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AIBU?

To return the is handknitted gift to the family

21 replies

positivity123 · 15/03/2017 07:00

I had my DD 4 months ago and a good friend of my DM knitted a little hooded jacket for her. It's a bit wonky but obviously time and love had been put in to it.
Sadly the family friend passed away very suddenly at the weekend. She had 2 DCs aged 29 and 26 but no grandchildren. Shall I send it back to them with a note saying how sorry I am to hear about their mothers death and here is something for any children they have I the future so they have something knitted by their mum.
I just think that this friend would have knitted lots for their grandchildren had she been around to see them but now she'll never meet them so it would become a nice family heirloom. But I don't want to make their grief worse by highlighting this.

OP posts:

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christinarossetti · 15/03/2017 07:02

Send the letter of condolences, but not the cardi. You have no idea what their stories are or will be re their own children.

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/03/2017 07:02

It is a kind thought, but if I were you I'd hang on to it. They may not want it now, but they probably will in future. If you present it now then they may fixate on the fact that mum never saw their DC

Obviouspretzel · 15/03/2017 07:03

I would do it. They would be grieving anyway so I wouldn't worry about highlighting it. I think it's a really nice thing to do.

Batteriesallgone · 15/03/2017 07:03

No. It was knitted for your child. Plus there's only one, and two children, so it would have to be taken by one of them.

OhDearToby · 15/03/2017 07:04

I'd keep hold of it just now and send it in the event that one of them/their partner does fall pregnant.

seastargirl · 15/03/2017 07:04

I'd wrap it in tissue and give it if/when grandchildren arrive. I've got a shirt that my auntie bought my son which I will pass to my cousin if she has children so she has something that her mum picked.

FlyingElbows · 15/03/2017 07:04

No, not now! Save until one of them does have a child, I'm sure they'd appreciate it then.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 15/03/2017 07:05

I'd save it for event hey do have children and offer it then.

Donthate · 15/03/2017 07:05

Hold onto it in case they have dc in the future.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 15/03/2017 07:05

I think that I would wait until your dd 'grows out' of it (even if too wonky to wear) and the death is less raw, but I probably would return it with a little note then.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 15/03/2017 07:08

Yes. I have only one cardi that my mum knitted, passed on in the same way. It upsets me, because I know she would have knitted so much, but I am so glad I have it. I've still got it, even though my eldest is a teen now.

Trifleorbust · 15/03/2017 07:10

I think that is a lovely idea. I would keep hold of it and not use it, though. Then offer it back to them if a baby comes along.

Lessthanaballpark · 15/03/2017 07:13

It's a lovely thought but I would wait till they have children. Think how precious it will be to them then when they actually are expecting a child that they know can wear something their grandma knitted.

In the meantime put it on your DD because that is what your friend wanted.

Liiinoo · 15/03/2017 07:14

I agree with all the posters saying keep it safe for now and give it to them when and if they have a baby. You are very thoughtful to think of it.

MrsTwix · 15/03/2017 07:18

Send a picture of your DD wearing it and I agree only send it if and when a baby arrives.
You just never know if they can or will have children and if there are infertility issues then this could really really hurt.

Trifleorbust · 15/03/2017 07:22

Oh and I wouldn't have my DD wear it in the meantime in case it stretched.

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 07:30

Lovely idea , but the timing is wrong. Hold on to it until the time is right in the future.

positivity123 · 15/03/2017 07:53

Thanks all. I'll hold off for the future and keep it safe for now.

OP posts:

FaithAgain · 15/03/2017 07:58

It's a thoughtful gesture. I agree though, save it.

When I had DD, an extended family member sent me a blanket my DMum had bought for her DS several years before. He'd outgrown it so she sent it to me with a note of explanation. Since my Mum died 6 years before DD was born, I cried my eyes out! It was like receiving a gift my Mum had chosen IYSWIM? I can only imagine, if they have DCs in the future, how delighted they'd be to receive something hand knitted by their loved one. So yes, I vote to save it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 15/03/2017 08:34

I'm sorry to hear she passed away, so very hard for her family & friends 💐

I would actually send it now, I would have loved the equivalent when my Dad died. I'd love to have it even if I didn't have a child and we would have let it 'do the rounds' of the grandchildren had we all had them after. It's possibly the last thing she ever knitted, those things are very special to many of us, even if the item itself isn't useful.

Rainydayspending · 15/03/2017 08:43

Definitely hang on to it just in case, for now just a card/ flowers. My gran never knitted for my children (she taught me to knit). I think if her whenever I make knitted thing!

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