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To think being an introvert and a Mother is like a living torture

(127 Posts)
Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 16:52:45

Not all introverts feel like this I know but I do!

I've a lot of friends and in some ways I'm extroverted. I'm out going in that I enjoy socialising with friends and have always been chatty at work.

But I only like people to an extent and before I had children, while I was chatty all day at work, I would want to come home to an empty, silent house.

I loved living with family but had to spend a lot of the time in my room reading a book or on the internet.

If I had a social event on a Saturday I needed Sunday alone to 'recover'. If I went days without talking to anyone I felt lonely so I do like company.

When I met my partner I had my son but we didn't stay together. I enjoyed the baby stage until my Son was 1 year old,but once he started wanting someone to play with I found things such a chore.

I'm sure I'm not depressed.

My son is now 4 and he never shuts up. I feel like I am going absolutely mad. I have to do pretend play with him. I have play dates which means I have to endure chatting to mums from school grin

He constantly talks to me and wants help with something. Just now I've been summoned to help with pulling stickers off his activity book.

Then there's the tantrums which I have to deal with. He's actually a well heaved child but I just find his constant talking an absolute torture. I can read while he's playing and do go on here a lot but I can't do either properly without having to interrupt what I'm doing every 5 mins to play with him or chat to him.

He climbs on me a lot too.

I understand this is just the way children are and I'm not trying to change him.

When he's gone to bed I'm too tired to do much but do immediately turn all TV off and have a bath and read a book.

I never realised how much silence was an essential part of my life and how much it means to my wellbeing and stress levels.

My son is in school and I work but this makes no difference. I still spend almost all my free time with him (no family support and his dad barely sees him).
I love my Son and when he's older I'm sure we will have a wonderful bond. But right now, all I really want is silence. To go home from work to silence. Wake up to silence. To read a book. To be alone. I just want to be alone! Completely alone in complete silence!

AIBU?

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 16:57:24

* behaved not heaved!

BastardGoDarkly Sun 12-Mar-17 16:57:43

Well, you kind of know you're being unreasonable, he's a normal child, your child, so there's absolutely no point wishing things were different.

The years fly by, and it won't be long before he's out with his friends on his own, then a teenager.

I feel for you though, the incessant chatting drives me mad too.

CaoNiMartacus Sun 12-Mar-17 16:58:24

YANBU. This is why I decided not to have children.

Sittinginthesun Sun 12-Mar-17 17:00:03

No, YANBU, I am similar. I have DH and two children, and am sociable and outgoing outside, but then I need to come home and have some complete silence to recharge.

It does get easier. And I have trained them - they get plenty of interaction with me, but they also spend time doing their own thing.

Highly recommend the Beano, and snuggly corner and a few teddies, and encourage him to have a quiet 10 mins.

Also, 3.30om is my "cup of tea time" and they all give me 10 mins then.

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 17:00:47

I had no idea what having a child would be like.

I'd never ever ever have had one if I'd had any incling what it was like.

I'd looked after other people children for them regularly but the reality is so different.

I will never have another child that's for sure.

I will just have to look forward to when he's older!!! At least a teenager.

Elphame Sun 12-Mar-17 17:02:08

I can so relate to your post! I'm an extroverted introvert too. I can do people but I then need a lot of alone time to recharge.

I hated the small child stage - it got a lot easer once they were at nursery and school and I had a nice long hour drive to and from work!

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 17:02:36

I think once he's older I really will have a good relationship with my Son. I love adolescents and work with young people and LOVE it.

I'm just not a children person. I only realised after I had one though! 😂

badabeedabom Sun 12-Mar-17 17:04:44

YANBU.

I love my two to distraction and would definitely do it all over again if I had to choose.

But fuck me I'm knackered once they're in bed, I usually just read or MN and feel freaking exhausted. My social life has dwindled to almost nothing as I just don't have the energy. Thankfully I have very understanding friends but they don't get the attention from me that they deserve.

I long to go away for a week but I would miss the children far too much, can't win grin

badabeedabom Sun 12-Mar-17 17:06:14

(I eat well and exercise regularly, nothing physically wrong, it's the emotional energy that's lacking!)

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 17:07:29

I just find it mentally exhausting too. I just want my silence back.

It's a hard balance between being alone and being lonely though. If I didn't have my son I'm sure I would be lonely.

I just want him to be a teenager already!

dingdongthewitchisdead1 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:10:27

Yanbu
I feel quite similar flowers

BewtySkoolDropowt Sun 12-Mar-17 17:12:40

There is no such thing as an extroverted introvert.

A social introvert, yes.

Its all to do with energy. If socialising uses up your energy you are an introvert. If it gives you energy, you are an extrovert.

Now that's cleared up, I totally get you op. My ex was an extrovert and was badly to have the kids up to late. I needed them to go to bed at a reasonable time so I could have some down time.

It gets easier . They become teenagers and want to spend most of their time in their room. It'll take a while, but you'll get there!

Frarling Sun 12-Mar-17 17:12:45

YANBU I could have written this

KindergartenKop Sun 12-Mar-17 17:14:45

I feel like this. And I have two!

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 17:14:47

I find socialising energises me. I enjoy it. I just also need alone time.

Iwantpinotgrigio Sun 12-Mar-17 17:15:33

I love being chatty at work.
Love it and people think I'm an absolute chatterbox. But I like living alone.

BlatantRedhead Sun 12-Mar-17 17:16:42

I know what you mean OP.

I tried to explain this to someone once and she told me I shouldn't have had a child and she felt sorry for my son. Massive guilt trip followed this as well. Glad to see its not just me that craves quiet time.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Sun 12-Mar-17 17:19:07

I don't think that enjoying some peace and quiet occasionally is solely a character trait of introverts

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert but I sound quite similar to you in the sense that I enjoy other people's company to a point but also really enjoy my own company

Children can be exhausting whatever your personality type so YABU in thinking the reason the relentless chatter of a toddler annoys you so much is solely because you are an introvert

annandale Sun 12-Mar-17 17:20:59

Will you be able to get a break once school really starts? Happy days for me that was smile

treaclesoda Sun 12-Mar-17 17:21:43

I have two children. One craves time alone and one craves attention. The one who craves attention can reduce me to years of frustration just with the constant 'mum! Mum! Mum!'. I also had no idea it would be so intense because my older child was never like that, even as a toddler.

So OP, I totally understand what you're saying.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:22:06

Oh i miss the silence!!

As soon as DS goes to bed I sit and relax in silence and I love it!! If I'm home on a day that DS is in nursery I spend the entire 10 hours at home in complete silence and it's BLISS!

I love my own company and since the arrival of DS (he's now 3) I miss it so much. Sometimes all I want is to just be left alone.

My DH and DS are going on holiday together in July for two weeks and I can't cope with how excited I am about having two weeks of a silent house!! Heaven!!!!

Funnyonion17 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:22:10

Mines 7 and he can't play a game or do pretty much anything without giving me a running commentary pretty much most of the day. I won't lie i feel my stress levels rise, but i do humour him but at times i have to say play quietly. I don't think your unusual for feeling driven mad by it, it's soul distroying at times especially when the guilt creeps in.

RandomDent Sun 12-Mar-17 17:25:08

I am neither energised nor exhausted by socialising. What does that make me? (A psychopath? grin)

morningconstitutional2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:26:46

This is just one of the many reasons why I decided not to have children BUT I feel fairly certain that it will get better over time.
Imagine when he's a teenager, he probably won't be so chatty then, in fact he'll probably communicate by grunting (with a roll of the eyes).

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