To feel heartbroken hurt

(136 Posts)
yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:15:44

Hope this is in the right place,
I am hurting really bad and don't know how to deal with my feelings or the best way to handle this.
I started a long distance relationship with a lovely sweet guy I met online.
We have known each other for 1 year now.
I have pushed away a partner of 30 years because I drifted from him and fell in love with this other guy.
I got my own place moved out and my long distance man comes every weekend to see me always respected him for that because he works 6 days a week and comes after work on the train.
I live for his visits cant get him out of my head.
If I get upset when he goes he reassures me he will keep coming.
During the week he texts me video calls me always saying he misses me loves me.
He has a friend who owns a takeaway who wants his help as friend has had to go away so my man is going straight from his day job to the takeaway even though he doesn't even know if friend is going to pay him anything obviously he wants him there Saturdays when he normally comes to me.
I feel so gutted that he has considered it over me but I haven't let him know my feelings I want to spill it out to him how its making me feel the friend will possibly be away for up to 6 weeks however he has been asking him to come and work there properly.
I know I probably need to get a life but I am feeling so unhappy and hurt I have tried and tried to accept in my head and get a life but still the hurt is there.
He didnt come Saturday gone I hated it he called me asking how I am that day when he was on his way to the takeaway to see how I was and I said I was sad he seemed a little surprised when I told him iyt was because he wasn't coming.
He said he would come now and forget the takeaway and I told him no carry on and we agreed for me to come to him next day.
He text me the next day asking how I was and asked if I had booked his train ticket for this Saturday and I said no and he said I will come.
I have been feeling like I am in his way and shouldn't cause him trouble like a hanger on desperate woman so said If he needs to go to the shop I will support him and come to him he said no I wanna see you so I said okay we will chat about it after.
Never did get the chance to chat has he is so busy.
Today I said let me know what you are going to do then and he replied saying I will let you know after.
I know I am giving mixed messages but I am bottling it all up.
I am churning up inside so much wanting him with me instead of that shop. He says his happy time is with me and he wants to meet me every week so I am trying to process why he cant just say no I am to see my woman.
Please help me get a grip how should I handle this.

fusspot66 Wed 15-Mar-17 19:18:16

Do you pay for his train tickets?

Applebite Wed 15-Mar-17 19:19:00

You book his train tickets for him to come and see you? And he won't let you go over there - have you ever been to his house, OP?

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:19:01

No I don't I book them he gives me the cash

Wando1986 Wed 15-Mar-17 19:19:15

Why are you booking his train tickets?

Crowdblundering Wed 15-Mar-17 19:19:17

Can I suggest you move this to "relationships" as AIBU is no place to be when feeling vulnerable.

Hope you are ok OP.

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:19:37

He does let me go to his and I have been yes

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:20:22

I am not feeling okay so sad

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:20:57

I was gonna put in relationships but thought this topic more active

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:21:47

He is how can I say a bit not getting around to things

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:22:30

I always book them because I look for the cheapest deals as well

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:23:57

He doesn't stop me going to his not sure if I gave that impression.

Deadsouls Wed 15-Mar-17 19:27:21

What is your dilemma?

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:29:24

Should he put the takeaway over me

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:30:08

Over our meetings on weekends

Deadsouls Wed 15-Mar-17 19:32:50

Well....it's only 6 weeks. And you are telling him, 'oh no carry on' with the takeaway. Have you told him how upset you are?

ArchNotImpudent Wed 15-Mar-17 19:34:10

It seems very generous of your partner to look after his friend's takeaway for up to 6 weeks with no assurance of being paid - are they very old friends who are really close? Has the friend done favours for your partner in the past?

Couldn't you go to see him on Saturdays - OK, he'd be at the takeaway, but presumably not all day and if it's your only chance to meet, that sounds like the best compromise.

If it's for six weeks at most, you probably need to wait and see how things go after that - you say you've known each other for a year - for how much of that were you in a relationship? It sounds like it could still be early days for you as a couple.

I think you should be letting him arrange his own train tickets - you're setting an unhealthy precedent by doing this for him - you shouldn't risk settling into a pattern where you have to organise his life for him.

Deadsouls Wed 15-Mar-17 19:34:27

It sounds like maybe your whole life revolves around his visit, so when that is not possible you feel devasted.

HerOtherHalf Wed 15-Mar-17 19:34:44

If he works 6 days a week you are going to have to accept that sometimes he'll want his 1 free day for something other than you. The fact that it's helping his mate out in his shop isn't really the issue. It's his working pattern combined with the distance. Accept it, move closer together or move on.

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:34:50

Not really dead I am worried about getting in his way. Has I said I had mentioned Saturday I was sad he wasn't coming but hats it

JustHereForThePooStories Wed 15-Mar-17 19:35:34

You've ended a 30 year relationship for a guy who graces you with his presence one night a week, and now he's choosing an unpaid shift in a chip shop over seeing you?

You're being taken for a ride.

I remember your other post about him using chat lines, and worrying about his Whatsapp activity.

This isn't a relationship.

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:36:54

Not possible to see him Saturday has he is going straight from day job to takeaway

joannegrady90 Wed 15-Mar-17 19:37:15

Sorry but you need to chill out before you drive him away..

Perhaps a hobby or some friends ?

And make sure you're not available every Saturday, you need to remain independant.

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:38:13

Its really not possible for him to see me more

yessir Wed 15-Mar-17 19:39:34

Well that's why I am bottling it up because I don't wanna drive him away

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