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AIBU about child support

(13 Posts)
iLoveCamelCase Thu 16-Mar-17 21:59:23

My ex pays me child support based on minimum wage. I get £26 per week. He earns minimum wage or thereabouts as far as I know. However he lives with his girlfriend and her brother, both of whom earn a significant amount more than he does. We have both recently had letters from the CSA confirming that their involvement with our case has ended (we haven't actually gone through them in practice for several years) and we should make our own payment arrangements. I mentioned this to him and in the ensuing conversation, it transpired that he has no idea how much his rent and bills are, his girlfriend deals with it all. He has no idea what the financial arrangement with her brother is, in terms of his contribution to the household, as she hasn't told him. My ex pays a set contribution towards household expenses every month, which has been determined by his girlfriend (I know - manchild). I feel this is completely wrong as he has no idea whether he is paying a fair contribution. I suggested that the fairest way would be to add up household income and work out who earns what percentage and then split all bills accordingly. Once he is paying a fair contribution, he can then establish whether he can afford to pay more in child support. I do not expect his gf and her brother to subsidise his child support but I would have expected that as a parent, he would want to ensure he was paying a fair amount towards his own living costs and then his next priority would be paying as much as he can towards the upbringing of his son. His living costs are effectively reduced by 2/3 and so he should be able to pay more than the minimum wage rate. I am on my own and funding all my own living costs as well as the cost of bringing up our DS. I'm not saying he should pay an unreasonably low amount towards his household in order to pay me more but that he should ensure he is paying a FAIR amount towards his household (and not potentially subsidising his GF's brother!) and then work out whether he could be making a better contribution to the financial upkeep of our DS. AIBU?

SquinkiesRule Thu 16-Mar-17 22:45:58

His living and finacial situation is his business, Child support is supposed to be based on his income. Not how much rent he pays his girlfriend.
I'd stick with the amount csa told you and then if he has extra to contribute ti school trips, uniforms etc he can.

missbishi Thu 16-Mar-17 23:24:19

I am on my own and funding all my own living costs

Yes, that's what adults tend to do. Support themselves.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 16-Mar-17 23:26:47

If his girlfriend and her brother subsidise him then that's their look out. It would be nice if he contributed more to his child, but you already know he's not a sensible mature self-sufficient adult.

BeccaAnn Thu 16-Mar-17 23:31:06

CSA payer here, I live with 3 others in order to save for a house, none of that is taken into account when the CSA are involved, it's based on what they earn. thats it. you can make alternative arrangements to pay more if you want, but he is under no obligation to pay more than what CSA say.

It's harsh but thats how the system is.

Willyoujustbequiet Thu 16-Mar-17 23:32:22

I would get the csa to recalculate. His living arrangements are of no consequence.

GreyStars Thu 16-Mar-17 23:34:08

In an ideal world he would want to work these things out and contribute as much as possible to his child. I really don't understand it (DH is RP, never seen a penny from their mother, we are lucky we don't need her contribution. she also sees them when she is not "busy" she's been busy for two years now)

However, it is based on his income and I would expect if he is on min wage there is more chance his GF is supporting him and she is not responsible for your children.

I think you can be frustrated about him though, I watched my mum struggle whilst my useless father remained out of work as much as possible with his wife supporting him until the day his financially responsibility ended for me, the next day he got a job.

iLoveCamelCase Fri 17-Mar-17 07:04:59

Fair enough, I guess AIBU then. In the reverse situation, I know I would want to pay more than the calculator said in this circumstance if I could afford to. I know the calculator is based upon income but my thoughts were more that he may be paying an unfair amount towards his household costs, since he has no clue about who is proportionally paying what, and potentially subsidising his GF's brother instead of paying more for his son. Plenty of non-RPs do pay more if they are able. I do ask for extra for trips, uniforms etc but it is never forthcoming. And yes - I know adults pay their own living costs. hmm. The calculator assumes that he is having to fully meet his own living costs when in fact, they could be cut by 2/3. It just frustrates me that he isn't bothered enough to sort out his own financial position to see if he could assist more, given he could have far more disposable income than the calculator assumes since, if he pays a fair contribution, his costs will be lower than if he lived alone.

MrsTwix Fri 17-Mar-17 07:08:37

He is your ex. His living arrangements are not your problem any longer. If he is paying you what he is supposed to pay then him being a man child isn't your worry. You sound like you are still attached to him in some way.

Chloe84 Fri 17-Mar-17 07:16:48

It just frustrates me that he isn't bothered enough to sort out his own financial position to see if he could assist more

It's in his interest to not be 'bothered' as it means he doesn't have to pay you any more. £28p/w is a joke.

Also, he may be lying and have an arrangement with gf and her brother but just not want to tell you.

iLoveCamelCase Fri 17-Mar-17 07:32:47

Certainly not attached to him @MrsTwix. Would just like him to pay a FAIR contribution to his child. The calculator can't and doesn't take all sets of circumstances into account. If he were living alone and having to meet his own costs and fully support himself, then fair enough. But he isn't and can't even be bothered to make sure he is paying a fair share to his household. Could be that he is happily subsidising his GF's brother being there instead of subsidising his son to the maximum he could! Could also be that he should be paying less to the household than he is, potentially freeing him up to pay more in child support. The point is he doesn't know and I find it frustrating. A system that permits such disparity between parents in terms of cost responsibility for bringing up joint children is utterly unfair, Imo, particularly when the NRP COULD pay more but chooses not to.

HelenaGWells Fri 17-Mar-17 07:50:02

The system isn't fair but there is literally nothing you can do. If he is on min wage and the others are much better paid it's more likely they are subbing him, especially if he's in a crappy zero hour contract.

As always there are people much better off and much worse off. Going over the injustice will do nothing. If he's paying csa minimum there is nothing they will do either.

Remember this man child behaviour is likely one of many good reasons he is an EX

Dallyw Fri 17-Mar-17 08:07:55

I'm in a similar situation. Been split up 10 years, 13 year old dc. He was in and out of work for around four years. When he gained permanent employment I asked for 100 a month. He has paid on time every month for on average 5 years. I know if I went through cms I would get more. I really can not be arsed to rock the boat. He has a new partner and step kids, and unless he has changed (doubt it) his partner will be paying for everything as he is always out with friends on nights out. After all this time I'm just glad he and my child see each other and have a relationship. Yes I could get another 60 a month or whatever, for the sake of 15 pound a week I'd rather leave it

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