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To think this is beyond creepy

(77 Posts)
samanthajayne17 Mon 13-Mar-17 20:56:52

So the other week I was in Asda ( about a 20-30 minute walk from my house depending on your pace) and I was waiting at a till and this man said to me 'hi, I see you at lot on xxxxxx lane I live just off there and I see you with your mixed race kids'
I saw oh ok (not knowing what to say) and he said his name is 'will'
So I was as polite as I could be and left after doing what I needed. Thought nothing of it. Anyway today I decided to go to Asda for a few bits with my baby son in his pram. I stopped to try play a song on my iPod as it wasn't working and I hear these keys rattle close behind me, so I turned my head this guy says 'hi we met in Asda the other week, I'm will.' And then just starts walking with me and chatting I didn't want to be rude so just listened and walked on. He was saying he sees me a lot with my husband and my kids and he saw us last time in Tesco. Now bear in mind we do go to a Tesco when my husband is off work in the car but this Tesco is a drive away, you cant just walk there, it's either a bus ride or car drive. Then he was like ' oh and I saw you in a park with your kids and your husband and i was having an argument with my mate because he says you cAnt possible have 'all them kids together' ( we have 5) but I was saying yes they are all your kids'
So there's me wondering and I ask him 'oh how do you see us so much then and notice us as me and my husband have never seen your before' he was like 'oh I see a lot of things and I have lived around here for 14 years'

I find this so weird. I feel like him and his mates stalk me and my husband. He does sound polite and friendly but isn't this just creepy?

RockyBird Mon 13-Mar-17 21:00:07

He maybe needs a black man for his gang.

(Google the Rubber Bandits song)

If not, yes he's creepy.

VanillaSugar Mon 13-Mar-17 21:00:28

He sounds bloody nosey and judgemental. There is no reason why he should be making comments about your family so just give him an icy stare and ignore him.

MsMarvel Mon 13-Mar-17 21:02:47

Not wanting to diagnose over the internet but I know a man very like this who has sever aspergers. He will always talk to you, will tell you the date/time he last saw you , even if it was years ago and what you were doing at the time.

Poshsausage Mon 13-Mar-17 21:02:49

Could he have sen?

Bettyspants Mon 13-Mar-17 21:07:53

I would find it creepy. But he could also just be completely socially inept! As msmarvel said he may well have a form of autistic behaviour. I'd be on my guard though

samanthajayne17 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:09:28

I'm not sure if he has Sen or asbererges. He was telling me he's off to work and getting his bus. He said he works at the university and I said he studieD at uni for 9 years doing his masters and PhD. I asked him aha he works in the university as and he said be 'does research' lol very strange

Laiste Mon 13-Mar-17 21:10:38

It sounds to me as if he may have an issue which makes his social interaction a little awkward. He's open about the fact he knows you have a DH, he's told you where he lives. He's listing the times he's seen you. He recognises you, knows you live nearby and wants to chat on the way to the shops.

Tricky if you want to avoid him, as you walk near his house, but personally i don't think he sounds ''creepy''.

SpreadYourHappiness Mon 13-Mar-17 21:14:42

I had a problem with a man like this (though he took it further and kept touching me), and I just said "I do not want to talk to you. Please leave me alone." Repeatedly until he stopped seeking me out.

SpreadYourHappiness Mon 13-Mar-17 21:15:16

Oh and yes, YANBU. It is creepy and inappropriate.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Mon 13-Mar-17 21:17:27

Hmm. I wouldn't buy into the PhD bit. Could be a load of bollocks to convince you he's 'smart'. I don't know how assertive you are but if he approaches you in a public place again, I'd just say 'LEAVE ME ALONE' very loudly.

Scottishchick39 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:23:37

I often find myself noticing someone, perhaps bright hair, piercings or something distinctive and then without actively seeking them out I see them in various places. I wouldn't go up to them and tell them I've seen them at x, y and z though. Perhaps he's just noticed you've a lot of kids which has made you stick in his mind and then has seen you in various places since.

user123346 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:25:42

I wouldn't let your guard down and keep your distance from him. I would avoid interactions with him incase it encourages him. He could be just a harmless nutjob or he could be a fixated psycho. I wouldn't risk your safety on a guess. I'd also let your husband know about him.

Vegansnake Mon 13-Mar-17 21:28:59

Maybe he's lonely and in a way envious of your life and family ,especially if he's struggling to make friends or find a partner.

emmaluvseeyore Mon 13-Mar-17 21:31:50

Quite a lot of highly intelligent academics have SEN/Aspergers with very poor social skills. I'm 90% sure my PhD supervisor had Aspergers - his social skills were atrocious and would have no idea that some of the stuff he was saying was really upsetting!

GinAndTunic Mon 13-Mar-17 21:35:48

Can we please stop with the poor social skills = autism. There are plenty of neurotypicals with poor social skills.

And it's disability hate speech. Stop it.

AYankinSpanx Mon 13-Mar-17 21:37:24

This man is making you feel uncomfortable. There's no need to qualify his behaviour or grasp for reasons relating Aspergers/social difficulties/loneliness he may have. Be polite and firm next time (if it happens), and just say, 'hi' as in passing, and not physically stopping to talk.

Glossolalia Mon 13-Mar-17 21:38:43

I feel a bit sorry for him, he sounds lonely. sad

MrsTwix Mon 13-Mar-17 21:39:44

How is it disability hate speech when it's part of the diagnostic criteria?!

I'm Aspergers myself btw.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Mon 13-Mar-17 21:41:05

Look, my DS has autism and I'm all for raising awareness about difficulties with social interaction - but we have no clue if this is the case here, and even if it is, no woman should feel this uncomfortable in the presence of a man. What she's asking is tips for dealing with the situation. Posters harking on about SEN stereotypes are doing nothing for the OP and nothing for educating the public about autism/aspergers. Some men are just creepy twats who think it's OK to prey on strange women.

Areyoufree Mon 13-Mar-17 21:44:11

I don't see it as disability hate speech either - more like being aware that not everyone interacts in the same way.

BoopTheSnoot Mon 13-Mar-17 21:48:00

Why do we have to diagnose everyone? I agree, the amount he seems to know about where you go and when strikes as a bit unusual, but it doesn't necessarily mean he has SEN.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable, or threatened, ask him to back off. Maybe speak to your husband about it, and keep an eye out for him.

cementedminds Mon 13-Mar-17 21:52:03

There are research posts at every university, why is that 'lol very strange'?

He does sound odd and socially awkward and probably lonely - just don't engage with him. We all notice things, especially in a small community, - not necessarily stalking but obviously it isn't normal to just blurt them out to a stranger!

BonnyScotland Mon 13-Mar-17 21:56:13

is he maybe a people watcher.....

Aeroflotgirl Mon 13-Mar-17 22:01:55

He sounds quite stalker and creepy. Seems like he's stalking you. I would try to limit my interaction with him. Can note down incidences, times and dates, and go to,the Police. Love the armchair dx.

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