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To be hacked off that my friends, whom I introduced to each other, have both dumped me and are now best of friends?

(40 Posts)
Clapwhenyourehappy Wed 15-Mar-17 15:55:06

I have been friends with two women, I'll call them J and L, for several years, separately from each other. J's children go to the same school that my DCs go to. L lives a couple of doors away from me and has a child that started at the same school last September.

I introduced J and L to each other at the end of the summer holidays, just before L's child started school. As soon as the schools went back, I noticed that J and L were chatting a lot to each other at school collection each day, which is of course fine. However after a while if I went over to talk to them too they would both go fairly quiet as if I was interrupting something huge, and they'd also both be quite offhand with me.

Then they both started to be offhand with me if I saw them separately, with both acting like they had to avoid me at all costs and as if they couldn't get away from me quick enough. They'd both sort of carry on walking if they saw me and just talk quickly over their shoulder as they walked off. They also both stopped replying to any texts that I sent them and I noticed that they both stopped liking or commenting on anything I put on Facebook, whilst at the same time tagging each other regularly for being such a good friend to each other.

I suggested a couple of times after this to each of them separately about meeting up for a coffee but both were very vague and busy so that obviously never came into fruition. I didn't think it would, to be fair. However they both seem to be socialising with each other a lot, even doing things like going to the cinema together and out for a drink. L always refused to go to the cinema or out to a pub with me as she apparently hates cinemas and pubs....

I have other friends, and I know I should just think fuck them, but it's really pissed me off. I have just a few minutes ago got back from the school run with DS and I saw J walking down L's driveway; when she saw me she looked at the hedge next to her as she walked along as if she was looking at it so intently she couldn't possibly see me or say hello to me.

AIBU to be fucked off about it all?

Astoria7974 Wed 15-Mar-17 15:57:11

Call them out on it and then never see them again. You don't need friends like that.

Clapwhenyourehappy Wed 15-Mar-17 15:59:14

I should have added in my OP that I've asked each of them a couple of times if I've done anything to upset them and said I feel like they're ignoring me but they both said no, of course I hadn't done anything and that they weren't avoiding me, so I felt a bit silly.

youvegottabekiddingme Wed 15-Mar-17 15:59:58

Sounds odd. Maybe neither of them were actually good friends with you to start with and just had a friendship of convenience or something. Sometimes it happens.
Forget about them and spend time with your real friends.
But just for curiosity's sake you could jut ask them what on earth happened that would make them behave in such a manner.

Sonnet Wed 15-Mar-17 16:00:05

how pathetic and childish - hold your head up high OP and move on.
Do not give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset you flowers

welovepancakes Wed 15-Mar-17 16:01:10

You can't control who people become friends with. I agree it's hurtful to be left out

Clapwhenyourehappy Wed 15-Mar-17 16:02:25

It's not the being friends with each other that upsets me, it's the fact that they are both clearly not talking to me anymore and are avoiding me and not wanting to see me.

tanfield90 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:05:50

What an unpleasant situation. Is this an example of being 'Wendied' ?

OliviaBenson Thu 16-Mar-17 19:08:22

This is exactly what being wendied is. It sucks op.

DJBaggySmalls Thu 16-Mar-17 19:12:44

YANBU to be hacked off, its childish and ridiculous that some people think this is ok behaviour.
But you cant fix it. Time to move on and leave them to it.

thegoodnameshadgone Thu 16-Mar-17 19:17:33

Fuck them OP if your local we can ignore them together wink

Italwaysworksitselfout Thu 16-Mar-17 19:17:45

Why is it called being 'Wendied'?
I think it's horrible and immature and you should just leave them to their own little friendship. Pride yourself in the fact you brought them together and concentrate on other friendships that are more important. So you really want to be friends with people who do this to others?

DJBaggySmalls Thu 16-Mar-17 19:19:53

Why is it called being 'Wendied'?
I thought it was because of the controlling kids who always took over the Wendy house in school and decided who could play in there with them.
But I've seen other people say it was because of a couple of threads on MN both involving women called Wendy.

Booksandmags79 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:21:46

I'd be really upset too. Unfortunately you have tried to speak to them about it and they've denied it, even though you know that things are different.
You can only control your own behaviour and so you either accept whatever friendship (if any) they're offering, or preferably just take yourself out of the situation altogether. You don't have to have a showdown or be rude. If you see them at school a brief smile and 'morning' will do. Then get on with your life and focus on the friends and family that treat you well.
You've made lots of effort so take a step back and let them come to you. If they don't, then as hurtful as it is, you have your answer.
Yanbu at all. I know from experience that losing friends is really hurtful.

Whosafraidofabigduckfart Thu 16-Mar-17 19:27:32

There was a thread about a lady who was named Wendy

It resonated with a lot of posters and the basic scenario is now known as being Wendied

A befriends Wendy and then introduces her to her friends. Wendy then muscles in on friends and muscles a out
A is usually cast aside without knowing why and ignored by the others in the group.

ifcatscouldtalk Thu 16-Mar-17 19:29:48

When my daughter was nursery/primary school age I soon realised some of the mum's still had that 14 year old mentality with friendship groups. It's the sort of thing you need to rise above and ignore, although i really feel for you in the way this all came about as you sound like a genuine nice person. I give it a couple of months and they'll be snubbing each other. I remember these types well.grin .

BeachysSnowyWellieBoots Thu 16-Mar-17 19:31:51

Wendy was the original friend nicker on MN....

It's horrible when it happens, sometimes people just use other people to source friends.... it's unpleasant, but best to just ignore them really. You won't have done anything wrong.....

Aeroflotgirl Thu 16-Mar-17 19:34:16

I know two Wendy's, they are absolutely lovely, I introduced both to each other in the hope hat they would be friends, as they are both like each other, but they haven't.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 16-Mar-17 19:35:27

They both have ds whose Autism is totally similar, think PDA, and thought they would be a sounding board to each other.

MrsJayy Thu 16-Mar-17 19:37:55

This happened to me it really hurts op the besties as they now call themselves blantantly leave me out they did ask me to something about 8 years ago, I told them to stick it up their arse. <Childish>

ToffeeForEveryone Thu 16-Mar-17 19:41:45

How good friends were you with each of them individually before you introduced them?

derenstar Thu 16-Mar-17 19:42:02

Is it possible that you may have said/shared something unpleasant about each of them, when you were friends with them but they weren't yet friends? It may be now they're friends they've compared notes and aren't happy with you? Only other reason I can think of.

GirlnamedMax Thu 16-Mar-17 19:43:25

It's not an example of being wendied

IamFriedSpam Thu 16-Mar-17 20:01:45

YANBU I would be fucked off too! Nothing you can or should do about it though! They sound like they get a kick out of deliberately excluding you (if they were both friends with you and happy to hang out before it seems odd otherwise that they feel the need to avoid you now).On the plus side you won't have to waste any more time with them - they'll probably do the same to each other in a few months.

Italwaysworksitselfout Thu 16-Mar-17 20:06:27

Ah ok I thought so. It's happened to me on many occassions in the past and it's upseting but you really can't let it take over your life. I am sort of having this problem at the moment.
A friend of over 10 years went through a hideously bad time and myself and dh did everything to support her and her ds. She then met her now dp and moved in with him which we found out through FB but she connected with a lot of old school friends. We went from seeing each other at least once a week to once a year in the space of 2 years. We were replaced with a couple the dp was friends with and she is now bfs with them. She still messages me but when I see her posts about her nights out and activities with said friends I get upset because I need her right now and she is always too busy to make time.
I suppose it's harder to come to terms with when you see them every day

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