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Marriage proposal - tired of waiting.

(161 Posts)
Stephy90 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:36:19

Been with my OH for 2.5 years now and for the last year or so he's been frequently dropping hints about proposing. He's asked my ring size, asked me to show him the sort of ring I'd like, told me I have a 'big surprise' coming multiple times, he's asked what my dream proposal would be and so on. None of this would have entered my mind at such an early stage had he not have brought it up and I've now been waiting for it to happen for quite some time.

We are in the process of looking for a property to buy together and I again brought up the topic of marriage just before we started house hunting as we have agreed we would like to try for a baby in the next 3 years and Ive told him I would like to be married before we start TTC.

Earlier today he again suggested we look at rings together (for the 50th time - indicating that he still hasn't purchased a ring or progressed any further since he first mentioned proposing ages ago) online tonight yet by the time he got home there was no mention of it and this feels like yet another empty promise to keep me hopeful without actually delivering anything hmm

AIBU to feel like I'm being strung along slightly here and would it be unreasonable for me to have a frank discussion with him and agree a timescale for the proposal? I dont want him to feel pressured into anything or take the magic out of it, but we have both agreed that we want to marry and he's had so many opportunities to propose and so far just empty promises sad

UterusUterusGhali Mon 13-Mar-17 21:38:46

Ask him?

fruityb Mon 13-Mar-17 21:39:40

Ask him!

Snowflake65 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:40:53

"we have both agreed that we want to marry" - so you don't need a proposal surely?

arbrighton Mon 13-Mar-17 21:41:26

I waited 9 years for now DH to be ready...

ComputerUserNumptyTwit Mon 13-Mar-17 21:41:43

I think you're (him, you or both) putting way too much emphasis on the proposal. You've discussed marriage and both want it, yes? So get engaged. Plan a wedding. Get married.

wobblywonderwoman Mon 13-Mar-17 21:41:43

Has he got money for a ring? To be honest it would irritate me that he brought it up, keeps going on about it and still hasn't done anything.

I didn't want to live together or have DC before marriage and luckily dh just proposed (we knew each other years before officially dating)

I wouldn't pursue buying a house

imisschocolate Mon 13-Mar-17 21:42:35

Why don't you propose?

Bluntness100 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:43:23

Why don't you just propose to him? Why would you possibly wish to have a discussion and set a "time line for the proposal" . If you wish to get married, ask him, he's either going to say yes or no and you'll have the answer.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:43:56

He is getting you excited about getting married then... nothing. Whats he like generally?

OldLibrary Mon 13-Mar-17 21:44:05

Don't marry him.

It's not worth it: he's made his position tacitly clear,

autumncountryrose Mon 13-Mar-17 21:44:39

Took my DP 8 years grin

Wellitwouldbenice Mon 13-Mar-17 21:44:44

It sounds as though he is stringing you along. Time to have a conversation and decide whether you are staying with him. Do not waste time with someone who doesn't share the same direction as you. How old are you? Don't waste your fertile years.

Stephy90 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:45:15

wobbly that's exactly my point. He technically does have the money though it'd have to come out of his half of the mortgage deposit (thought he has more than his half saved already). I've made it clear that it's very important to me and for me, a proposal is very important. Agreeing we will get married at some point in time does not feel enough to me. Buying a house is a big commitment and to me it seems most appropriate that a proposal comes first.

RortyCrankle Mon 13-Mar-17 21:46:41

Don't marry a ditherer, he will drive you mad. To be honest doesn't sound like he is fully committed to getting married.

Stephy90 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:46:47

I'm 36 and he is 33

DownTownAbbey Mon 13-Mar-17 21:46:53

He needs to shit or get off the pot. Surely any 'grand' proposal now will be a bit of an anti climax?

Stephy90 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:47:18

Gosh sorry that should say im 26

BertrandRussell Mon 13-Mar-17 21:47:31

You need to have a proper conversation about this. If you're buying a house and planning babies you both need to know where you stand. Have the conversation now.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:48:47

A proposal is meaningless op. It is marriage that protects you. Discuss it properly with him.

BertrandRussell Mon 13-Mar-17 21:49:26

And you're both grown ups. Deal with it like grown ups. What's this " proposal" rubbish?

WarwickDavisAsPlates Mon 13-Mar-17 21:50:13

Why don't you just ask him when he wants to get married, or tell him you're looking to book a wedding venue for 18 months time (or whatever) and then do it.

Why do you need to wait around for a proposal? Just be adults and sort this out if it's what you both want.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit Mon 13-Mar-17 21:50:14

This is what happened with us (bear in mind we're not married yet, but we do at least have a date).

He went on about getting married (to me). I wanted to get married (to him!). We decided to get engaged. Chose the anniversary of when we first met as the date to so. Worked out we had £x between us for a ring, decided to split the cost so we could have one each.

Compared to my ex, who made an embarrassingly big show of proposing but never got around to marrying me (thank fuck, with hindsight), I know which I prefer.

Stephy90 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:50:23

Our conversations result in him agreeing that yes we will get married and he will propose. I think my issue here is WHEN exactly! I'm sure some poor people get strung along for years....

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:51:25

Why dont your conversations consist of lets set a date for the wedding?

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