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To hate it when friends do this?

(15 Posts)
Clapwhenyourehappy Thu 16-Mar-17 18:30:39

I have a few friends that contact me and ask when I am next free to meet up or have a coffee. So I suggest X date, at X time and get 'Oh no, I can't possibly meet in the next month, I'm so busy, I'll have to let you know when I'm free' in return.

AIBU to a) be pissed off when friends do this as I think it's rude and self important when they've suggested meeting in the first place and b)next time they suggest meeting to say that actually I'm busy for the next month and will have to let them know when I'm free?

Why do people do this?

Lessthanaballpark Thu 16-Mar-17 18:33:35

YANBU. It's infuriating. Find people who really want to spend time with you.

Or lower your expectations of them.

Clapwhenyourehappy Thu 16-Mar-17 18:35:37

It just infuriates me that they suggest meeting and ask when I'm free then make out that I'm being annoying or chasing them when I say a day and time that I am free.

I've lately stopped bothering to chase people that just can't be bothered. If someone wants to see me I guess they will make time to.

Luckily I do have some reliable friends that do want to spend time with me.

dancingqueen345 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:42:04

Oh my god I HATE this.

I've taken the tact of forgoing my dignity and repeatedly messaging them about further dates until I get a response.

Worst part though is when I actually do see them I expect some exciting news about what's been keeping them so busy and there's rarely anything.

Be happy that you're the sort of person that tries to keep friendships going- I'm sure (and hope for myself) that you will reap the benefits at some point!

Chinchinwag Thu 16-Mar-17 18:44:14

I've given up on a friend who does this. I kept asking when she was free and she would say "maybe X day" then I wouldn't hear from her unless I chased it up.

She also doesn't text back cause she's "so busy" yet when I was in her company she was constantly looking/doing things on her phone.

Honeyandfizz Thu 16-Mar-17 18:44:22

Or those who text you to arrange a meet up but then cancel last minute on you hmm

Clapwhenyourehappy Thu 16-Mar-17 18:45:44

I just can't be arsed to keep suggesting dates anymore. From now on if they want to see me they will have to suggest the day and time and I'll let them know if I'm free lol

Clapwhenyourehappy Thu 16-Mar-17 18:47:09

Oh god yes I hate it when people suggest meeting and then cancel at the last minute. It's usually the same busy busy busy twats people

Meekonsandwich Thu 16-Mar-17 19:06:38

That is reallIy wierd. I can't say I've ever had a friend do this. I dont want to think the worst of people sois it possible they meant it in a way "we should go for coffee" (aka. I would like to that would be nice, but im so busy sad ) or maybe they just want to look good and like theyre making the effort without the commitment, so you cant say they never make the effort?

Clapwhenyourehappy Thu 16-Mar-17 19:09:40

No they specifically have asked when I'm free and when I've said a date and time they've said how terribly busy they are and how they can't possibly see me for at least another month or so. I agree, it is weird!

Meekonsandwich Thu 16-Mar-17 19:14:43

Next time a blunt "why suggest it when you can't make it? I'm.confused?" Might work

AndromedaPerseus Thu 16-Mar-17 19:15:15

I can't stand it when you prearranged to meet up with a friend and they tell you it'll have to be a quick coffee as they're so busy

Fruitboxjury Thu 16-Mar-17 19:19:09

Pet hates of mine:

1) as you say - initiating and invite then leaving you to do the donkey work with dates

2) people cancelling without rearranging at the same time, makes my blood boil and honestly I just think they never wanted to meet up in the first place. So I have stopped bothering to chase and stopped giving a shit when people cancel... if there's a good reason they'll rearrange quickly

Alwaysreadyforablether Thu 16-Mar-17 19:27:23

I tried to arrange a catch up with a "friend" and she constantly re-arranged or said she was too busy for weeks. It came to a head when she text me saying "keep trying and it will happen"!
Needless to say I stopped trying and it's never happened.

Rollonbedtime7pm Thu 16-Mar-17 19:27:52

Also, never initiating meet ups and when you finally get together (always organised by you!) they keep going on about how long it's been since you saw each other! hmm

I have decided not to initiate any meet ups with a certain group, cos it's always me who does, and see if anyone else bothers - 3 months so far...

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