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AIBU?

To despise living alone??

65 replies

Toobloodytired · 15/03/2017 20:39

Posting here for traffic.

Have just moved to a 2 bed flat ready for the birth of my baby next month.

Family helped & stayed for a bit afterwards, now I'm alone & actually just want to sit & cry!

I've got the tv on solely for background noise but honestly I hate not living with another adult!

Just want to pack my stuff back up & move back in with my dad --I'm 26 btw so am too old to be living with daddy! And of course having a baby soon!
--
Tell me il get used to it, this is the first time I've had my own place but on my own, completely without anyone else!

OP posts:

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aliceinwanderland · 15/03/2017 20:41

It takes a few days but you'll get used to it. I always had the radio on (didn't have a tv for 6 months). Also had a good book on the go.

Lilaclily · 15/03/2017 20:43

I would concentrate on making your new house a home, think of how you want it to be, look on pinterest for ideas

Also enjoy the rest and quiet and catch up on netflix or boxset etc

Do you work ? Will you have company tomorrow? If not go for a walk or to a coffee shop just to get you out and about

PossumInAPearTree · 15/03/2017 20:43

Funny isn't it how to me it sounds ideal! Grass is always greener I guess.

I have lived by myself before for a while and loved it. But guess it does take some getting used to. Is baby's dad not on the scene at all? Can you invite someone over for pizza or something tomorrow?

PatButchersEarring · 15/03/2017 20:43

Why can't you move back in with your Dad?? I would!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/03/2017 20:46

I hate it too so you have my sympathies. When I lived alone I would stay at the gym for hours, pop to the shop etc... Having a pet helped, oddly.

Nothing wrong with living with family whether you're 6, 26 or 46! It's a bit of an English foible expecting people to move our at 18, regardless! Don't be ashamed if you do decide to go back.

Loads of people love living alone so hopefully you will turn out to be one of those people.

museumum · 15/03/2017 20:50

I enjoyed it (didn't have a baby then) but knowing my neighbours really helped. I'd say go and introduce yourself to them all now before the baby comes - make up some random question as an excuse "what day are the bins collected" or "is there a window cleaner" or something g about the garden, any pretext.

Toobloodytired · 15/03/2017 20:52

I'm not one for being on my own. I also don't enjoy my own company.

My ex left last year, we don't talk at all so he won't be much use in terms of company!

Moved back in with my dad after my marriage ended 2 years ago, loved living there, simply because I was the child again!

My bedroom was too small to be able to stay there so I decided to move close to my mum as she'll be much more help in the long term.

It's a nice area I live in, the place is just what I need, it's huge too....just missing a guy to cuddle with on the sofa I'm such a loser!

OP posts:

Toobloodytired · 15/03/2017 20:57

I can't move back :( my sister (older) is moving in to save some money & then when my dad moves out, her & her husband will rent the whole house.

My brother (slightly younger) is also moving in to save some money too!

I did plan on staying long term but my dad decided to drop it on me that he'd likely move in with his OH by the end of the year meaning I'd have to move as I can't afford the rent, so I decided to do it all now before the baby comes so I didn't have to move with him too!

I'd absolutely love a cat or dog but not sure the landlord would allow it! It would be pretty great if he did.

Maybe I could dog sit for someone for a few weeks to see if I can cope!

OP posts:

lavenderandrose · 15/03/2017 20:58

In all honesty, there will probably be a few pages of how wonderful it is and how jealous everyone is.

It isn't. I don't like it and nor do most people.

Lilaclily · 15/03/2017 20:59

Nor do most people? Really ! I know loads who love it!

Etymology23 · 15/03/2017 21:01

I freaked out massively when I first lived on my own. Just cried and cried uncontrollably. I think it was because my home didn't feel like it was mine and there was also no one else there to make it feel homely. Serious cleaning helped, as did putting up pictures and (for me) doing masses of DIY. I love living on own now, though I still end up staying with a friend or parents or having people to stay once every 2 ish weeks.

lavenderandrose · 15/03/2017 21:01

And are they going to stay living on their own forever? :) No plans to ever meet someone and marry and have children?

I'm not trying to be an arse, but what can be great briefly or as a novelty when your husband is away for the weekend can quickly become very empty.

Etymology23 · 15/03/2017 21:03

Would also second getting to know the neighbours, I love long chats with mine and they have been so kind and helpful. Just seen you're renting so DIY (esp pregnant/with a baby probably not an option !

Lilaclily · 15/03/2017 21:03

It's usually after they've lived with someone that they prefer to live in their own, or at least with the kids and no partner , the happiest I know to be living alone are the divorced ones

Lushka · 15/03/2017 21:05

I've lived alone for 5 years lavender and I bloody love it!

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 15/03/2017 21:05

I think it takes a bit of getting used to. Try and fill your day with activities. You won't be on your own when you have the baby!

LilaoftheGreenwood · 15/03/2017 21:07

I love living alone - but I'm 38, I think at 26 and with a baby on the way I'd have felt lonely and daunted, this sounds completely normal.

How near is your mum? Could you get a pretty regular arrangement of mutual visiting going on? Living alone just means you sleep in different places, it doesn't mean you can't live a communal life with nearby family if you both want that.

HarrietVane99 · 15/03/2017 21:10

I've nearly always lived alone. Wouldn't ever want to live with anyone. I appreciate it's probably different when you're alone with a small baby, though.

OP, it does take a while to stamp your personality on a new place and make it feel like yours. Little things like having your books, photos, cushions, bedding and so on around will help. And yes to having some music playing in the background.

mayoli · 15/03/2017 21:11

I've lived alone since I was 16 and it gets easier as time goes on. I now have two cats which helped massively (and landlord's have in the past not known about them- oops!). I'm currently TTC and actually slightly worrying about getting used to living with someone again even though I know it'll be fine and I used to hate living alone so much! Get a radio, or play music a lot. Make sure friends are around as much as you can deal with if that might help. Lots of hugs. xx

Babydontcry · 15/03/2017 21:16

I sympathise, I hate it

olderthanyouthink · 15/03/2017 21:16

I moved out a couple months ago and I cried at first. Its very weird but you get used to it eventually.

harderandharder2breathe · 15/03/2017 21:16

I love living alone. I have for almost 3 years and no partner, no plans for any partner anytime soon.

If you don't love it, make sure you get out every day, even just to the shop for milk or bread. Are you working? That helps hugely with getting out of the house. Make plans with friends. It doesn't have to be a big night out or cost money, now the weather is improving especially.

Make your home a nice place to be.

You won't be along for long, you'll soon have a baby taking up all your time and attention

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Frouby · 15/03/2017 21:17

I lived alone from being 18 to 28. Then had dd.

I loved every minute of it. But my friend lived alone and hated it. Everyone is different.

My advice is to try and make it cosy and lovely for when your baby comes. When he/she does enjoy the lovely cosiness that is living alone with your baby. When dd was tiny and then a toddler I loved the 'us against the world' feeling. I was happy as a pig in shit pottering around at weekends doing diy and making the garden nice. One day you might live with a new partner and will look back at those early days and remember how earth mother you were. I was anyway!

Laura2507 · 15/03/2017 21:19

Lavenderandrose just because you may not like living alone doesn't mean others don't! I'm not saying you are wrong that people feel that way, however it is wrong to assume most people feel that way. What is that assumption based on? Your own feelings?

I've lived on my own, with a partner, as a lodger, back with parents, with housemates and whilst I'm not in a relationship I absolutely prefer living on my own! I like my own space. It's one thing putting up with someone's annoying habits when you love them but when you are barely even friends with them it can be unbearable!

Of course being in a relationship is different and when the time is right I would prefer to live with that person, but that's because of the whole relationship package, not just to avoid living on my own

Anyway OP you ANBU to feel that way, but give yourself time to settle in. Getting used to a new home can take some time in any situation. You may feel different once baby is here too. I'm sure you will have tons of visitors then too!

Ginkypig · 15/03/2017 21:21

Once you get used to it and especially after the baby arrives you should be ok.

If your really unhappy though could one of your siblings move in with you for a couple/few months?

They want to save a bit of money and you want a bit of company, it might work

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