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To hate being a working parent?

(31 Posts)
GeorgeandPeppa Thu 16-Mar-17 17:01:13

I just do. I don't really know how I could make it better.

I'm already very part time, and I have pretty good hours.

It was ok when I only had one child, but since number 2 it's such a struggle.

All of my money goes on childcare, even though dh and I split the bill we're still no better off for me working overall. This will change eventually but it's so frustrating right now.

It's hard to even get out of the house in the morning. My toddler fights me over every little thing from getting dressed to going in his car seat so it all takes so long. I struggle to even get ready myself because he's into everything. There's nowhere really safe to put him anymore because he's such a climber. He usually does a poo or starts taking his clothes off just as we are about to leave the house.

The kids are constantly ill so I end up rushing them off to grandparents when really I want to be caring for them myself.

I'm exhausted because toddler doesn't sleep, actually me and dh are both exhausted.

The house is messy.

Toddler is clingy and tired after nursery and I struggle to even throw a meal together.

I already get everything ready the night before.

I keep telling myself that giving up work is a bad idea, it gives me some financial independence, some adult conversation, and I'm sure it will pay off eventually.

Anyone else? How can I be more positive.

highinthesky Thu 16-Mar-17 17:03:34

Welcome to the reality of being a working mother! You're doing your best so don't feel guilty.

There is no right or wrong answer but a strict morning routine will help.

BalletZeus Thu 16-Mar-17 17:04:54

How part time is very part time?

Dozer Thu 16-Mar-17 17:07:10

It can be hard but career breaks are financially risky.

Is your H doing his fair share?

You're lucky to have family back up.

Dozer Thu 16-Mar-17 17:07:48

I found WoH v hard with a toddler and baby, easier now they're older.

ghostyslovesheets Thu 16-Mar-17 17:07:56

it really does get better - I pay £33 a week childcare now - I have 3 children - at one point I was in negative equity with my wages just on nursery fees

Now they are bigger I pay them to clean the house - it sometimes works - yesterday I came home to a clean kitchen, mopped floors and a hoovered stairs and landing which was bliss

they also tidy their own rooms and shit away (apparently <rolls eyes>)

and you get to keep your pay to spend on gin to see you through the week

it is hard - it's hard when they are big as well (they seem to need you even more) but my eldest is 3 years of going to uni - in 9 years it could just be me - work gives me something else!

Mummamayhem Thu 16-Mar-17 17:08:37

If it's not financially necessary don't keep working just to do the whole 'I can do it all thing' (I personally feel this is a concept that is supposed to empower women but more often than not just benefits men)

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look after your children all day.

sherazade Thu 16-Mar-17 17:10:14

If it's not helping financially take time off .
You'll be bored as hell but atleast you won't be stressed out .
How old is the toddler ?

tankerdale Thu 16-Mar-17 17:19:26

I know where you're coming from but a lot of the things I find difficult being a part time mum (getting out the house. Messy house, feel like no time to do anything) in my case they were still issues when I wasn't working as 2 of my DC are at school. In fact house was even messier as we were there more. I was rubbish at getting round to household things because I felt I had loads of time and don't know where it went. Whiled away quite a few hours watching Netflix. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty. I'm also not that good at initiating social contact but actually do enjoy socializing when I've got no option, if that makes sense. So I'm enjoying being part of a team at work.

I'm not now but I have been in the position of being no bette off by working and I think that makes a difference. I like feeling I've earned my own money and can buy little treats.

tankerdale Thu 16-Mar-17 17:19:59

-*part time working mum
Full time mum obviously!

GeorgeandPeppa Thu 16-Mar-17 17:20:08

Thanks for replying.

I'm actually a bit embarrassed to say I'm in a job share so I'm only 3 days a week, I'm lucky too in that I'm able to start early and finish at a reasonable time. Please don't shoot me down because I know there's parents working full time.

I'm also lucky to have back up in case of illness I know that.

Dh does do his share really he leaves very early so can't do much in the mornings.

I have been suffering with depression & anxiety so that won't be helping.

I'd love to give up work but I do like having my own bit of money. Toddler is 22 months.

I seem to spend my days off catching up on housework and him on sleep.

Sundance01 Thu 16-Mar-17 17:36:10

If this was me it would depend on the type of work you do. Having a career break can be damaging in some areas. In others it may mean going back at a lower level short term but you will be able to make it back up in a couple of years and in other areas it will make no difference.

Also is there something you can do from home instead?

But to be honest you will never get this time with your children again but you have the rest of your life to work and earn your own money.

My children are all grown up now but I still would give up work in a heartbeat if I could afford to and I only work 3 days as well.

Working sucks in my eyes at any time of life.

m0therofdragons Thu 16-Mar-17 17:39:24

I do packed lunches etc night before and dh gets dc ready in the morning- I just can't deal with getting dressed battles while trying to get me ready. So worth keeping a job as now my dc are in school my childcare is very little. I have 3dc and work 30hours a week. I don't think I'd do it if I didn't love my job though.

bonfireheart Thu 16-Mar-17 17:42:42

I work full time and am a single parent, some days I could happily go to sleep in my chair at work! Everything feels so non-stop most days.

Dozer Thu 16-Mar-17 17:57:30

I had depression and anxiety at a similar stage to you, partly due to sleep deprivation IMO! got help, wish had done so sooner, and overall am much better although the anxiety is still an issue at times.

Although you're having a hard time the work set up sounds good, you'd be v v lucky to find a jobshare again if you took a break.

Do you have a cleaner?

Dozer Thu 16-Mar-17 17:58:49

"You have all your life to work"

Yes, if health allows, but staying in work often makes it much easier to get better paid/PT roles, employment rights etc.

backaftera2yearbreak Thu 16-Mar-17 18:02:12

Working full time wears me out. And in the weekend and after school activities by Saturday night in done for. But, if I didn't work full time we'd have to rely on some tax credits. I work in welfare rights and can see this safety net slipping away so I darent give up work now. 4 years he will be in secondary school and a bit more self sufficient!

Trainspotting1984 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:05:22

it's family life though isnt it really? Working is tough and certainly has its ups and downs. I'm not going to patronise you by offering tips because you know how to be organised but sometimes it just slips doesn't it? Think of the positives- a flexible employer, willing grandparents nearby. You're lucky in many ways. Sometimes you just have to reframe it in a positive light because life with young children is very hard, working or not

WafflingVersatile Thu 16-Mar-17 18:08:23

There was a point when I was really ill a few weeks ago and for the first time, when everything got so hard, I said to my husband that I felt like a mediocre mother and teacher. He boosted me up and I'm better now and back on form. We all have bad times so make sure you talk to someone and get it off your chest.

GeorgeandPeppa Thu 16-Mar-17 19:38:52

Thanks again.

I know I'm very lucky in many ways. I shouldn't moan. I am quite down and lack of sleep doesn't help. I never really had a problem working with one but with my youngest there's almost no break it's might and day. Although even though he's hard work I miss him terribly when I'm at work.

I probably would get another job if I had a break but not at the same level, and I'd struggle to get the hours and terms which I have now.

Don't have a cleaner, to be honest I've always struggled to keep my home to the standard I'd like it to be. We mop the floors and by the next day the kids have dropped food or walked in muddy shoes.

I have seen my gp and I'm starting talking therapy soon so hoping that will help.

foxyloxy78 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:50:07

Good luck OP. You're doing a great job. Focus on the positives and all will be fine. flowers

Trainspotting1984 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:53:45

I find after a period of disruption (illness or whatever) everything falls to shit for like months. That's how finely everything hangs in the balance. But give it time and be kind to yourself x

CPtart Thu 16-Mar-17 19:54:42

Stick with it. I went back to work p/t for my sanity when DC were four and five months respectively. We had no help, so handing them over to nursery for three days was the only break we ever got. My salary effectively got swallowed up for three years, I worked to maintain my pension and my skills and confidence. Am so glad I did. The situation improved massively as they grew, although school holidays have been a continued juggling act. They always slept well too, we were mega tough at night from the word go. Never ever co-slept for example.
Getting on top of their sleeping would help I'm sure. Everything is worse when tired. Hope things improve for you soon.

JapaneseTea Thu 16-Mar-17 20:01:50

You are in the hardest time. It does get easier, it really does, then suddenly the jigsaw fits together and 'ah ha, I have a job, lovely children, some money, friends and a equal relationship with my other half'.

These are the shit bits, but in a year or two you will reap the benefits of this bloody hard work. Be proud of your self. You are doing a great job!

DontTouchTheMoustache Thu 16-Mar-17 20:04:27

I've recently gone back to full time work after mat leave and I am a single parent. Father not on the scene so no maintenance or shared custody so I am.in the thoroughly depressing position of being so tired I could cry, driving 2 hours a day commuting, living in a messy (borderline filthy) home, having strangers raise my baby 5 days per week and at the end of it all not actually breaking even so trying desperately to reduce my outgoings to make ends meet. It's fucking hard being a working mum. I think of it had a partner in wouldn't mind so much as I'd either have an extra income or wouldn't have to pay for childcare so I'd actually have enough money to make it worthwhile.

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