Is a ten year age gap between DC too big?(90 Posts)
I have 2 DC 12 & 10 and am going to be 40 this year. I have spent the past ten years bringing up the DC, juggling part time work, changing jobs and helping with my mum who isn't well. Recently I have started to feel super broody when for years have been quite happy with the status quo. Two girls in work are expecting and I don't know if that's set me off. Has anyone else got a big age gap and how does it work with your DC? Also am feeling like I would be that bit older this time and it would be like starting again. Anybody been in a similar position and have any advice?
I'm not a mum but have much bigger age gaps with my siblings - they taught me so much growing up, and as they moved out I became closer to top dog I absolutely loved it and love them all to bits!
I've got 11 years between DC 1 & 3. Have had no issues with this. Both boys. They get on brilliantly. Have DVD sleepovers with popcorn.....sometimes it's hard to tell which is the 16yo and which is the 5yo. And we're never short of a babysitter between DC 1 & 2.
I have a ten year gap. It works for me because there is no jealously and my teen is very happy to have a little brother. We do have an added complication in that the youngest has asd and a learning disability so I haven't been able to return to work and have become a full time carer instead. But I wouldn't change our family set up, I wasn't at all keen on having another child when my dd was smaller. In fact I always thought I would have just the one and was very career focused, but then I got divorced and it changed my outlook. I then remarried and we wanted a child together and along came ds, who we all love to bits (dd included). I did find the sleepless newborn days utterly horrific. Doing it in your 20s is very different to your 30s from that perspective (to me anyway!)
Exactly the same age gaps in my family - I'm 47, brother 57, sister 49. Very close to both and my mother (87) always said that I kept her young. Go for it!
12 years between mine, they adore each other and still play together!
As Schwifty said I also have a huge age gap between my siblings and me. I loved it!
I have a 9 year age gap between DCs 1&3, I think it's excellent for both of them, the little one gets to be around big bro or sis and with that comes confidence. The big one gets to form a bond with and experience a little one in a more grown up way.
I spit on your measley 10 year age gap and give you 18.5 year gap between my DS and DD.
They adore each other and have a lovely relationship.
I know you're not quite asking this but there's 10 years between my eldest and my youngest and they adore each other and love spending time together.
There's ten years between me and my only sibling. We don't know any different!
Why the sudden broodiness though? Is it just because you're getting older and approaching the point where getting pregnant again may not be possible? Is the idea of being definitely done with babies a bit scary, because it makes you feel old?
I get that. I was done with babies at 34 and felt sad that that stage of my life was over, but did I really want to be pregnant again/have another baby? Nope and nope.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say there are 9 years between me and my youngest dsis, and we dont get on at all. We can't relate to one another at all (I'm 29 she's 20; feel at very different life stages currently and have absolutely nothing in common), it's always been this way. It does make me sad because I'm close to other siblings - I'm oldest and she's youngest of 5. I just think the age gap is slightly too big in all honesty.
I am the oldest of 4. My mum had me, then 3ys gap with my brother and then 2 yrs later twins. I think that's playing on my mind too - what if it was twins! We'd need to move house! But I adore my siblings too and we are all close even though we are spread all over the world at the moment. My 2 (boy and girl) are very close but I know they would both love another x
I'm currently pg with DC3, dc1&2 are 8 & 10. They are very excited and eager to help (at the moment 😁)
I think it'll be hard going back to sleepless nights etc but it's for such a short period. My cousin has a 14yo, 3yo & 1yo and the eldest does so much for them (voluntarily).
I have 10 years between dc1 and dc3. They generally get on ok. The babysitting is helpful and there was no jealousy.
I found for me I found it harder than with the other 2. My body didn't bounce back and I was more tired. Definitely worth it though as I now feel complete.
DH has sibs who are close in age to each other, then a big gap to him.
TBH, though his parents had built in babysitters for him, it hasn't been good as they left home while he was still a child and at 44 still treat him like one. They are close to each other, but dh has always been at a very different life stage to them and has never become part of their group.
Its also meant that their kids are way older than ours, so everyone in the family was pretty much over the children thing when ds was born (youngest cousin was 11 when ds came along)
12 years between dc2 and dc3 and it has worked out great. I was worried about starting the baby phase all over again but I loved it so much that I am Now pregnant with dc4 (who will be less than 2 years younger than dc3).
I can't give you experience as a parent, but there was 12 years between me and my youngest sibling and I personally didn't enjoy it at all. Being a constant 'stand by' babysitter was awful, just because I was older (and a girl), didn't mean I had any interest in looking after a young child. I love all my siblings, but both mine and parents lives would have been a lot easier if they hadn't been born, if I'm brutally honest. After already raising kids, the later child knackered everyone emotionally and financially. It's still having ill effects almost 20 years later, on a basically selfish decision. I've said to my partner that I'd rather get sterilised than risk a late baby/huge age gap. I'm probably in the minority feeling this way, but it's just another view on it.
I am right there with you. 40 this year, just started building my career after having kids, just beginning to claw out of debt after doing a PhD, just starting to get a little more breathing space... And i really, really want another baby. Am desperately trying to convince myself it's the hormones talking.
There are 10 years between my two. She loves him and I like the fact she will remember him from being born. It'll be good for babysitting too
I'm going to go against the grain here and say there are 9 years between me and my youngest dsis, and we dont get on at all. We can't relate to one another at all (I'm 29 she's 20; feel at very different life stages currently and have absolutely nothing in common),
Give it a few years, you are still quite young.
I have two older sisters - eldest is 10 years older than me and next one 8 1/2 years older. Given they were so close in age they were always close growing up but also brilliant big sisters.
However, as a youngish adult (about the same age as your sister) I didn't necessarily feel I had very much in common with them. As we have got older though this has changed and now in our 50s and 60s we get on very well and are very close. In fact, after DH, I would say they are my best friends
Our dc are 9 and 7 and expecting dc3 in May. I've felt nervous about the gap but ATM it's lovely and exciting. With dc1 and 2 it was me and Dh having a baby, this seems like it's all of ours iyswim? Just because the dc are old enough to appreciate it and get excited etc.
Personally I think it's too big, it's one of the reasons why I stopped ttc a second when DS was eight.
I also think there's a vast difference between a ten year gap where there are children in the middle and a ten year gap with no children in between. The former is just having children spread out over ten years whereas the latter is having children and then a ten year break iyswim. Far far different.
But ten years leaves them at completely different life stages. The older one will be in secondary long before the younger one starts primary, and will have left home fairly soon after the youngest starts school. They may love each other growing up but there will be huge gaps when they have nothing to do with each other.
And it will be like going back to the beginning and starting over. Sleepless nights, nappies, potty training, toddler tantrums all while your embarrassed teenagers watch on and may not want to be involved.
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