To tell her he's autistic?

(170 Posts)
DrivingAndGoogling Fri 17-Mar-17 11:39:52

A mum at school always tells me how awkward her boy is. Socially awkward, no friends, doesn't listen etc She tells me every opportunity she gets either at the gates, at parties, play dates etc

For me he's clearly autistic... My boy has autism as well so I know
Do I tell her? She could get the help he needs if she looks into it, but at the moment it seems she's at a loss at what to do
Just to point out that not sure if the school has said anything
I'm not sure I'd appreciate someone telling me something like this for my boy so.... WWYD?

PlayOnWurtz Fri 17-Mar-17 11:42:26

Don't tell her. Ask has she considered looking into a cause. She's making a beeline for you for a reason possibly because she already suspects

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Fri 17-Mar-17 11:42:58

Of course you can't tell her he's autistic! You can offer advice on who to speak to if she has concerns (based on your experience) but please don't try to diagnose anything that complex yourself. Every autistic child is different.

BirdPerson Fri 17-Mar-17 11:44:07

Just because you have a son with Autism, doesn't mean you are qualified to diagnose it in other people. Social awkwardness

IHeartDodo Fri 17-Mar-17 11:44:34

Agree with not telling her outright - you're not a doctor I presume!
But something like "Have you considered he might be autistic, my son does xyz too..."

MatildaTheCat Fri 17-Mar-17 11:44:38

Err, unless you are a paediatrician I would NOT tell her her child is autistic. If she seems to be targeting you for your opinion perhaps you could mention that your ds has had similar issues and turned out to be ASD and offer her any support she may need in getting her child assessed.

hoddtastic Fri 17-Mar-17 11:45:14

of course you can't, unless you've carried out all psychological tests of course.

Pagwatch Fri 17-Mar-17 11:45:32

How old is her son.

If she keeps raising it with you then she sounds concerned .

I would never say 'he has autism', mostly because whilst you think you know, you are not qualified to say such a thing.

The next time she says 'he's got no friends and he's so socially awkward' I would ask her questions.
'Does it bother him'
'Do you think it's just his personality or are you worried about it'
'Has anyone at the school said anything about it'
'Are you ever tempted to see if you could get him some help'

That sort of thing.
If you just say 'he's autistic' that could just upset and terrify her. Some people are terrified of that prospect. So I would stop trying to name a condition and ask exactly the same questions I would if, for example, she said he struggled to speak properly.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Fri 17-Mar-17 11:45:35

You can't possibly diagnose autism so don't tell her.

Next time she talks to you advise her to start the process of getting him assessed, and, if she asks, how to go about it, what the process is etc.

birdsdestiny Fri 17-Mar-17 11:45:48

Please don't do that. Talk to her about what agencies could help her with some of the difficulties her son is having.

PolterGoose Fri 17-Mar-17 11:45:51

I wonder if she's 'targeting' you because she has suspicions but can't say it out loud it yet, sometimes saying the words in real life is scary. Maybe you could gently say something like 'we had those concerns about ds so we talked to our GP, and since his assessment and diagnosis things have made more sense, maybe you could talk to your GP?'

I would have loved it if someone had found a way to put into words what I was thinking but couldn't articulate.

BirdPerson Fri 17-Mar-17 11:46:05

does not always mean autism. If I were you, next time she mentions it I would maybe share your experiences with your son, but in a subtle and sensitive way.

xStefx Fri 17-Mar-17 11:46:50

I would tell her, you have an autistic child yourself so I personally wouldn't be offended. She may genuinely have no idea what to do.

Leggit Fri 17-Mar-17 11:46:59

'He's clearly autistic' hmm

Fuck sake.

juneau Fri 17-Mar-17 11:48:21

FGS don't 'tell' her! That would be offensive and just plain wrong. But you could say something like 'He sounds a lot my my DS, you know. Have you ever considered getting him assessed to see if he might be on the autistic spectrum? There is a lot of help available if you get a positive diagnosis and it will help you to understand what you're dealing with', or something like that.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 17-Mar-17 11:49:50

Are you crazy? You sound like my DSS' stepdad's mum who diagnosed him based on their first mewing because he was awkward around her hmm

Offer some appropriate support. Maybe she's hoping you bring up the process of getting a diagnosis if she's always bringing it up.

The way you've worded your OP though it sounds like you haven't even met the kid confused

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 17-Mar-17 11:50:16

First MEETING not mewing you stupid phone!

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler Fri 17-Mar-17 11:50:37

My son is socially awkward and doesn't have many friends.
He doesn't have autism though hmm

ScarletFever Fri 17-Mar-17 11:51:32

another voice saying dont tell her he has autism - you are not a dr (or maybe you have an innate sense and could save the nhs and parents a shed load of time and monitoring etc hmm)

i would gently suggest that she might want to look at getting some help from her GP, you could say how much easier it is to cope when you have a diagnosis (thats what i have found personally,) with the support you get from schooling etc

ClemDanfango Fri 17-Mar-17 11:51:35

Unless you're qualified to diagnose than you can't possibly know what may be the cause of his issues.
Advise her to seek a SALT referral through the school and take him to see an actual doctor.

Pagwatch Fri 17-Mar-17 11:52:39

Before everyone gets too carried away, the suggestion that someone may be on the autistic spectrum isn't an insult hmm

Of course it's not appropriate to say in this situation but autism is neither offensive or an insult.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 17-Mar-17 11:58:59

You can't say he's Autistic, you can tell her you think he might be, but go to the GP and ask for a referral to the Community Paeditrician.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 17-Mar-17 12:01:05

With all due respect having a son with autism doesn't qualify you to diagnose other people. You can ask her if she's looked in to possible causes but of course you can't tell her he's autistic when you don't know that. And you will never know that unless you have the qualifications and professional experience required.

Sunnyshores Fri 17-Mar-17 12:03:04

Could you suggest she speak to your schools SEN officer? Because whether he does or doesnt have autism they would be able to support him and help improve his socialisation - which is whats important, not him getting a diagnosis or a label.

MammaTJ Fri 17-Mar-17 12:03:11

Pag, or course it's not an insult, but it is a medical diagnosis. Unless the OP has withheld this piece of information, she is not a doctor, so not qualified to diagnose.

OP, you could tell her that your DS has similar traits, point her in the direction of help, but you cannot tell her he is autistic.

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