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AIBU?

To think this is verging on bullying behaviour

37 replies

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:01

My new boss added all staff members on Facebook. I wasn't really comfortable with this but I didn't feel I had much choice.

Her feed is ultra annoying, full of "inspirational" quotes and references to gin and wine o'clock, but I ignored it as background noise.

Fast forward to before Christmas I had a bit of a disagreement with her over working practices, and had to involve the union. I thought it was sorted and things were ok.

After Christmas I noticed that she had unfriended me. My first thought was relief - I never felt comfortable with her on there, and I personally think it's unprofessional. However, she hasn't unfriended anyone else and has added new members of staff. So in effect I'm the only staff member she has done this to. I also found out that there is a closed staff group which I have never been invited to. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck, but professionally it seems a bit off, and all a bit "Mean Girls".

Today I walked in on her discussing the group and when she saw me she immediately stopped talking. Other staff are surprised that I'm not in it, as both work and social things are discussed. It's beginning to feel like bullying by exclusion.

I'm going to ask the union's opinion but would be interested to know what other people think.

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nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:08

I should add that we are a group of about 25 staff.

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ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 17/03/2017 18:11

Exclusion is a form of bullying. This would upset me

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:14

I'm actually surprised how much it has upset me. It feels like she has her favourites and she's deliberately shown me that I'm not a part of the gang. I never considered her my friend, but it feels crap in terms of the professional side of things.

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QuiteLikely5 · 17/03/2017 18:15

You hardly sound like a dream yourself! I think it was fine that she requested you on FB

You complained to the union??

About what?

You sound like hard work

Not sure if you have to be invited to staff nights out??

QuiteLikely5 · 17/03/2017 18:17

And it would depend if it's her doing the inviting?

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:18

My reservations about having a senior colleague on fb have been proved right. I may not be "a dream" myself (wtf?) but I have not complained to the union about this, just going to ask their advice. This is normally considered poor practice by HR professionals.

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BreatheDeep · 17/03/2017 18:19

That is shockingly unprofessional and exclusion is definitely a form of bullying.

My last boss actually specifically said that he wouldn't add any staff as friends on Facebook as he didn't think it was fair on you if you had a little moan about a bad day on there. Not that I would ever do that as I keep it separate from work as much as possible.

Mehfruittea · 17/03/2017 18:19

It's petty (her behaviour) and ridiculous. As all the other staff know you're not in the group, she is showing everyone how Petey she is. Is she the group administrator?

I would not ask why your not included. It gives her power. She wants you to feel left out and hurt by this. Don't give her the power over you. If work issues get discussed, decisions made, plans changed etc, you can use this as examples of poor communication. Problem is how you prove you were deliberately left out of the group.

Save it up as examples in case you need it for a grievance in the future. You've already 'shown her up' once as not managing well and she will be targeting you as obviously feels threatened.

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:19

I have to say that you sound like hard work yourself Quitelikely!

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nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:20

Yes, she is the group administrator.

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SummerHouse · 17/03/2017 18:21

quite are you her boss.

This sounds mean and unnecessary of her. But you are better off out of it op. I would stand well back and leave them to their wine o'clock.

glueandstick · 17/03/2017 18:22

The woman sounds hard work. And it is a form of bullying.

Sensible bosses would have two accounts. One for personal, one for 'work'

Firstaidnovice · 17/03/2017 18:25

Quitelikely, yes, it's terrible that the OP exercised her legal rights to complain about working practices. She should have just sucked it up right?

OP, if work is being discussed as well as social stuff you should definitely be in the group, or informed of any relevant conversations. Your colleague sounds incredibly unprofessional.

Firstaidnovice · 17/03/2017 18:27

Talk of wine o clock has made me want a glass though

Wolfiefan · 17/03/2017 18:27

Many workplaces have guidelines about acceptable use of social media. I would think this was unacceptable myself.

Bizzysocks · 17/03/2017 18:38

You complained about her to the union though so it can't be a surprise that she doesn't want to be face book friends with you.

I am sorry you feel bullied though it mustn't be nice for you.

I think ignore the Facebook issue as you say you wouldn't have added her in the first place. If there are other examples of feeling left out whilst going about you work that would be different and I would maybe go to her or HR to discuss.

MrsDoylesTeabags · 17/03/2017 18:44

No advice really but you boss sounds about 13 years old. How did she become a manager?

123beanie · 17/03/2017 18:49

Your boss sounds ridiculously petty and unprofessional

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:50

Bizzy, I didn't actually complain about her, just asked for clarification of issues. I was very tactful about it as I didn't want to undermine her authority.

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nonameinspiration · 17/03/2017 18:52

I totally understand the relief when she unfriended you. I think fb in the workplace is unprofessional anyway. It sounds like she's trying to bully you by exclusion but it isn't really working as op you just sound like you find it all a bit tedious - which it is.
Sounds like the union thing has something to do with it though - how dare you exercise your rights!! If it were me I would take a big step back and probably unfriend any other colleagues too - work is work and home is home

nihilist · 17/03/2017 18:58

Yes, noname, Ido find it tedious and petty. If my teenagers acted like this I'd be telling them to grow up! It just feels a bit spiteful, and it's also making me feel a bit two-faced as I'm smiling and being pleasant while my opinion of her has plummeted- I've lost respect for her.

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Gabilan · 17/03/2017 19:00

I'd keep a record of what's going on and contact the union about it to see what they think. It sounds like bullying by exclusion to me. Also, check your workplace social media and internet policy. I don't FB friend people I know at work. I just don't want the hassle. So if work were being organised through FB I would create a 2nd account for work. Anything else is just unprofessional.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2017 19:04

. I was very tactful about it as I didn't want to undermine her authority.

nonameinspiration · 17/03/2017 19:06

Re losing respect - I don't blame you. Might be time to look at other opportunities work wise

TheNaze73 · 17/03/2017 19:08

Your only mistake was to have accepted the friend request in the first place.

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