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to get upset about in-laws' comments?

(5 Posts)
marajade48 Thu 16-Mar-17 14:50:49

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. I have a 10 year old, who for various reasons has never had contact with his biological father. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and he has adopted my son.

AIBU to get upset about the comments being made about my in laws' "first grandchild"? I am lucky with my side of the family - my step-dad would be outraged if anyone suggested my son (and unborn baby!) were anything less than his grandchildren, and the same goes for my Grandma, who is actually my Grandad's second wife. So I don't know if I just have a different experience of non-biological-family than some others?

I know my MIL and FIL are excited, but it's really upsetting me that my son is there to hear these comments.

Am I just being overly sensitive?!

notcreative23 Thu 16-Mar-17 15:05:32

My DH grandpa said something like this the other day about my DD (she's from previous relationship) in front of us.
We stopped by to visit and they had decorators over and introduced us and the direct quote was "This is our great-grandson Jack and our adopted great-granddaughter Sarah" (names changed).
It just felt hurtful and I know he didn't mean it that way but I just don't get why he couldn't have said "great-grandchildren" in reference to both. It makes me feel like there's a preference between the two and makes me sad especially since my family doesn't live in the country so DH family is the only family the kids really know.

44PumpLane Thu 16-Mar-17 15:09:35

YANBU to be upset because clearly you can't help the way you feel and obviously it would be wonderful if your DH parents could consider your son from prior relationship in the same way as the imminent baby.

However, they won't have known your son when he was a baby, and there is definite excitement about a "new arrival" (i.e. A baby) so perhaps this is just a clumsy reference to the fact they are excited about their first grandchild who they will know from being a baby?

WhatchaMaCalllit Thu 16-Mar-17 15:19:55

First off congrats and hope that the pregnancy has gone well for you.
You have said that your DH has adopted your first child so your son is now his son too? Grand. Get your DH to have a word (before your next child is born) with his parents to say that when the baby is born, both of the children are his children and he wants his parents to know this and not to call them anything other than their grandchildren (no adopted grandchild or other flavour of that type of label).

Nip it in the bud now and you'll have a grand time.

Good luck!

Underthemoonlight Thu 16-Mar-17 15:23:12

I get how you feel my inlaws are the same they don't see my DS at a grandchild and referenced dd as their first grandchild my DS is 8 and has been in dh life from the age of 2. He does see his dad but still it's noticeable. I can't say too much as they aren't massively hands on with my dd and ds2 and all for sils child so we keep them at a distance now. It does suck though flowers

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