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To ask if you think I might be depressed?

(17 Posts)
foreverlost Sun 12-Mar-17 17:50:31

I've wondered if I might be depressed before but I've tried to identify a cause and work on it. However it seems whatever I do I can't shake the feelings. They have become normal to me. I presume everyone feels this way.

I feel like a failure in my life. I feel like I don't earn enough, am not successful enough, don't have enough friends, am not slim or attractive enough, haven't travelled enough, am not interesting enough. I'm single and I know it's because I'm not enough for someone to stick around.

I'm 26. I own my own house (although I don't live in it), I have a reasonable job on a solid career path, I earn 27k plus rental income which pays my mortgage and a bit over. I have friends, I go out, tomorrow I'm going travelling for a week. I'm a size 8, I run at least 5 miles nearly every day. I'm probably attractive as have dated a lot of attractive men (but can't think why they wanted to spend time with me).

But I just don't think I'm enough. I'm in tears writing this.

These thoughts consume maybe 85-90% of my day? I find it difficult to accomplish other tasks or to concentrate.

I've had panic attacks in the past but they stopped when I left my ex boyfriend (I felt trapped in the relationship). But the bad feelings are still here.

I constantly feel guilty about not being good enough. Or eating too much. Or not exercising enough. Or spending too much money.

I had a terrible break up last year. I also was in a abusive relationship in my early twenties. I seem to crave male attention and validation and I hate the lengths I go to to get it.

Is this depression? It's become so normal to me that I don't know?

phonebox99 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:52:06

Yes.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 12-Mar-17 17:52:32

It might well be. Visit to the GP to check?

foreverlost Sun 12-Mar-17 17:59:50

Oh and I've been to my GP before who told me to stop talking rubbish and changed my contraception. My parents have told me they would be mortified if I was on medication.

Itsnotmesothere Sun 12-Mar-17 18:00:21

Congratulations on being successful! I am a year older and I rent! I'm not sure really, sounds more like an out of control anxiety disorder. It can lead to depression if left untreated though. I speak from experience. There are online tests where you can check your anxiety levels. It's horrible feeling like this. I hope you get some help.

chocolateworshipper Sun 12-Mar-17 18:07:48

This may help www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

Do try talking to a different GP - they don't all "get" mental health

Itsnotmesothere Sun 12-Mar-17 18:08:54

Additionally, if you were prescribed meds, what business would it be of your parents? Though it's a shame they think like that

DonaldStott Sun 12-Mar-17 18:13:43

My parents have told me they would be mortified if I was on medication.

Do you think this is possibly where your lack of self esteem stems from.

Maybe counselling would help you to discover why you feel like this, but I am guessing you could start with your parents.

ScrapThatThen Sun 12-Mar-17 18:26:34

Depression has many and varied forms, but some quite clear diagnostic criteria, which you could if you want discuss with a more sympathetic Gp. However, it sounds like you are doing great, yet constantly under rating yourself - may be look up 'Overcoming Low Self-esteem', to figure out why this is so for you (it won't be your fault), and what things you might be doing that keep it going - so, for example, if you always have to go for a run, because it might make you feel negatively about yourself if you don't, then you could try to shift this to 'do I want or need to go for a run' - well, maybe if you are behind on training for a marathon, or of it will feel good afterwards, but not if you are tired, or poorly or feel like sitting on the sofa instead. Start living for you, not for other peoples imagined judgements, sort of thing. Take care.

foreverlost Sun 12-Mar-17 18:38:28

I can't run at the moment as I fell over badly last week and have a very swollen knee. But I feel so guilty not going that I dragged myself out this morning anyway and it was terrible.

I do struggle with low self esteem - I didn't think the two thought patterns could be related.

miniatureegg Sun 12-Mar-17 18:47:06

Hormonal contraceptives have consistently made me, a depressed person, far more depressed. Give them a break as a first option would be my suggestion. Once I'm not pregnant I'm going to get a copper coil.

LegsLikeGiblets Sun 12-Mar-17 19:26:40

Please don't feel ashamed if you have to go on antidepressants. The doctor can prescribe a really low dose, maybe 5mg or 10mg just to pick you up for a few months. My husband voiced his opinion to me years ago about his dislike of antidepressants (he's never suffered with depression) i suffered for 3 years and tried everything but went to the doctors in the end and got some. I was on them for 2 years and have been off them for 7. Do what YOU feel is best, you don't have to tell anyone. Good Luck.

MrsTwix Sun 12-Mar-17 19:43:20

Some thoughts.

There is not always a reason for depression.

Your GP was wrong to be so dismissive.

Your medication is none of your parents business.

Low self esteem sounds like it could be an issue.

Having been in an abusive relationship has probably traumatised you.

I think you may find a good therapist helpful and a different GP.

MrsTwix Sun 12-Mar-17 19:48:04

moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

May be helpful.

Meowstro Sun 12-Mar-17 19:59:29

It could be anxiety or depression (and it can be caused by contraception too) but for a real diagnosis a doctor would be best. I'm so sorry your GP was so dismissive, could you see another doctor at your surgery? Would using condoms for a while and coming off other means of contraception be an option to see if it helps?

Therapy is a solution to getting to the root of your problems, you can pay for it privately if doctors are still ignoring your concerns. Don't give up if you find one isn't for you, I only made progress once I had someone I felt comfortable with. Medication should only be seen as temporary, without addressing your problems your issues can never be resolved and you'll depend on your medication.

foreverlost Sun 12-Mar-17 20:03:18

I don't think it's caused by contraception as I have been on the same pill for over ten years. I've had a few breaks from it and have always felt much much worse.

I have always had self esteem issues but not in all areas of my life and it seems to be consuming me now. As I'm single and live alone I spent a lot of time with just my own thoughts and they are out of control.

Christonacracker Sun 12-Mar-17 20:21:33

Hi forever, I had clinical depression from adolescence through to my early thirties. I tried everything, took every anti-depressant, tried every type of therapy, read every self-help book. You know what worked? Hypnotherapy. It CHANGED MY LIFE. It took all the mystery out of depression, taught me to truly relax, and once I was relaxed I was taught how to break the cycle of negative thinking and start focusing on the positive. It was so easy. I was a different person within 6 weeks, and was equipped with the tools to recognise when the depression was creeping back and then drop-kick that bastard out of my life! Try it flowers

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