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Was IBU or was he?

(65 Posts)
bubblebaths Fri 17-Mar-17 15:40:52

DP gave me back a load of cake tins that he had in his workshop the other day and today I decided to make him a cake.
He came to collect it and said FFS you haven't bothered washing out the cake tin then?
Took the cake stormed off then sent me a message to say don't bother coming over to his tonight and he will sort him and his DC out himself for tea.

Rang him and he ranted down the phone at me saying it was completely unacceptable to give him a cake in a tin that hadn't been washed out thoroughly and that not to make him any more cakes in the future and quite frankly I can shove this cake up my arse because he doesn't want it and how dare I just shrug off the fact that I hadn't washed it out then put the phone down on me...

Bit of a back story so not to drip:
DP is a farmer - I have only ever seen him clean in the morning or late at night after a shower/bath as all through the day he is either covered in grease/mud/handling animals all day etc
His shed is just as bad where he fixes his tractors and things and he will eat his food without washing his hands - I made a deal out of it when we first met telling him it was really unhygienic but he made a big song and dance about how he would be washing his hands 100 times a day and he's never died from eating with dirty hands etc etc and in the 5 years we've been together he's never been any different - his jeep is a mess and filthy dirty inside and he just doesn't seem to worry too much about it all as he's always so busy.

The cake tins he brought back were not dirty inside at all, the outsides were a bit dusty but not the insides - yes ok I should have washed them out inside and if he weren't taking them back to the farm I would have but I just thought well he doesn't care and really didn't think he would make this much of a big deal out of it.

So I'm sat here feeling sorry for myself, especially as I was told to shove it up my arse. I did apologise for not washing it but that's not good enough.

He's really stressed out at the moment and I have an ongoing illness that's being investigated which means I'm in pain all day, everyday and we can't and haven't been intimate for 6 months now which doesn't help.

Shoxfordian Fri 17-Mar-17 15:46:55

No more cakes for him then!
How rude of him.

Trifleorbust Fri 17-Mar-17 15:48:15


FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 17-Mar-17 15:50:33

I am confused what you mean. You baked a cake in dirty tins and he kicked off? Bit weird you didn't wash the tins out first if they were visibly dirty, I can understand him being cross. Bit different to bake filth into a cake than to eat a sandwich with dirty hands. (Might be healthier but he clearly doesn't think so!).

Wouldn't be happy with the continued having a go though.

HakeLively Fri 17-Mar-17 15:50:43

Well that's all a bit nuts.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Fri 17-Mar-17 15:50:58

I'd paraphrase Marie Antoinette at him
"let them eat cake... As long as they make their own"

Stuff that for a game of soldiers!

PeridotPeridot Fri 17-Mar-17 15:51:06

His sounds like an overreaction but sorry op, cooking food in tins that have been stored in a workshop and are dusty without even giving them a swish out with water is pretty rank.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 17-Mar-17 15:52:44

Fill them all up with manure then drop them at his farm. .
Then drop him. .
No way would I be spoken to like that.

Lovewineandchocs Fri 17-Mar-17 15:53:18

I'd be telling him to shove the relationship up his arse!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Fri 17-Mar-17 15:53:20

Actually, he's the one who is doubly out of order.
He should have washed out the cake tins before returning them.
And why tins, plural?
I wouldn't keep sending cake tins full of cake if I wasn't getting them back as soon as cake was eaten

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 17-Mar-17 15:54:25

You say "his DC". So you don't have kids together? LTB. Why would anyone want to be with someone like this?

Bluntness100 Fri 17-Mar-17 15:56:15

Well hE has majorly over reacted and behaved like a total arse, but to give him a cake in a clearly unwashed tin is disgusting. So you're both being twats in my view.

Smitff Fri 17-Mar-17 15:56:53

I would give him the opportunity to apologise for being so rude and hurtful, then tell him if he ever spoke to me like that again I'd be gone. Giving him this chance as he's clearly stressed about something (and not having had sec in 6 months doesn't enter into it st all when you're in constant physical pain). I also wouldn't be baking for him again until he'd shown sincere contrition.

Lovewineandchocs Fri 17-Mar-17 15:58:18

Did you cook the cake in the tin or are you talking about a tin with a lid that you can keep the cake in afterwards? Either way, he shouldn't have spoken to you like that. And I notice he wasn't too precious to take the cake! And I take it that you usually cook tea for him and his DC? I'd be knocking that on the head too, you don't need that grief when you're dealing with an illness of your own.

Trifleorbust Fri 17-Mar-17 15:58:22

Bluntness100: hardly 'disgusting' - it's cake, not shit.

Soubriquet Fri 17-Mar-17 15:58:42


Yes the cake tins should have been washed before usage but how dare he speak to you like that

Shoedisaster Fri 17-Mar-17 15:59:12

Well it is a bit gross not to clean them but his reaction is OTT. All he had to say was no thanks.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Fri 17-Mar-17 15:59:16

Sounds a real charmer, wouldn't be baking him fuck all else for the foreseeable future.

bubblebaths Fri 17-Mar-17 16:00:51

Breakfast - tins plural because he keeps leaving them at his shed then moans that I haven't made him any cakes so when I point out that I have no tins to put them in he then brings them all back at once.
But yes I should have washed the tins out and if it were anyone else I would have!

The tins were not dirty at all inside, not even a crumb from the last cake was present and obviously if they were dirty and smelly inside I definitely would have washed them and it was only because they were a bit dirty on the outside that he noticed I hadn't washed them

ZiggyForever Fri 17-Mar-17 16:01:41

Agree with all the above - I think it's a bit strange that you didn't wash the tins before you used them, but equally, his reaction was extreme.

More going on here than dusty cakes, I reckon . . .

memyselfandaye Fri 17-Mar-17 16:02:33

He's going to sort dinner out for himself and his kids. That's good of him, doing you that favour.


bubblebaths Fri 17-Mar-17 16:05:21

Lovewineandchocs - its a tin that you put the cake in after you've baked it so after the last cake was eaten he emptied out the crumbs and put the lid back on and it's been stored in a cupboard in his shed.

I held my hands up and apologised for it but I'm more upset about the way he reacted, he could have just said look I'd rather you take the cake out and put it in a clean tin rather than walking off with it and then kicking off.

And yes we don't live together but I cook for him and his DC every night but apparently my services are not required tonight!

Fruitcocktail6 Fri 17-Mar-17 16:05:39

He moans you don't make him cakes?

That is bizarre, completely bizarre.

Why doesn't he make a cake?

twattymctwatterson Fri 17-Mar-17 16:07:41

It's really minging not to wash visibly dirty cake tins before baking in them. However, he moans when you don't bake for him? That with his total overreaction to the dirty tins is a bit worrying. Does he do anything else you feel isn't quite right?

justwanttoweeinpeace Fri 17-Mar-17 16:07:50

The cakes are a red herring. Did you get the brunt of a bad day or is there something bigger going on.

I'd sit back and wait for your apology if I were you (whilst eating cake grin)

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