said he was taking a break. This did not sit well with me and I got very upset with him and told him that he's spent the last two months dicking around on that game and that it was about time he grew up and took some responsibility.

This did not sit well with him and he has now spent most of the afternoon sulking in bed with the cover pulled over his head.

I know his reaction is extremely childish but was I being a bit unfair to kick off at him like that?

FutureMammyB Fri 17-Mar-17 19:35:47

Should probably add that I'm 24 weeks pregnant, so in a few months won't be working myself

JaneEyre70 Fri 17-Mar-17 19:44:20

You are 24 weeks pregnant, working, shopping and doing the housework while he sits on his arse playing games and you're financially supporting him. Wow he sounds like a great dad to be. Honest answer, STOP enabling his behaviour. 8 weeks is more than adequate to find a job.

JaneEyre70 Fri 17-Mar-17 19:46:28

I don't mean that to sound harsh btw, I have huge sympathy for you - but only you can make this situation change. What exactly are you getting from this relationship??

TheABC Fri 17-Mar-17 19:46:37

As above. I would also start making contingency plans for your maternity leave if he still does not have a job.

expatinscotland Fri 17-Mar-17 19:50:27

Oh, FFS! He's sulking because he hasn't bothered to find a job?! What a loser. Seriously, start thinking about how you'll deal without him.

Meekonsandwich Fri 17-Mar-17 19:51:27

Wooooowww sulking!!!! Tell him to grow up, my dh works 60 hours a week to provide, because that's what grown ups with bills and babies on the way do. you were not unreasonable, he's taking the piss.

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 17-Mar-17 19:54:57

Sulking from a supposed grown adult is emotional abuse. Kick him out.

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 17-Mar-17 19:56:10

"he has now spent most of the afternoon sulking in bed with the cover pulled over his head"

This is repulsive behaviour.

harshbuttrue1980 Fri 17-Mar-17 19:58:44

He sounds like a lazy arse. Mind you, I'm not sure why you yourself aren't working full-time either?

expatinscotland Fri 17-Mar-17 20:03:04

'Mind you, I'm not sure why you yourself aren't working full-time either?'

Probably because part-time zero hours contract is all that a lot of people can find for employment these days. hmm

LucyFuckingPevensie Fri 17-Mar-17 20:06:42

He should be making more of an effort to look for a job, the bit that would really annoy me is that he sulked when you gave him a well deserved nudge (obviously your shouldn't even have to do that)

Theresnonamesleft Fri 17-Mar-17 20:09:00

He would be given a week to shape up and get a job or leave. Yes people lose their jobs for whatever reasons, but unless you are a lazy arsed sponge you do your damn best to get another job asap. What you don't do is sit on your arse playing video games.

QueenLaBeefah Fri 17-Mar-17 20:09:13

When the baby arrives you will probably be financially better of without him. This knowledge might make him pull his finger out of his arse and get a job.

IamFriedSpam Fri 17-Mar-17 20:11:23

Why are you doing the housework if you're the only one working and also pregnant? Unless he has a mental health problem then obviously he needs to be looking for a job as a matter of urgency and also doing the housework.

JennyHolzersGhost Fri 17-Mar-17 20:11:46

I was just about to say 'please don't get pregnant' until I got to the end of your post. Oh dear. So sorry OP. Time to start thinking about what's best for you and the baby.

Do you own or rent ? If the latter, whose name is on the contract?

Akire Fri 17-Mar-17 20:11:49

He's being an ass, you may just be able to afford to keep the. Org of you going on handful of hours but I assume you will only qualify for SMP on a zero contract so £70 a week? He will have to start claiming job seekers to put in his share of house hold expenses and qualify for tax credits. He have to prove what's he doing job wise every day then. He can't expect you to live off and support 3 of you on a single persons benefit.

JennyHolzersGhost Fri 17-Mar-17 20:12:31

And do you have family locally? If not is there a chance of moving to be close to them before the baby arrives?

FutureMammyB Fri 17-Mar-17 20:21:44

Thanks for responses everyone, the past few months I have definitely been in denial about his behaviour and today has been a massive eye opener for me.

I am going to have a talk with my mum when I see her this weekend about the possibility of coming back home temporarily whilst i either find somewhere for myself or he sorts himself out.

And to those wondering about why I'm doing the housework, I genuinely can't trust him to do it properly if I leave him to it. Most of the time I have to go round after him and do the job correctly

ilovesooty Fri 17-Mar-17 20:24:07

Is he not claiming JSA now?

Fruitcocktail6 Fri 17-Mar-17 20:31:04

I don't understand how you can have enough money to live on if he doesn't work and you're on zero hours? How will you afford the baby?!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 17-Mar-17 20:33:43

If he can't do something as basic as housework is he actually employable? Or a suitable father?

RandomMess Fri 17-Mar-17 20:34:21

The answer isn't to redo the housework it's to explain to him that he clearly needs more practice...

I think moving back in with your Mum is a very good idea and fast so you can start saving up.

Moanyoldcow Fri 17-Mar-17 20:38:31

Why do you have to re-do the housework? Is he a child? If it's genuinely shit, you need to point it out, if it's just 'not to standard' but fine then learn to live with it.

We have got to stop infantilising men. My gran has done it all her life. The result? A host of incapable sons and a load of daughters doing the same to their husbands (she had 4 of each).

You're both adults responsible for your home and soon a child. You need to get tough and he needs to find a job.

Otherwise her back to your mum's until you get back on your feet without that man-child.

ohfourfoxache Fri 17-Mar-17 20:39:15

He sounds like a complete cocklodger shock

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