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My ex thinks he shouldn't have to pay child maintenance because his Mum buys our Son things

(17 Posts)
user1489509816 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:56:53

My ex has always been really stingy with money. Always going from job to job and one of the main reasons I left the relationship was I felt I was carrying him through life and basically looking after him. It felt like there were two children to look after!

His Mum is lovely. She buys clothes for my Son and presents at Christmas and his Birthday. This amounts to about £20 a month in total I would say. She chooses to do it and I've never asked her.

My ex is on minimum wage and is very very angry that I've gone to CSA to force him to pay -a pitiful- £35 a week. He smokes regularly and runs a car so can afford to pay. He just doesn't want to. He does give money if I ask for it but no more than £20 a week and considers it a favour. That's why I felt I needed to apply for child maintenance. I wasn't struggling to pay my bills while he was off with his mates drinking.

His parents help him a lot too.

He truly believes he should not have to pay as I get benefits for our Son and income support. He says he doesn't have £35 a week and it's unfair to expect him to as his Mum buys things for our Son. So that can count as maintenance.

He has argued with CSA for weeks now calling them up all the time trying to say he has our Son three nights a week, he bought me a £200 washing machine -not true-, he asked them to close the case as I had agreed to a family based arrangement. Thankfully they have seen past all his lies and desperate attempts to pay the £35.

I feel extremely sad about this as I genuinely thought he was a nice guy but his true colours have come out now and I'm sad our Son has such an idiot for a Dad.

The way I see it is, it's only £35 a week. AIBU to wish he would just pay it? That he would stop lying to CSA, stop giving it to me at £5 a week and me having to chase him for it? I know his Mum pays for things but that's her choice. AIBU to think that doesn't mean he shouldn't have to pay maintenance and the fact he's on minimum wage is irrelevant?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:58:49

Gm is treating your child not responsible for supporting him. .
Your ex is an arse and he needs to pay up!!

user1489509816 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:59:43


highinthesky Tue 14-Mar-17 17:00:17

Your ex is a tightfisted asshole so leave him to the mercy of the CSA.

user1489509816 Tue 14-Mar-17 17:02:19

CSA were not having any of it.

No doubt he will try something else to not have to pay. It won't work I hope.

WatchingFromTheWings Tue 14-Mar-17 17:02:59

Your sons grandmother buying him stuff and maintenance from his father are 2 separate issues. Just ignore him and let CSA carry on. He's an arse!

WonderMike Tue 14-Mar-17 17:27:10

Unless the sorts of treats your ex's mum has bought included a house and oil refinery, nope.

boolifooli Tue 14-Mar-17 17:33:58

Gosh that's completely unreasonable. Where does he think the money from benefits comes from!? Why on earth does he think he shouldn't be liable for his child. What does he think other people on minimum waged jobs do with their wages. Op I'm glad you're not with him

LightDrizzle Tue 14-Mar-17 17:37:58

Ha! Ha! Fucking Ha!
He's a right "character" isn't he?

booloobalooloo Tue 14-Mar-17 17:40:26

Tell him to feel free to tell his mum not to buy stuff then. I'm sure she'll tell him where to go too. If he even bothered!

Zaphodsotherhead Tue 14-Mar-17 17:42:33

Please don't pin all your faith in the CSA. My XH didn't pay for his five kids for nearly seven years, despite CSA constantly telling me that they were going to do this and that to 'make' him pay.

He's still supposed to be paying me the £30,000 debt that he owes me, despite all our kids being adult now. He isn't.

SookiesSocks Tue 14-Mar-17 17:43:54


Hes an arse.

PollyBanana Tue 14-Mar-17 17:51:50

£35 a week?
4 packets of cigarettes.

He should feel ashamed of himself

tatty1010 Tue 14-Mar-17 17:53:25

Sounds like he needs to grow up.
What contact arrangement do you have in place for him to see his son and does he stick to it?
Maybe having a word with his mum about this could help?

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Mar-17 17:57:59

He sounds like a class act. You really cannot reason with batshit. His thought process seems warped

MrsTwix Tue 14-Mar-17 19:01:05

That's not how it works. It's nice his mum buys stuff, but it's not maintenance.

Lf803 Tue 14-Mar-17 19:04:51

He sounds like a massive prat!!!

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