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AIBU?

Family sharing photos of baby

30 replies

redheadlady · 13/03/2017 07:50

My dd is 18mo. Previously I've taken issue when one of my sisters shared an unfortunate pic of my dd with her friend who found it so hilarious she then printed it off and it ended up being put on my mum and dads fridge. The pic was a laughing at her not with her pic and I was upset about the thought of people beyond my circle seeing and laughing at them but actually having been sent a copy to do with as they please. Additionally when I send pics to my nearest family members I just don't expect them to forward them on. My Facebook /instagram are on private and though I share selected images on there I have control of who sees them.
This was last year but today my other sister has told me she's made contact with our cousins (who we last saw when they were toddlers!) and she said 'x & y love dd' she doesn't even know 100% that these genuinely are our cousins and even if they are we don't know them, or the people they know etc.... Aibu to be really upset about this? I hate the thought of images of my dd being passed on without my knowledge to people I know nothing about. (obvs I can't appreciate showing someone things on your phone when your with them etc - but to physically send them on??)

OP posts:

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Doyouwantabrew · 13/03/2017 07:55

How can an 18 month old have an unfortunate picture? If it's a naked image then yes you clearly don't share those but I am struggling to see the problem here. If you put pictures on the internet you have already shared them and can't really control what happens next.

Regards the fridge picture take it down if you don't like it.

In a few years your dd will be sharing gazillions of photos of herself that's life.

Littlelegs19 · 13/03/2017 07:57

I don't think Your BU at all. My family are all under strict instructions that any photos I send or they take are for their eyes only. I would be very upset if any photos were sent on especially in the circumstances that yours were. I would be having words with her for sure!

Mumzypopz · 13/03/2017 08:05

Do you are upset your parents put a picture of your daughter up on their fridge? They won't be laughing at it surely, not in a nasty type way, it will be in an affectionate way? If you don't like it, take it down next time you go. I don't understand why people get upset with family members having photos?

Imamouseduh · 13/03/2017 08:06

I think this is really weird. If you don't want the photos shared, don't give them to anyone. But I can't see what harm you think it is doing? My parents and grandparents houses are full of framed pictures of us all at all ages, I don't get the heebie jeebies thinking that every person who goes into their homes sees them. You know when you go out in public your PFB is seen in the flesh by all kinds of strangers!

BillSykesDog · 13/03/2017 08:08

I think you're being very precious. What harm exactly do you think it's going to do?

SuperBeagle · 13/03/2017 08:09

It's never too early to learn that your child is not a possession, OP.

You don't own her, and you can't dictate what other people do with photos of her. If you don't want them having or passing the photos on, don't put them up publicly. You lose any ground you had when you admit to sharing them online.

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 08:12

How can you laugh 'at' or 'with' an 18 month old? You can laugh at the photo but babies aren't objects of derision no matter what funny stuff they do.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 13/03/2017 08:13

Print them off and give them copies instead. Or have a book done. Harder for them to pass on and not on the internet.

Is there any particular reason why you don't want people to see your DD? You do realise anyone can take a picture in a public place (like the park) that she could be in?

Doyouwantabrew · 13/03/2017 08:16

So a family is under strict instructions to not share photos.

Do you veil your children in public.

AyeAmarok · 13/03/2017 08:24

I think when you post photos of your DC on social media, you lose the option of restricting who can see or share photos of them. That's the risk you take.

NotStoppedAllDay · 13/03/2017 08:28

Overly precious and ridiculous!!

As a pp said.... we don't own our kids!

watchoutformybutt · 13/03/2017 08:31

You're not really "in control" of anything you put online. If you don't want it shared, don't post it. It's that simple.

redheadlady · 13/03/2017 08:32

photo is obviously not a nude and no, I have no problem with my family printing off a pic of her themselves and putting it on their own fridge /wall/desk etc. The pic was of her falling and her face of terror so not a fridge worthy moment no, and not nice to think it was shared to someone else who then found it so hilarious she printed it off and a copy for my family.

Haha yes I veil her in public, in fact we never go out we live in a cave..... If this is what you get from the post your missing the point. She's not my possession but she is my baby and much like my other parenting decisions I do what I think is best for her and hope that others, particularly my absolute nearest and dearest would, if not agree, then at least respect. No matter how bonkers they were perceived to be.

I don't think I 'lose ground' for admitting I put pics of my own daughter on my own social media where I control the viewers. In that extreme then I agree I would 'lose ground' also for leaving the house with her (without her veil obvs) or having given birth to her in a hospital, in front of a midwife I didn't know... Or gasp take her to nursery whilst I go to work to earn money for us etc.

I'm not sure I used the phrase strict instructions and I did say I don't mind them showing people with them stuff from on their phone it's physically sharing a hard copy of an image to someone I don't know that bothers me.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 08:34

The pic was of her falling and her face of terror

Falling from what? Anyway, the sharing of a photo wouldn't bother me but taking and printing photos of her in an actual state of fear might well do.

SuperBeagle · 13/03/2017 08:35

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No, I'm not

MinnowAndTheBear · 13/03/2017 08:39

The only answer here is to stop sharing photos.
And you can't trust everyone on your Facebook. Much like your family, they may think it's fine to save/forward these photos.

DJBaggySmalls · 13/03/2017 08:40

I dont think you are being weird, you are entitled to your feelings, and I dont think photos of scared or hurt kids are funny either.
If your settings are private then its off for people to pass photos on. They've shown they wont respect your wishes, so I think that tells you where you stand with them.
I think you need to block them or stop posting photos you dont want shared.

LTBiscuits · 13/03/2017 08:44

I don't think you are being weird either. I think future generations are free to overshare their own image if they want to, when they are older. We don't need to do it for them. The pic sounds mean not funny.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 13/03/2017 08:49

Who the hell takes a picture like that? Why wasn't the camera/phone dropped so you could catch her? More than one person there? Surely to god everyone would leap forward.

Odd.

NataliaOsipova · 13/03/2017 08:53

I wouldn't like that either - which is why I don't post pictures of my children on the Internet. I think you have to accept that, if you use Facebook and the like, you lose control of who sees them and what they do with them afterwards.

PosyBoo · 13/03/2017 08:54

My DH and I made the decision not to put any photos of DD (3) on social media before she was born. Lots of people think we're bonkers but that was just something we chose not to do. I don't have any problem at all with family members taking and sharing photos of her though, it's sweet they're so proud of her.

PosyBoo · 13/03/2017 08:56

And by sharing I mean in person,not over social media.

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cauliwobbles · 13/03/2017 08:57

YABU That wouldn't be a nasty laughing at someone in a mocking or malicious way picture.

breakneckspeed · 13/03/2017 09:26

YANB at all U.

"we don't own our kids"

Yes, absolutely. And we don't own their privacy. It is not ours to give away, in my opinion. We hold it in trust.

We restrict who can see photos of the dc until they are old enough to decide for themselves (as teenage DC1 now does). So close friends and family with clear instructions not to share onwards. I don't let people put photos of the DC on social media.

People thought we were weird, but DC1 is very grateful that they don't have a huge digital footprint documenting babyhood and childhood. I would not be at all happy about the situation you describe, OP.

Bantanddec · 13/03/2017 09:31

Who took this 'unfortunate' picture? Your sister?

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