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Partner messaging his work colleague he supposedly dislikes

(33 Posts)
Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:28:10

So my Partner of 2 years has told me since the beginning that he doesn't like his female work colleague and that she's overtly sexual in the work place and really irritating.

He said he used to be a bit of a flirt before he met me and used to flirt with her when we were on a break (for three months) because she's 'passably attractive' but there was absolutely no interest on his part. He would flirt with anyone before being in a relationship (this is true).

He now claims that she took him the wrong way and was hitting on him at work so he told her he had a girlfriend so she knew where he stood and wouldn't be interested. This was When we were on a break too.
He made sure to mention me so she knew he was taken.

He has always given me the impression he's a bit creeped out by her and finds her disturbingly sexual and flirty. This does seem true as the few times we were all together at work functions he seemed very unsure/annoyed by her and she did seem to flirt with him (she told him he look nice in his shirt and touched his hair)!

He only mentioned her briefly and now she doesn't work with him anymore (hasn't for 9 months) he never mentions her.

I went onto my phone tonight and realised he has messaged her asking her how she is getting on. She replied saying really good and how is he. He's not replied.

Prior to that he messaged her 4 months ago asking her how she was and again she replied and he didn't. He's done this on my phone. Thinking he'd deleted the messages but they showed up when I backed up my WhatsApp.

I know it's only a text message, but the way he went on about her you would think she was this batshit slut who was desperate to have him and he needed to stay well away.

He's hardly going to initiate conversation twice with her in 10 months if he's genuinely that creeped out with her. She's the only woman he's messaged.

There's something about all this that doesn't sit quite right with me.

I Don't know if I'm being daft but my gut instinct is saying he might like her.

He has no social media accounts so this is the only way he can message her. I don't believe for a second they're having an affair or anything. That seems to be the only conversation between them. But it seems a bit off to me.

At the very least he's looking for some attention from her, which he shouldn't need.

AIBU? Or am I being ridiculous?

Derlei Sun 12-Mar-17 22:41:53

I would question why he felt the need to delete the messages, although the content sounds innocent.

Maybe you should just drop her name into the conversation and casually ask him if he's seen or heard from her since they stopped working together. If he says no then I would be straight up asking why he's lying to you

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:43:47

He does like attention. Something I've always noticed. I knew him before we got together and he was always a right flirt!

But he's very faithful and I honestly don't think he'd ever physically cheat. I do get the feeling he's not in love with me anymore though.

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:44:38

And I get the feeling his messages were to initiate conversation and he 'chickened out'.

But I could be reading too much into it.

ChuckDaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 22:46:18

A man getting creeped out because a woman was flirty and overly sexual? Eh? Gosh he really has got you sucked in. Creeped out? really?

AnyFucker Sun 12-Mar-17 22:48:00

Neither of you like women much, do you ?

WorraLiberty Sun 12-Mar-17 22:48:49

I think it's obvious he fancies her. Like screaming alarm/red light obvious.

He has always given me the impression he's a bit creeped out by her and finds her disturbingly sexual and flirty. This does seem true as the few times we were all together at work functions he seemed very unsure/annoyed by her and she did seem to flirt with him (she told him he look nice in his shirt and touched his hair)!

That's ^^ not him being 'creeped out' or 'unsure/annoyed'. That's him thinking "Oh shit, my girlfriend is here and she wants to continue our usual flirting. What do I do now?"

RedBullBlood Sun 12-Mar-17 22:51:52

A batshit slut. Is this his description or yours?

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:52:13

Actually my friend works on the same floor and says at work he avoids her like the plague.

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:52:35

Mine. He didn't actually use those words but that's the impression he's always given.

AnyFucker Sun 12-Mar-17 22:53:01

When is your slot on Jeremy Kyle ?

RedBullBlood Sun 12-Mar-17 22:53:58

So she's creepy and predatory, he's disturbed by her and avoids her like the plague. Yet texts her. Uh huh.

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 22:54:59

I know! That's what's contradictory.

But he might just want her attention.

I know it's not ideal but he's not invited her to meet up and has not carried on any conversation.
He's only asked her how she is.

tallwivglasses Sun 12-Mar-17 22:57:32

As Derlie says just casually bring up her name and watch him like a hawk. If you can be arsed, is he worth making that effort? And yeah, OP your terminology is a bit iffy.

ambereeree Sun 12-Mar-17 22:58:08

Sounds to me like he avoids her at work because he possibly likes her a bit too much and the feeling is not mutual. Otherwise why would he msg?

Foxysoxy01 Sun 12-Mar-17 22:58:19

Sorry but it really does sound like he fancies her but is either too worried she might not like him back and he doesn't want to look like a fool or he's not sure which on of you he would rather so is keeping her engaged occasionally in case he gets bored.

It does sound quite a lot like neither of you have much respect for women.

WorraLiberty Sun 12-Mar-17 22:59:13

Actually my friend works on the same floor and says at work he avoids her like the plague.

I bet he doesn't, otherwise he wouldn't be texting her.

It's interesting though that your friend felt she needed to pretend he avoids her.

Do you think it's because she just wanted to keep out of it?

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 12-Mar-17 23:01:04

I'm always instantly suspicious when a man has a bee in his bonnet about another female and finds it necessary to explain her character to his Girlfriend. Of course, the females always portrayed as the stalker, nymph, character and the man as the innocent, harmless individual. You'll probably find they have some history or there's something in the pipeline.

BeaderBird Sun 12-Mar-17 23:01:59

I don't believe that he would use your phone to do this. I think you looked at his phone but want to remain innocent rather than getting flamed for checking on him.

Makes no sense at all that he would initiate conversation on your phone. How would he know she wouldn't just message your number back any time and he wouldn't have been there to delete it.


BertrandRussell Sun 12-Mar-17 23:02:32

"Batshit slut"hmm

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 23:03:32

It's my phone.

That makes me thinks it's not suspicious. He knows she could call or text this number and I'd see it.

twattymctwatterson Sun 12-Mar-17 23:04:48

Why do you feel it's ok to call a woman you don't even know a "batshit slut"? Given that your boyfriend, by his own admission would flirt with anyone when single, why is it ok for him to flirt but when she does it it says something about her character?

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 23:06:07

I didn't say she was a batshit slut. I said that is the IMPRESSION he have of her.

Sarahmai Sun 12-Mar-17 23:06:18


SuperTrumper Sun 12-Mar-17 23:07:50

Do you share a phone, or did he just send messages to her from your phone but no messages to anybody else? If so, that in itself is weird. He sounds like he has been very open with you about his interactions with her, e.g. How she tried it on with him, and how he had to tell her that he had a girlfriend. And he then told you all of that to reassure you that he'd put her in her place. Kind of sounds like he may be trying too hard to act like nothing is happening. Maybe something has been happening and he sent those random messages from your phone and deliberately archived them so that he could use them one day to deny any hanky panky ("it's innocent, look at these messages, do they look sordid to you?")

Sorry to go all CSI, but some people are clever at his kind of stuff!!

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