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To ask after the apology what do you do next?

(16 Posts)
Fairyliz Sun 12-Mar-17 16:57:01

A couple of weeks ago someone I deal with through work shouted at me in front of my colleagues. I was a bit upset at the time as I was actually trying to help them and I feel like that I have often gone beyond my job description on their behalf.
Last week they came in and apologised and explained that they had a lot going on in their life which put them in a bad place. I thanked them for their apology and I think we left it on good terms.
But what happens now? Obviously I will be polite and professional but do I go the extra mile or stick strictly to my job parameters?
Just wondered what the MN jury thought

Chloe84 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:04:12

I wouldn't go the extra mile. Any idea what is going on in their life?

We all go through crap but it's not ok to use someone as a verbal punching bag.

I'd be more sympathetic if there are MH issues involved.

CaoNiMartacus Sun 12-Mar-17 17:04:12

Trip her up in the hallway.

Only joking.

Just go on as normal. Strictly to job parameters. Act with dignity and grace.

gingeristhenewblack43 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:50:12

Personally I would stick to the parameters of my role. You've gone above and beyond already and got a load of shit in return.

She may have lots of stuff going on in her life but you aren't a punch bag for her to take it out on.

I hope you got support from your colleagues at the time flowers

ImperfectAlf Sun 12-Mar-17 17:59:35

I think that if you've really accepted the apology, you'll treat them in the same way as you did before the blow up. It was not reasonable for them to do what they did, though. flowers for you.

hesterton Sun 12-Mar-17 18:26:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoJoSM2 Sun 12-Mar-17 18:52:06

Extra mile for a rude bully? Certainly not.

missymayhemsmum Sun 12-Mar-17 19:54:08

Take a step back and if you are about to help them out, ask whether they would like help first? One woman's helping hand is another woman's patronising interference.

Ameliablue Sun 12-Mar-17 20:04:24

You carry on as if it never happened. She's apologised, so no reason not too. Obviously if she makes a habit of it, that's different but this sounded like a one off.

MrsCrabbyTree Mon 13-Mar-17 00:21:03

Just because you accept an apology doesn't mean you have to forget about the action that precipitated the apology. You will not be unreasonable if you only do what your job requires from hereon.

blubberball Mon 13-Mar-17 04:05:34

I had this happen at work too. The guy swore and shouted at me. I got upset, as I hated any confrontation. It might be a different story now, but I was younger then and a bit more emotional. He apologised, but I think that my supervisor made him apologise. He said that he'd had a lot of shit going on at home, and he'd brought it into work. I'd had a lot of shit going on at home too, which is probably why I cried. We just stick to our jobs and get on with it. I still don't like the guy, and he probably doesn't like me, but I don't care any more.

MMM3 Mon 13-Mar-17 05:18:12

What do you want to do?

There's your answer. It's perfectly reasonable to cut off the extra favors even though she apologized. That wouldn't make you a cold bitch, it would make you just and fair. It's also perfectly reasonable to let it go and forget it. That wouldn't make you a doormat, it would mean you're understanding and charitable.

ChasedByBees Mon 13-Mar-17 07:14:15

I would stick to your job parameters. You don't have to behave the same just because you've accepted the apology - that's an acknowledgment that they behaved badly, or doesn't undo the initial behaviour.

ChasedByBees Mon 13-Mar-17 07:14:43

Or = but

Gizlotsmum Mon 13-Mar-17 07:21:33

Honestly I would stop all the above and beyond help and just do your role. I would however treat her no differently within the boundary of that role

minesapintofwine Mon 13-Mar-17 07:46:58

It's weird (and wrong) that I assumed the person that shouted was a man.

Going against the grain, it may have taken them courage to apologise, so I would appreciate that, though it should never have happened. Put it behind you, and act as you did before.
Absolutely do not go the extra mile.

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