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To be exhausted!

(22 Posts)
2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 16:54:31

Dp always seems upset with me due to being tired in the evenings, I'm not active enough for him, he doesn't want to chill out, he wants to play pool or talk deeply for hours! I just need to check that I'm not abnormal and that nothing is wrong with me and that I am tired but normally tired, not excessively!

My day starts at 5:45, I wake, wake 5yo ds, shower, pack us both a bag for work and leave at 6:50

I'm a nanny, I work 10 hour days 7:30-5:30, many days without a break due to duties, home education and how long my charge naps!

When I go home I clean up the flat with dp help most of the time, cook, hang, fold and put away washing and put ds to bed. By this point (8pm) I'm pretty dam tired!

And I show it! I can't help it. By dp has taken to the term of "bore-off" for me because I don't want to stand further and play pool, or drink or anything!

Surely I'm normal right?

Helbelle75 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:57:44

I'm exhausted just reading that! You're perfectly normal, i'd say and your dp is an idiot.
What does his day look like?

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 16:58:57

Helbelle he works spray painting interior of buildings, he has a morning break in the cafe where he gets omeltte and chips and sits with the paper, same at lunch time, then he leaves work at 4pm! He starts at 8am! He'll go home and clean a bit but sometimes he resents me for this

MycatsaPirate Tue 14-Mar-17 16:59:56

I'd be interested to see what his day consists of.

Being a Nanny must be exhausting plus your day is very long!

I don't blame you for being tired.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:01:55

Mycats see we had an argument last night, where he was pointing at his steel toe cap boots saying "that's work - that's real work, you see that" and then fake kicking the wall! He doesn't appreciate what I do, I'm busy all day long, with trips and such, it may look rosy to him but I'm so tired!

hellsbellsmelons Tue 14-Mar-17 17:02:06

You are totally normal.
I don't do anything like that and I like my time in my lovely front room watching crappy TV.
Nothing wrong with that.
After your kind of day I'm not sure I'd even be able to sit and watch TV.
I'd probably be in bed by 8pm.

MycatsaPirate Tue 14-Mar-17 17:02:07

So his working day is 8 hours with two very decent breaks.

Yours is 10 hours with the demands of small dc and barely a break.

He gets longer in bed in the morning and you deal with your own dc in the morning before going to work.

yanbu. He needs to have it pointed out to him that you are working 10 - 15 hours a week more than him, you are getting less sleep than him and you are doing more at home than him.

drinkyourmilk Tue 14-Mar-17 17:02:38

I was a nanny for many many years. Stopped 2 years ago. It's an exhausting job as you have no breaks and you are constantly trying to ensure that your charges and the house are run according to your employers wishes.
YANBU! At all.

gamerchick Tue 14-Mar-17 17:03:59

I felt tired at talk deeply for hours. Worra knob.

Does he ever take the bairn for the entire day as well as doing the things you do in the house to give you a rest? You might be in the mood for pool then.

MycatsaPirate Tue 14-Mar-17 17:04:04

Hahahahahaha! Real work!

I hope you told him to fuck off!

There is nothing more draining than dealing with small dc all day every day. The emotional demands are immense, never mind the physical stuff.

And spray painting is hardly hard labour is it?

Do you have any friends with toddlers? I'd invite them all over one day and then say you need to both pop out and he can be in charge of all the kids for a few hours. See how easy that is.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:04:43

Nice to see I'm not unreasonable! When pointing these things out to him he gets very defensive! Obviously doesn't understand the pressure of my job, he just doesn't understand or doesn't care

highinthesky Tue 14-Mar-17 17:04:56

Well you can stop cooking dinner for him for a start! Omelette and chips twice a day should be enough to keep him going.

If he finishes at 4pm perhaps you should leave a list of chores for him to get a head start on before you get home, including a bit more responsibility for DS.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:06:14

He's never taken Ds for the entire day! Never! And probably never will! He's too important for that! Has too many things he needs to do. I've no been apart from ds, any cries for a break are met with how I'm not maternal and am lazy! Yay!

Helbelle75 Tue 14-Mar-17 17:06:18

I'm a teacher and people genuinely don't realise how exhausting it is working with children. It's awesome, and I love it, but it's mentally and physically draining. To be fair, a 10 hour day is tiring as it is.
Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:08:19

Does need to grow up, but he's 41 this year!!!!!

Bubbles34 Tue 14-Mar-17 17:14:19

I know how you feel! Although I don't work as long hours as you, Men just don't seem to think that they should do housework do they!!

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:15:34

Bubbles - no they don't! In his words "I'm not a bitch" but then surely if he thinks like that, I shouldn't be working? I'm just exhausted and fed up!

GogoGobo Tue 14-Mar-17 17:22:01

He sounds like a thick caveman! I just couldn't be with such a disrespectful twat. You are tired because you have a demanding schedule and a big man-baby chipping away at your emotional energy.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 14-Mar-17 17:26:13

OMG - plan a weekend away and leave him with his DS.
Seriously. Don't put up with this shite!
He needs to step up and help you more.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:30:46

And you're all right! He's chipped away at me a lot lately! And I'm just drained from it! So drained!

GloGirl Tue 14-Mar-17 17:32:07

He actually sounds abusive. Saying you're not maternal and that you're "not a bitch" and calling you lazy for needing a break.
Surely you both have 2 days a week where there is no paid work to be done, how do you divide chores and childcare for the weekend?

If I had my own child and was a home schooling nanny for another 2 children and someone told me I didn't know what real work was I'd be apoplectic let alone if it was my own partner who said it.

2boytrouble Tue 14-Mar-17 17:34:11

Glogirl on the weekends I take ds to Tae Kwon do, it's an hour each way, and an hour for class, then I come back at 2pm, cook dinner and clean and try and play with ds, Sunday is spent preparing for Monday, while he is making music as he has some releases coming out

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