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Can I get a divorce ?

(19 Posts)
user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:12:48

Not aibu but posting for traffic .
I'm in a bit of a pickle tbh . I'm 23 with three small children and I've been married for 5 years .

My husband has been violent to me on occasion , but not for over two years now . I desperately want a divorce . I am happy to continue living with him until he has found a place of his own and we have agreed to do this , I wouldn't dream of making him homeless for the children's sake.

I am a sahm , I have no qualifications or experience so getting any sort of job is proving extremely difficult but I am going to start a college course in September . My husband works but is on a low income and we get child tax credits and housing benefit . We are separated but live together currently meaning that I can't claim income support as a single parent or anything else to help.

My problem is that I don't know how to go about getting help with legal fees and court costs - I would be eligible for help with court costs and possible legal aid if I could claim income support but I can't do that because he is still living here . Does anyone have any suggestions of help I may be entitled to ? Also is the historical domestic violence grounds for divorce ?
Please don't say to either stay married or kick him out because neither are an option . I cannot cope anymore with him having this 'claim' over me .

19lottie82 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:13:53

Surely your first priority should be leaving him, rather than the legality of a divorce?

user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:14:59

We are separated already , we don't share any aspect of our lives and don't do anything together . He can't afford to move out yet and I couldn't make him homeless

19lottie82 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:18:17

In fairness you're not really separated, you're still living together and making a joint claim for tax credits ect.

Do you plan on living together forever? It can't be a healthy environment for your kids, and I don't want to upset you but surely your loyalty should be to them, rather than making a man who is violent towards women, homeless?

19lottie82 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:19:20

Do you really think things will change with a bit of paper that says your divorced, if you're still living together?

user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:20:03

We certainly don't plan on living together forever , he is saving for a deposit and as soon as he has enough he will be gone . It's hard to explain but I really feel like I cannot cope anymore with legally being his wife . It makes me sick to my stomach

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 14-Mar-17 20:22:07

We are separated already , we don't share any aspect of our lives and don't do anything together

I'm not sure you are class3d as 'seoerate' if you are still making joint benefit claims.

user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:24:20

We can't make separate claims until he has moved out . Believe me I have tried

19lottie82 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:33:50

Is he actually saving up to move out? You need to agree a realistic date with him and make sure he sticks to it.

user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:38:07

He is definitely saving . We have agreed by the end of the year at the very very latest . It's difficult because it's obviously expensive for a deposit and first months rent ect plus any agency fees plus because he is the only one working and he still has to pay for things in this house and he has debts . I feel like I'm in a pretty vulnerable situation ATM because I still have to rely on him financially (except from the small amount of child benefit and tax credits that gets paid direct to my bank)

Hellothereitsme Tue 14-Mar-17 20:46:29

I'm not sure ifcyiuvwoukd get help with legal and court fees. Did you report the DV to the police or a GP?

Hellothereitsme Tue 14-Mar-17 20:47:00

I'm not sure ifcyiuvwoukd get help with legal and court fees. Did you report the DV to the police or a GP?

Hellothereitsme Tue 14-Mar-17 20:47:42

If you would.

Sorry about posting twice - bloody phone

user1489521504 Tue 14-Mar-17 20:49:34

Yes , he was convicted in court the third time it happened . I also have social services reports saying they'd been involved because of it . It just worries me that I mightn't be able to use DV as a reason because it was over two years ago

ThePiglet59 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:21:05

Get him out.
He doesn't deserve your concern.
If he didn't want to be homeless he should perhaps have kept his hands to himself.

Klaphat Fri 17-Mar-17 18:32:07

I swear I've seen people say on here that you can claim benefits as an individual if you are separated but living in the same house...

Roomster101 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:38:17

Can't you leave him? If you have three children, I presume that you would get help with accommodation although I appreciate that it will depend on the area you live in.

QforCucumber Fri 17-Mar-17 18:41:13

If you can prove your separated even when living together you can claim single parent benefits.
But you need to abide by a lot of rules. Are you sharing a bedroom? A wardrobe? Cooking him dinner? Basically acting like a couple in anyway?

AshesandDust Fri 17-Mar-17 18:42:33

The grounds for divorce you rely on will need to
have occurred in the previous 6months or less.
The living together but leading separate lives has
quite strict criteria - it will be much less complicated
when he moves out.

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