To base a half a million house purchase on what my 7 year old wants?(161 Posts)
We live in a new build property which is lovely, loads of other kids around, lots of green space. However all very 'on top of each other' and can feel a bit like being back at school with petty neighbour disputes that belong in the playground. I crave solitude as a result of said disputes but equally am very outgoing and sociable and on the whole enjoy the community feel.
I'm also keen on moving up the property ladder should the right house arrive. And it has, beautiful big old cottage with lots of land. No neighbours, beautiful house.
My child is distraught that their friends won't be around, it really is lovely how everyone plays out together. I'm seriously considering pulling out of the purchase as I think my child may have a point about being isolated.
Has anyone been in a similar position or live without neighbours? Or am I being ridiculous letting a young child decide our future?
We live in an isolated place however DS1 is only 3 so he won't know any different. I make sure I invite people over for play dates though and both boys really love the outdoor space. Personally I do miss having people around but I know if we moved I'd really miss the garden space we have now. It's a tricky one but I'd be inclined to go with what you want to do.
Thanks Caffeine. I'm not sure if I'm being swayed by recent unpleasantness with some neighbours (they've gone now) but the potential house is lovely and definitely a forever home.
However the thought of a hefty mortgage into my 60s is terrifying and actually we have a very comfortable life right now.
Hmmmm....I was all for this until today!
It would be a big thing for him to lose and living somewhere you can't call for friends is even worse as you get older. I based my house move on having somewhere the children can play quite freely and don't regret it at all the children's well being comes first but sometimes you have no choice but to live in a certain place due to work or money etc then of course that takes president over the child's friends but if you are moving because of something you want ie no neighbours, land I think what's best for the child is more important, being able to play out with friends is a really big thing to take away IMO
Will you be able to invite his friends over often?
You will be in control of who comes and when and they will love coming to play with all that land.
I chose not to move to a rural location because of my children. I decided that I didn't want to spend my time driving them everywhere.
Sorry I also assumed you meant your son. No idea why. I have two girls!
My parents moved out of London when we were growing to a rural location. It was awful. We were city kids through and through and missed the buzz of the city etc.
But more than anything we missed our friends. We were totally reliant on the parents for lifts anywhere (no bus stop for 3 miles) and god that got tedious fast.
I think local infrastructure and friends is hugely important to children growing up. Currently raising DC in a city and no regrets!
Friends could definitely come over but at the moment we face onto a woodland that is completley safe and kids all go out and climb trees/build dens/play sports etc. It's a really lovely part of living here and a beautiful childhood (except when they all fall out lol). I grew up in the 70s where we all 'played out' and I cherish that and am still in touch with those friends today.
I'm annoyed at myself at my desire to move up the property ladder when actually I've got everything I could need already.
We are looking to move I to possibly a smaller house but all the kids play out where the new house is. Lovely watching them all play football and in/out of each other houses. Going to be a culture shock as we are quite isolated at the moment
I live in a rural area. I moved here before my ds (12) and dd (9) were born.
I so wish I stayed in my new build. Firstly older period houses need so much maintenance which take up precious family time as well as money. My children have been effected by not having friends around them. In fact ds struggles greatly with making friends. His sister is probably his best friend. I feel guilty as I remember fondly calling for friends and playing both in the street and their homes. I'd stick to your manageable easy life.
Having had an only child for years I would have killed for a location where my child had lots of other kids to play with. It makes your life so much easier if they are not bored and lonely. Might be worth listening to your daughter if it's nothing too drastic making you want to move.
Does she like animals? Bribe her with some chickens. And be prepared to fund her driving lessons when she's a teenager. It can be very isolating so you'll need to be a taxi until then.
Wow, I was expecting responses saying I was being ridiculous to think of a 7 year old playing out. Wasn't expecting this response, it's really making me think.
Currently we have a decent amount of disposable income, lots of holidays/days out/socialising and this would obviously reduce but I've always thought the ultimate adult achievement was the big country house. Perhaps not.
I really don't think you should do it. From your posts there seem to be more cons than pros to the move. It'd be very hard on your DS indeed.
Could you wait for a detached place to come up within the development?
Difficult to say, but I live on an estate where the children play out and it's been great for us, for one of mine in particular, she has loved playing with nearby friends and also all ages/boys/girls together which is rarer I think once you are all in nice detached houses. I think that is of a time though, and once they are 13 or whatever, they make their own friends and won't be roaming in the woods. I don't think you need to give up the dream forever, even if you do decide to put it on hold for a bit.
We are in a detached notMarlene and it's a lovely house but not much space between all the adjacent houses iyswim
It depends on how isolated the house is and how ready you are to be the taxi driver.
Being 'isolated' as in no neibourgh but close enough that in a few years time he will be able to meet with friends up using his bike is totally different than so isolated that you need a car to see anyone iyswim.
Also please be careful with all the tales about moving from London to the countryside etc... that's not what you are doing. You are still around the same area, your DC will go to the same school etc... it's not comparable.
I'm not sure what kind of bearing this could/should have on your decision, but ime they don't necessarily play out for long. I'd be thinking slightly longer term - will they be able to get themselves to and from school in Y7 for example. And what about you? Will you be able to get a bus or reasonably priced cab back from town if you fancy a night out?
We moved to where my parents wanted to live. Never worried about it, was fine.
The kids will be gone to College at 18 and will not care.
Do it for YOU. Children are very adaptable.
I don't think you are basing it solely on what your 7 year old wants.. I think if you think about it that way you may make the wrong decision. You need to write down pros/cons of the decision for your family.
I personally wouldn't do it. Lots of driving around for you. Loads more entertaining (rather than playing in the street). More maintenance. Lots of gardening. Less socialable etc.
I would also remember that if you have playground issues with your neigbourgs, it is likely that yu is r ds will experience similar issues with 'his friends' at some point too.
So all the falling out from nothing at all, the children 5 houses done the road that are always having a go at him etc....
Atm you a unlikely to have that as I imagine your ds isn't going very far. What when he will be 9 or 10yo?
We live in a new build & i am having exactly the same urges as you, op. A new build is low maintenance & we can walk to school, to a little supermarket, library, friends houses...it's a dilema.
I would probably love the quiet ... my children wouldn't. The ability to go out and do their own thing with their friends easily is a BIG thing. I would definitely factor child(ren) into where you are thinking of moving.
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