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To wonder if it's ever OK NOT to prioritise education?

(83 Posts)
ChoccyBee Wed 15-Mar-17 23:17:22

For me, DC formal education is a massive priority, however a family I know have moved house from a very average property, average area, OK schools to a character property in a not so great area with utterly dire schools as it's always been their dream to live in a character property, (although they have said it is definitely not a 'forever home').

They were aware when they bought this character property that it was cheap because the Secondary catchment school was really really dire and there are no jobs in the area.

Of the kids living at home there is a Year 10 DD and a Year 12 DD, so obviously both are at a very critical stage. Parents have a decent standard of education (both have bachelors degree & one has Masters from RG uni) and good jobs (mother part time, father on a well above national average salary, so they're not poor but not loaded either) yet the parents feel that a degree is nice to have, but give their DD no encouragement at all! They've not saved any money towards a degree and just say they will wait and see how it pans out. I feel if they don't do a degree and move away they'll struggle to get jobs in the area!

The DCs could get a place in a different better undersubscribed school, but apparently it isn't possible as the school is an hour (I think) round trip for the parents to drive on the way to work and they say this would clash with being in work for 9am!! Both currently work in the same town with a 20min journey to work. Given there's no issue dropping the kids off at 8:30 and getting to work at 9 I took this to mean they couldn't be bothered to do the journey?

Now, I do understand that people have different ideas of what a DC education should be and that some parents prefer to HS or put a lot of time into extra curricular activities, or maybe take time off school to take DC travelling around the world or whatever and I have no issue with parents wanting to give their DC other opportunities instead of lots of formal education, however these parents do none of that at all!

They are quite concerned that youngest DD will do badly at GCSE because she is a bit lazy with some SEN, they hardly ever check homework is being done and I'm not convinced they'll help with a revision timetable when the time comes. If she does get poor results all I can think is that the parents shouldn't be too surprised?

Am I missing something here? As far as I can tell they just view having a nice house for a few years, being able to spend money instead of saving for Uni and not making the commute to work longer as more important than DC education, and to me that seems selfish. Or am I missing something and they're justifiably giving a better work life balance / home life?

Doyouwantabrew Wed 15-Mar-17 23:21:31

You lost me at parents not saving for uni fees and seeing how it pans out? That's what most of us do op.

I think you need to get your own life and stop judging theirs.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Wed 15-Mar-17 23:22:09

How 'good' a school is on paper (ofsted reports etc) is one small factor in whether DC reach their academic potential or not

It sounds like you have very fixed ideas and have already made your mind up that this family are making a mistake

You may be right but you may well be wrong

Calvinlookingforhobbs Wed 15-Mar-17 23:24:14

These days 'education ' merely prepares pupils for passing exams. Education is so much more. Maybe this family take a more holistic approach. Degrees are ten a penny, please don't pin your hopes on your children gaining one.

BakiniAtoll Wed 15-Mar-17 23:24:20

Depends on the situation, if the kids want to take over the family business (farm, restaurant etc) then to me learning the business is a far more important education.

hideehigh Wed 15-Mar-17 23:25:31

Judge much?

corythatwas Wed 15-Mar-17 23:26:00

"I feel if they don't do a degree and move away they'll struggle to get jobs in the area!"

How do you mean? Is there any part of the country where all the inhabitants do graduate jobs? Where no one needs a plumber or an electrician or a carpenter or a store manager?

Is it not possible, given the age of the children, that it is already clear that their path will lie elsewhere? I have known for many years that ds is unlikely to go to university, so am working on helping him to find something else suitable to do. This is not about failing to prioritise education but about seeing that a university education is only right for some people.

timeforabrewnow Wed 15-Mar-17 23:29:33

You know an awful lot of details about this family! I mean really, it strikes me that you need to live your own life.

And news flash - just because someone doesn't attend uni does not condemn them to a dreadful life. Maybe the DD doesn't want to go.

So what....

Sorry if that post is abrupt, but the OP does sound judgey to the max

dodobookends Wed 15-Mar-17 23:30:32

Crikey, did you join MN just so you could get all that off your chest? And what has this family got to do with you anyway?

Doyouwantabrew Wed 15-Mar-17 23:40:36

Are you the mil?? As a mil myself I love a good dil bash thread! grin always makes me grateful for being normal and grateful 2 fabulous women took on my lads grin

My dils are ace by the way

ImFuckingSpartacus Wed 15-Mar-17 23:42:27

Am I missing something here?

You to appear to be missing that its not your life, not your family, not your kids, and not your business.

Kiwiinkits Wed 15-Mar-17 23:43:19

Judgey McJudgerson.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 15-Mar-17 23:45:13

You know far too much about this family's life!

chitofftheshovel Wed 15-Mar-17 23:45:15

So much much more to education than academia. Live and let live.

unfortunateevents Wed 15-Mar-17 23:51:54

You seem very over-invested in the business of someone else's family? What is your concern here?

EmeraldScorn Thu 16-Mar-17 00:01:12

My mum didn't save for us (my siblings and I) to go to university, are you calling her selfish for making the decision to clothe and feed us instead?

I can never understand why certain people want to map a child's whole future out, have you considered the fact that not everyone can/wants to go to university? Obviously not, because it seems you're very narrow minded and you live in a bubble of superiority.

Academia does not define success or self worth, nor does what type of house someone lives in or what school they attend.

You sound like you're stalking the family, weird!

Yamadori Thu 16-Mar-17 00:02:00

MYOB

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:39:43

Crikey, did you join MN just so you could get all that off your chest?

Waves to DoDo

Nope, I'm an old poster who NC regularly. Mexican house thief, river of poo, hamster stew, etc etc.

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:42:24

And what has this family got to do with you anyway?

Are you the MIL

grinnope, I'm not the MIL, though I can see how it might sound a bit pearl clutching MIL!

I will say that t's pretty normal to be concerned about those close to you though.

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:44:41

How 'good' a school is on paper (ofsted reports etc) is one small factor in whether DC reach their academic potential or not

I'm not judging on OFSTED. I'm judging on the DP having said it was shite. But actually it is having big problems with OFSTED, yes.

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:47:12

I'm not fixated on the idea of the degree. I don't think a degree should be for everyone! Perhaps I didn't explain it very well, but I just feel like the DP give no support or direction and haven't in any way made the DD feel as though doing a degree is an achievable option, not because it isn't achievable, but because there is no parental input.

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:48:53

My mum didn't save for us (my siblings and I) to go to university, are you calling her selfish for making the decision to clothe and feed us instead?

The answer is obvious enough to make that comment pointlessly goady!

ChoccyBee Thu 16-Mar-17 00:51:15

have you considered the fact that not everyone can/wants to go to university? Obviously not, because it seems you're very narrow minded and you live in a bubble of superiority.

Massive assumption there, you don't know anything about my background / world view!

RedBullBlood Thu 16-Mar-17 00:57:31

No, we don't know anything about you or your background. But you've name changed, presumably to avoid being 'outed', while posting a lot of detail about a family you know and are inviting comments from posters around the world about a situation that isn't your business.

venys Thu 16-Mar-17 01:02:30

Personally I don't think the school maketh the person, and educational outcomes largely depend on the individual. My parents never ever helped or oversaw my homework and I ended up with a degree and graduate diploma..Nor did they pay for my education. I ended up ok in terms of career. I would also add that these days I only see a degree as being useful for a select few career choices. The cost of a less focussed degree is not worth it unless you are doing it for a hobby. YABU.

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