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Concerned for DH

(5 Posts)
user1489706046 Thu 16-Mar-17 23:39:00

Might not be right place post...but

After advice on experience for your grieving husbands/partners.

Unfortunately a very close family friend passed away after being admitted to palliative care. She had been an extremely close friends with DH (more like brother/sisters) and also through our marriage always close. Before we were together himself, friend and other friend where inseparable.

I found out the tragic news early hours the other night while DH was sleeping she'd sadly passed away suddenly (early hours of our DC birthday)

DH made it clear he could not show any emotions and upset DC on his special day.

DH has since thrown himself into work and not dealing with things well at all...seems to be bottling everything up.

I know everyone deals with grief different ways and not trying push him into anything. But the last time I saw him like this was with his darling mum. Bottled everything for so long he exploded.

Just wondering if AIBU to have contacted said other friend ( im also friends with((I know I might bu to contact her as also grieving, was nice message asking how she was too)) to maybe the two of them too meet up and share their fond memories together over dinner or drinks? Hoping may help with DH grieving?

Or should I of not got involved?

Any advice over previous experience greatly appreciated.

HeddaGarbled Thu 16-Mar-17 23:46:02

I strongly believe that you should let him grieve in his own way. There seems to be this prevalent idea that only people who are openly emotional are grieving "correctly" but IMO, throwing yourself into work is a valid and useful coping strategy.

It depends what you mean by "exploded" though.

DJBaggySmalls Thu 16-Mar-17 23:46:22

Condolences on your loss [slowers]
The timing was just awful for him and it sounds like he has shut down. As you are aware of the pattern of your DH's behaviour, an intervention sounds appropriate.
He might not want to hear that. But sometimes it really is for your own good.

user1489706046 Thu 16-Mar-17 23:58:27

I know everyone deals different ways...we have unfortunately suffered many friends/family deaths and he has dealt with differently...ie crying/time off work ect. Exploding resulted into him taking himself away for few days and no recollection. So worrying time for myself with at the time a very young DC. But it was his mum but he had no one at the time to relate with his own grief, early stages of our relationship had unfortunately not met his mum and all his family live abroad. Just worried for him. It was very out of the ordinary to him ever do that. Such a loving DH/parent...

Was hoping talking to other close friend would help sad x

user1489706046 Fri 17-Mar-17 00:04:12

Thank you DJBaggySmalls. what it feels like too that he's shut down...death is never a good time..but for our DC birthday it's like hes not accepting or coping at all...was hoping him being with his other friend would help x

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