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To think they'd have changed their plans for us?

(38 Posts)
MeNeedSleep Fri 17-Mar-17 13:03:12

Okay, I'm expecting to be told I am being massively unreasonable as I would never be one to change plans with someone, for something/someone else.

Pil are visiting for a few days. They're staying locally but not with us. We've not seen them since Christmas. We have 2 dc who are 7&3 who they dote on. We saw them day before yesterday and they go tomorrow.

Sil (Pil dd), also happens to be in the area on holiday, they come to this area alot, since way before we moved here a couple yrs ago. So although their intention wasn't to visit us specifically we have met up with them a couple of times as we also haven't seen them since christmas and they have a ds who is 2 so was nice to get the cousins together. They're here until sunday and we don't plan on seeing them again.
Pil & Sil live 10mins away from each other, pil look after their ds twice a week.
I text mil this morning to ask if they wanted to come round this afternoon when dd has finished school (she's part time). But she text back saying that she would have loved to but sil had texted her earlier to arrange meeting them for lunch! We can't go as dd hasn't finished school yet and then we need to be back for ds at 3, then ds has a swimming event this evening.

I'm a bit put out that they haven't arranged to meet us, and wondering why they've decided to meet up with sil who they see every day!

Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 17-Mar-17 13:12:13

Hmmm tricky one. Can you meet them later on or ask them if they want to go to ds's swimming event? I think I'd be a bit put out especially if they see sil as frequently as you say but if you leave things until the last minute you really can't expect people to change their plans. Yab (slightly)I but I get why 😊

golfbuggy Fri 17-Mar-17 13:21:19

On the basis you're not prepared to change your plans either (Not going to DC's swimming event) I can't see how they are BU?

Magicpaintbrush Fri 17-Mar-17 13:24:58

I do get where you are coming from but I think you AB (a bit) U here. They can't just ditch your SIL if they've already said yes to her invitation to meet up, and it's not their fault that you can't join them because it doesn't suit your plans. I think if you'd asked in advance and not left it to the last minute then they would have said yes to you, not her. This could all have been arranged days (weeks) ago and then you could have seen them as much as you liked. It would be rude to change their plans with SIL.

BirdPerson Fri 17-Mar-17 13:26:42

I think if anyone is BU it's your SIL, assuming she knows they are in the area specifically to see you...

EyeStye Fri 17-Mar-17 13:30:15

Had you said you'd see them again and pencilled today in? Can't they have lunch and then see you or come to the swimming or after swimming for bedtime stories and adult chat ?
Or if DD is part time I'd just take her out early assuming she's nursery age and doesnt have to be in school

purpleladybird Fri 17-Mar-17 13:42:01

PIL must have assumed you were busy or didn't want to see them today so made other plans.

Whosthemummynow Fri 17-Mar-17 13:50:02

Sorry but I think YABU

Why can you not just take dc out from nursery early? Or invite mil&sil to yours?
Or cancel swimming? You really cannot demand people change their plans to suit you. I wonder how that would make sil feel if your mil ditched her at the last minute

haveacupoftea Fri 17-Mar-17 13:52:37

YABU. Its their life, they can meet who they want!

IamFriedSpam Fri 17-Mar-17 13:57:14

I think I'd feel the same as you - would make sense to meet up all together. I'm surprised they didn't plan in advance to spend more time with you on this visit. I don't think it would be fair to say anything to them though as it would probably just cause tension.

Minniemagoo Fri 17-Mar-17 13:59:19

They came to visit for a few days and you saw them day before yesterday?
Was there a reason you didn't see them yesterday?
Also if my parents were visitong for a few days and I hadnt seen them in 3 months I think I'd have planned better than text on their last day morning to see what their lunch plans were.
I'd take DD out of school and go meet them, or invite them to the swim event, or for dinner after, lots of options.

BertrandRussell Fri 17-Mar-17 14:02:17

Couldn't they come for tea and then to the swimming event?

Did you expect them to be waiting on your call?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:04:51

Why didn't they want to attend the swimming event with you?

MeNeedSleep Fri 17-Mar-17 14:16:59

Yeah I thought I was bu. I certainly wouldn't ask (or demand) them to change their plans now.
But I guess, as their plan was to come see us, and they arranged during term time on the week rather than the weekend, that they'd make arrangements to see us.
The could have come over this morning, collected dd with us and then collected ds and played until he had to go to swimming, or come with us. Ds doesn't really want to cancel his swim

BertrandRussell Fri 17-Mar-17 14:23:44

"The could have come over this morning, collected dd with us and then collected ds and played until he had to go to swimming, or come with us. Ds doesn't really want to cancel his swim"

Did you suggest any of those alternatives?

NotWeavingButDarning Fri 17-Mar-17 14:28:33


You've seen a lot of them, maybe they want a day off. Plus, you won't change your plans so why should they?

And you are being double U because of course you could take your DD out of swimming/nursery. Time with GP is way more important.

abbsisspartacus Fri 17-Mar-17 14:31:34

I would reply ok safe journey home but I'm having a bad week confused helpful

PuppyMonkey Fri 17-Mar-17 14:44:14

It all sounds a bit haphazard - perhaps they're a bit peeved that you've not organised anything special for their visit and they know you're at this swimming thing today so have just assumed they're not wanted around?

allowlsthinkalot Fri 17-Mar-17 14:52:07

You could have kept dd off nursery or picked her up early?

I don't think anyone is BU, you just have different expectations. When PIL come to visit us we spend time with them but not necessarily every day (and they live a distance away, their visit here is maybe annual).

Maybe you could invite them over after the swimming thing or miss the swimming thing? You seem to be expecting them to fit around your plans too.

mouldycheesefan Fri 17-Mar-17 14:52:46

You aren't available so they are meeting sil instead. You could join them, pick up from nursery early and go be swimming a miss.

Porpoiselife Fri 17-Mar-17 14:53:01

Had they planned to have lunch with you then?

welovepancakes Fri 17-Mar-17 15:02:47

But perhaps PIL would have been happy to see you today, if you had suggested it sooner. You can't expect them to keep themselves available in case you can fit them in, so on that basis YABU

diddl Fri 17-Mar-17 15:25:13

I have a feeling that MIL is onto a bit of a no win here tbh.

If she'd tried to pin you down to stuff before she got here then that would have been wrong, if she'd said can I watch the swimming/pop in between x&y then that would probably also have been wrong.

Why didn't you let her know when you would be free & let her take it from there?

Sounds as if she's trying not to impose.

Jaxhog Fri 17-Mar-17 15:29:21

YABU if you expected them to wait around until you invited them over/to lunch etc!

Why didn't you let her know when you would be free & let her take it from there? Sounds as if she's trying not to impose.

MeNeedSleep Fri 17-Mar-17 15:38:16

Okay, thanks all.

It doesn't usually work like that when they come here. They usually come round in the morning and just go about our day with us.
They decided when to come, they had to come this week as they are looking after sil ds this weekend. We explained to them that we had stuff on. They would insist that we mustn't chamge our plans for their sake.
I just assumed they would pop round for lunch with us and see dc in the afternoon. This is what they normally do.
Oh well, I can accept being U

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