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Friend asking for money

(82 Posts)
fuckoffdailysnail Wed 15-Mar-17 07:32:49

This could be identifying so changed a couple of details but the main facts remain the same. I have a good friend, we have known eachother since primary school so about 22 years now! We have have 2 children at the same ages. She is always short on money, her and her partner are in low paid jobs so when she asks I always help her out with the odd £10 for bread and milk etc and it's never been a problem.
Yesterday she rang me in tears asking me to lend her £20 for some bread, milk, yoghurts etc for her DC and she would pay me back next week. I explained I was at work but could transfer the money when I get home as I didn't have my card reader thing with me, or she could ask someone else and I could then send the money to them and she could pay it back to me iyswim?
Friend didn't like this said I'm being tight and letting her kids starve and slammed the phone down. About an hour later a mutual friend emailed me to say she had also been asked to lend money but refused because friend had been on a night out over the weekend and spent £150! I didn't know about the night out or how she could have spent that much!
So who is being unreasonable? I had no way of transferring her any money until I got home but would have sent the money to someone else if they'd given her it. I'm now unsure about lending her money if she is spending excessive amounts on nights out but has nothing for her DCs lunches.
We've been friends so long and she's always paid me back promptly so not sure what to think
Sorry this is long

Trifleorbust Wed 15-Mar-17 07:35:55

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You were prepared to lend the money, you just couldn't do so that moment. She is being massively rude.

But if she has always paid you back I don't think what she spends the money on (nights out) is an issue. The issue is that she was so rude to you, when you are under no obligation to lend to her at all and have repeatedly done her favours. I would just say no, I don't want to lend you money anymore.

ExitPursuedByUser54321 Wed 15-Mar-17 07:36:12

Tricky. If she always pays you back and it's only small amounts then I see no problem in continuing your generosity. But the £150 on a night out would leave a sour taste and I would find it hard to keep quiet.

troodiedoo Wed 15-Mar-17 07:37:24

YANBU. She is. Amazes me the entitlement of some people. If someone asks for money, say yes or no, you are not obliged to give a reason. And that's the end of it.

Personally I wouldn't lend her any more, but that's your call obviously.

Screwinthetuna Wed 15-Mar-17 07:40:21

There is no excuse for her being so rude, it is not your fault that she doesn't have money to feed her kids! Sorry but not your responsibility. She sounds like she needs to grow up.
You sound like a great friend, btw, so don't let her make you feel bad

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 15-Mar-17 07:40:40

I wouldn't lend, not after that reaction.

She's taking you for a mug.

SaucyJack Wed 15-Mar-17 07:40:59

I wouldn't lend her anything again after the way she spoke to you.

Her and her partner need to grow up and learn to budget like every other fucker has to.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 15-Mar-17 07:41:10

I would see it as a chance to stop lending just based on her rudeness alone!

JustSpeakSense Wed 15-Mar-17 07:41:30

She called you tight and slammed the phone down!?

Don't ever lend her money again!

RuggerHug Wed 15-Mar-17 07:42:03

Yanbu. You offered and she went off on one, the rest is irrelevant. If she tries again don't have cash or card reader to hand.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Wed 15-Mar-17 07:42:11

I wouldn't lend her anymore either.

She blamed you for 'letting her kids starve'.

It's her responsibility to feed them, not yours.

It would be different if she was skint and asked you politely, but she wasted money on a night out without making sure that she had enough bread etc to last then put the guilt trip on you to fix it and was rude to you in the process.

It sounds like it's gone beyond asking for a favour and into an expectation that you will bail her out.

WateryTart Wed 15-Mar-17 07:42:38

I would just stop lending her money. Some day soon she will stop paying you back.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Wed 15-Mar-17 07:43:40

The fact she put a night out before her dc is def not your problem. As long as the bank of op exists she will never learn to budget. .

FaithAgain Wed 15-Mar-17 07:45:28

She's incredibly rude! Her reaction when you said you couldn't do it immediately suggests she has come to expect you to loan her money. If she really has blown her cash on a night out, it's not that she's actually struggling for money, rather that she doesn't have her priorities right! I wouldn't lend her money again after the way she spoke to you. She needs education on how to manage her money so regular loans! If she gets arsey, I'd just say that loaning money can cause tensions between friends and you'd rather not do it again.

ShatnersWig Wed 15-Mar-17 07:45:42

I am astonished any sane person actually needs to ask the rest of us who was being unreasonable

eggcurry Wed 15-Mar-17 07:46:25

You're not letting her kids starve she is. I've been on a tight budget. Kids food comes before a night out.

CookieLady Wed 15-Mar-17 07:48:18

She let her kids starve. How dare she try and blame you for her failings. Do not lend her anymore money.

coconutpie Wed 15-Mar-17 07:49:52

YANBU and she's no friend either. I wouldn't lend to her every again. She needs to learn how to budget like everybody else.

nonononononnoon39382920 Wed 15-Mar-17 07:50:13

So you were at work. Where was she? hmm

Her kids are not your responsibility. YANBU. Stop lending her money that you work for.

Florrick Wed 15-Mar-17 07:51:23

Does your friend work? Could she ask for an advance?

HecateAntaia Wed 15-Mar-17 07:53:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 15-Mar-17 07:55:19

No more lending. EVER. Tell her why, too.

myusernamewastaken Wed 15-Mar-17 07:58:37

Her slamming the phone down on me would be the end of the friendship....what a not lend her any more money are just being seen as a walking purse by her.

Hardyloveit Wed 15-Mar-17 07:59:10

Like you I would have lent small amounts here or there......HOWEVER once I had found out she spent ALOT on a night out..... I would stop lending any more money and if she asked why I would tell her.
She needs to prioritise her money! She's spent it because she knows you will lend her it.

Mulberry72 Wed 15-Mar-17 07:59:24

YANBU. She's very bloody rude and chooses to piss her money up the wall instead of prioritising her DC.

I wouldn't lend her any more money, she's using you as an interest free overdraft facility.

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