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To be jealous of my DD future MIL

(253 Posts)
birdladyfromhomealone Thu 16-Mar-17 18:46:17

Will try to be brief but not drip feed as I know that's a MN no no!
My DD has always had a good relationship with her future MIL.
Her soon to be DH has always been a bit of a mummies boy and his Mother is pretty much involved in every aspect of their lives.
They live nearer her, she dog sits for them, does their hair, chooses their furnishings for their home etc
They are getting married this summer at a VERY expensive Wedding Venue.
There have only been 38 weddings here as it is so exclusive.
It was my influence for this venue and we are paying for the Wedding.
When my DS got married we were no more than guests at his wedding as his MIL and bride arranged everything (and paid) and everything was a secret except for the date and venue.
My DD was very put out about it as was I, as I felt very hurt. We did give him a fantastic honeymoon and paid for the photographer/videographer and Band.
At the time my DD and future Son in law said it was outrageous how we had been left out of the planning and excitement and they wouldn't do that to their DM/MIL
Now its my DD turn and instead of being excited about her wedding I feel pushed out by the MIL.
I am paying for the wedding and the MIL paid for her sons suit and some money towards a honeymoon.
She has been involved in Everything. Wedding dress shopping, bridesmaid shopping, suit shopping. she keeps going on about her favourite flowers, she has bought a card box, made tiaras for the bride and bridesmaids and NOW today I have heard she wants to visit the venue to talk through the planning and look at how it can be decorated.
My DD thinks IABU because I think she is taking over?

birdladyfromhomealone Thu 16-Mar-17 18:46:58

Will be back later with my flame proof hat on smile

MaidOfStars Thu 16-Mar-17 18:48:50

Were you not invited for wedding dress shopping?

Astro55 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:49:35

How are you involved besides paying? Are you also Fred shopping etc?

Sounds like MIL is over excited!!

Why not have a chat wirhDD about it all?

wizzywig Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:17

Yeah id be put out but weddings can do funny things to people. Its her sons wedding too.

MadMags Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:24

Were you not involved in the dress shopping etc?

NavyandWhite Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:33

Gosh no I don't think YABU. Speechless really. Have you asked your DD why she hasn't invited you to everything/anything to with the wedding?

I might understand if MIL was paying for it all but as she's not she shouldn't be barging in to this degree.

birdladyfromhomealone Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:40

Yes I went shopping as I had the credit card!!!
But the MIL has her opinion on everything and my DD never tells her its my Mum and I's decision!

Chloe84 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:43

I would suddenly develop some financial problems.

Your DD sounds ungrateful and MIL needs to wind her neck in.

YANBU.

Babbaganush Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:53

Do you mean that your dd has excluded you from all these things or that youa re upset that she is including MIL too.

wizzywig Thu 16-Mar-17 18:51:55

astro i never had a fred when i got married. I think i missed out on something

LoriD Thu 16-Mar-17 18:52:05

If I was in your shoes I would be really upset at feeing pushed out especially since your paying for the venue I think you need to speak up more as it sounds like you've let it go for long enough.

Do you want a closer relationship with your daughter or is this mil relationship making you jealous

MaidOfStars Thu 16-Mar-17 18:52:26

my DD never tells her its my Mum and I's decision
I don't blame her. It's not.

birdladyfromhomealone Thu 16-Mar-17 18:52:56

Everything has been her choice so far but me picking up the tab!

NavyandWhite Thu 16-Mar-17 18:53:10

It's not MILs though either Maid.

katienana Thu 16-Mar-17 18:53:37

Hmmm I think it's how your dd feels about it that's important, don't b let this special time be ruined by you falling out over this.
Is there something you can do with your dd just the 2 of you, shopping for your outfit maybe? Just make sure you get an enormous MOB worthy hat!

MaidOfStars Thu 16-Mar-17 18:54:02

Navy My comment was more aimed at the slightly screwy thinking of OP (IMO).

BarbarianMum Thu 16-Mar-17 18:54:04

Honestly, it should be your dd' s decision. Not yours, not your MiL's. What was stopping you giving an opinion?

harderandharder2breathe Thu 16-Mar-17 18:54:43

If it doesn't bother your DD then Yabu as it's her day with her husband

Ifit bothers her then she needs to speak up. Coming from you it will never sound good

Notonthestairs Thu 16-Mar-17 18:55:17

Have you spoken about how you feel to your DD? Do you get any time alone with your DD?

VictoriaMcdade Thu 16-Mar-17 18:55:30

Stop paying then!

Or at least talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel.

MaidOfStars Thu 16-Mar-17 18:55:42

MIL sounds very creative/crafty? Is it not a really good use of her skills?

Are the tiaras nice?

pasturesgreen Thu 16-Mar-17 18:55:42

She made tiaras?!

For that alone, YANBU! She should back off a lot bit.

Underthemoonlight Thu 16-Mar-17 18:55:46

Does her mil have any daughters or just sons? My mil wasn't remotely bothered or interested in my wedding planning never attended dress fittings didn't help out etc she just showed up but she has daughters and we don't have that type of relationship.

My sil however is close to her future mil and I would imagine she would be involved if they decided to get married in the preparations, although I would imagine her mother (my mil) would be annoyed to as she gets pissed off with her involvement in her daughters child and resentments there from being excluded even though she isn't sad thing about it is she excludes herself from her other grandchildrens lives and makes zero effort.

I think you've got to get involved yourself take the time to get to know her and enjoy it. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face you will one day share grandchildren.

MadMags Thu 16-Mar-17 18:56:01

Hang on; so you're annoyed that she won't exclude mil??

What's been said to make you think you were only there for your credit card?

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