AIBU to be revolted by DH's constant lip picking

[user1473602935]

He does this all day - whether we're driving, watching TV, talking face to face, he continuously picks little bits of skin off his lips and sometimes until they bleed. Then there are more bits to pick it!

He doesn't care that I find it disgusting, and gets defensive if I dare to ask him not to do it!

Makes my skin crawl

AIBU and how can I convince his it's really gross for other people and he should stop!?

[greenworm]

I am also a lip picker/skin picker (terrible with skin around fingernails too) though it goes through phases. It is like a compulsion, I don't want to do it as it looks gross and IS gross, but it is just so hard to stop. Very difficult to explain if you don't feel the urge yourself. My DP has never really said much about it, but my mum would get upset about me doing it so I just became more furtive about it, but still couldn't always resist even when she was around.

YANBU at all though, I fully understand it must be gross to witness. But I think if your husband is aware you hate it but hasn't been motivated to not doing it around you, you're onto a losing battle.

I partly think it might be genetic too, my dad did the same.

I would never let leave bits of skin for others to clear up though, in my defense.

[highinthesky]

Sounds like dermatillomania to me!

[Happyandhungry]

Get him to apply lip balm each time rather than pick. Like a replacement habit. Like having a glass of water instead of a cigarette etc.

[Thebookswereherfriends]

I used to lip pick during winter months as a teenager. I was pretty unhappy and I think now that it was probably a form of self harm because I always used to pick at scabs too. Once I left home and became somewhat happier the habit went away. Maybe your dh is anxious/unhappy and doesn't realise he's doing it most of the time.

[Phalarope]

Has he always done it?
I remember doing it in my pushchair so it's a pretty ingrained (horrid) habit. Have tried many times to stop and failed, but I probably would try harder if DP asked me to. I don't do it in front of people, I don't think.

[SunnyCoco]

I suffer from this compulsion too

My husband can't stand it

I know it must drive you mad but if he's like me he just can't help it. I know it looks awful, and it really hurts sometimes but I can't stop :(

[Sallystyle]

I do it all the time.

I can't seem to stop. I get sore at times and bleed quite often. I pick with my fingers and with my teeth. When I apply lip balm I wipe it off because I haven't got any dry bits to pick.

I enjoy it, even though it hurts at times.

I am definitely worse about it when my anxiety is bad.

[Sallystyle]

BTW it doesn't bother my dh at all.

[abbsisspartacus]

Its an anxiety thing I tear off my skin till it bleeds sometimes

[Fairylea]

I am a skin picker too. For me it's the edges of my fingers and I really cannot stop doing it if I have the urge- usually in the evening when I'm relaxing but also if I'm stressed. I literally do it until it bleeds and have done so since I was a child (I'm now 36). I know it drives my dh mad so I try hard not to do it around him too much but sometimes he will ask me not to and I have to admit it gives me the rage. It's the only way I know how to relax so for someone to tell me not to is the equivalent of someone turning off a film I'm enjoying half way through....!

[INXS]

"sometimes he will ask me not to and I have to admit it gives me the rage. It's the only way I know how to relax so for someone to tell me not to is the equivalent of someone turning off a film I'm enjoying half way through....!"

Yes, I get like a defensive caged tiger when DP tells me off.

"how can I convince his it's really gross for other people"

OP, it's called dermatillomania, and it's not about you.

[Scribblegirl]

I have a thread in MH about this.

I have dermatillomania (also known as excoriation disorder). I know it's horrid. He won't be doing it to piss you off.

I could bleed and bleed and put up with serious pain, it doesn't stop it. I hate to gross out DP and friends and family but it's a mental health problem according to the DSM and the way to stop them isn't by saying 'ew'. I'm working to tackle my underlying anxiety.

If it was the more well established trichtotillomania, would your reaction be the same?

[CaptainHarville]

I never knew it had a name. My DH moans at me to stop and I just can't! It's soothing for me, no idea why. The more anxious I am the more I do it.

[PickAChew]

At least he doesn't sniff all day.

[user1473602935]

Really insightful responses, thank you everyone! I will try to be more understanding. He is quite a stressy person so doing it as an underlying anxiety thing explains a lot

[londonrach]

Wow, thanks op as orthers have now given this a name. My dh also suffers. I just hate it when its bleeding. Been better recently. Is it linked to stress.

[INXS]

Good for you OP.

In terms of practical support, a lip balm could help (to be used only at home in the evenings if he's squeamish about looking like he's wearing lip gloss ) as it's harder to pick at moisturised skin.

The other thing is keeping fingernails scrupulously short.

I think physical barriers to picking, although they seem like workarounds, are the most helpful. As the more you pick, the worse it gets.

[amusedbush]

I do this, as well as picking/biting the skin around my fingernails. I know it's gross and I don't want to do it, but generally I don't even notice until after I've done it. I'll keep doing it even when it's sore!