to have got a job by mistake?Need your thoughts!

[Naturebabe]

So, I have been unsatisfied with my current role in a university for a while. Unsupportive boss blocking my opportunities, seeming lack of opportunity for progression and part-time hours (fab for spending time with 18 Month old, but rubbish for money). Also university going through financial struggles, so things due to get tighter. I'm main breadwinner - DP does childcare and supply work (our relationship struggling too).

I was looking at jobs online a month ago when I saw a job advertised at a higher grade, with more opportunities, in an academic dept (current one is in a services dept). I thought I'd apply so I didn't regret it, was offered an interview and was thrilled to be offered the job. But it all happened so quickly - I now feel really stressed! I have to let them know this week - they did say to take my time to decide.

My dilemma is my son is 5 and is heavily settled at school and 20 months ago moved into the house I'd always dreamed of (literally - had images of it in my mind before I saw it. Old stone farmhouse). So I have a massive connection to the house. If I could move the house with me it would be fine! I've lived in this area a long time and have lots of friends - we all have busy lives but meet up a couple of times a month. It's the best place to live. But the job I'm in is no longer working for me.

So what the hell do I do? Also I am considering that if I went to the new place, dp may stay here (to give ourselves breathing space from each other) but no idea how I would manage childcare with an 18 month old, 5 year old and full time job!

[Grilledaubergines]

How far away is new job?

[Naturebabe]

It's a good 2 hrs drive, maybe more....

[Naturebabe]

And I find regular driving quite stressful

[nonewnamesagain]

I think you've made the decision already or you wouldn't have gone to the interview. Could you rent the house and then rent somewhere yourself? Just whilst you decide..

[annandale]

Go back to your current boss and say, I'm in demand, ask for a pay rise and further opportunities to develop? If still no dice, go and talk to anyone you can find in your current institution who you WOULD like to work for.

2 hour commute is a no-no. I think living separately when your relationship is under strain is probably a disaster waiting to happen.

[Moanyoldcow]

Congratulations! If your DP goes with you could you rent out your house and rent in the new town? Then you have your house to maybe come back to later on?

Could you service mortgage AND rent if DP stays? If so surely it's worth a try.

Be brave - often out best sides come out when we're challenged.

Good luck.

[KickAssAngel]

As boring as it sounds, your job is what provides a roof over your head, food, money for childcare, pension etc. It isn't the only thing in your life, but don't underestimate how important a well paid FT job is.

However - factor in moving costs, how secure the new job is, cost of childcare (and assume you're doing it all alone) etc.

Where would DP live if you moved? Would you have to split house equity with him? If he's the main carer would the DC stay with him and you do weekly commute?

How much of this have you discussed with DP?

One year from now, how will you feel if you stay where you are and it's become worst case scenario? How would you feel if you'd moved and it was worst case?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Is it full time, the new job?

Just throwing this out there - would it be possible to maybe stay in a B&B a couple of nights in the week to remove some of the driving? Would the new salary cover that and still leave you with more than you're already making?

If you're in your dream home, lovely location etc., I really wouldn't give all that up for a job that might not work out for you either. I'd keep looking, try to find another job that you wouldn't have to move house for.

And I second going to talk to your boss about the fact you've been offered a new job elsewhere, see if anything comes of it - or go to HR and try to move within your current place of work.

[SouthWindsWesterly]

I have friends who work within academia who commute to work. Some catch the train to a town 90mins away each day and negotiate flexible working from home or compressed hours around the needs of the students. Others pay for a b&b or digs for three nights a week. There are ways around this.

Also, use your new offer as a negotiating tool with your current boss. It is a different aspect from services to an academic school but you never know until you ask.

[Naturebabe]

New job is in Swansea if anyone knows the area?? Can you advise on quality of life / schools etc.

[Naturebabe]

anyone?

Kickassangel you make some excellent points!

[hellsbellsmelons]

I've no idea about Swansea sorry.
But could you rent a place near work, or rent a room and work there in the week and back at the weekends?
Many 'men' do this and it would work for you.
There are lots of people who want to rent a room Monday to Friday.
Would the finances work if you did do that.
More than 2 hours each way as a commute would be a firm no from me.
Have you discussed with your DH?
What sort of issues are you having with your relationship?
Would be away make them worse?
This is not easy at all!

[miniatureegg]

I know someone who moved to (the?.) Mumbles. She could have moved anywhere and loves it.

[BestIsWest]

I live near Swansea. Main town centre is a bit run down but the surrounding area is fantastic. The Gower is stunning. If you can afford to live in Swansea West or Mumbles or Gower you've got it made.

[Naturebabe]

hellsbells - that (a crash pad) is an option I've considered though I think being away from my 18month old and 4 year old so much would break my heart!