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AIBU?

To wonder why somebody would go through life with no friends?

154 replies

damnedgrubble · 12/03/2017 13:57

I don't mean no friends now, I mean no friends ever? Surely a person must have had at least one friend when they were at school?
I fail to see how this would happen to a person if I'm honest, it's so bizarre.

OP posts:

Report

RentANDBills · 12/03/2017 14:00

I find it really difficult to make friends and keep them, as I just worry that I'm bothering them and they're just humouring me out of politeness/pity.
And social anxiety aside, I like to think I'm a nice normal person.

Some people just enjoy their own company too.

Winniethepooer · 12/03/2017 14:03

Gosh aren't you lucky?!

Possibly changed schools alot, parents travelled, so new school's very frequently, different countries & languages. Think 10/12 schools in 8 different countries.

Married young. Worked for family. Worked from home. Dc with SN. No transport. No local support. Financial constraints...

All of the above!?

Winniethepooer · 12/03/2017 14:04

Sorry YABVU!

gamerchick · 12/03/2017 14:06

Some people don't need friends. I like a middle ground personally. See pals once every few months perhaps. I don't get why some people like to be surrounded all the time but don't dwell on it.

QuinoaKeen · 12/03/2017 14:10

damnedgrubble · 12/03/2017 14:18

Winnie where did I say that I was lucky? I think you'll find that I didn't, I just was surprised (and saddened) that people can be in a situation where they have never experienced friendship.

OP posts:

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 12/03/2017 14:18

Lucky you!

I have no friends, haven't since I moved out of home aged 16. Don't know why, people just don't seem to want to spend time with me. I'm not particularly bothered, I enjoy my own company.

Not everyone's life is like yours, some people choose to not have friends, some struggle to make them, there can be many different reasons for this - but none of them are your concern and I don't know why you care if some people don't have friends.

GuiltyPleasure · 12/03/2017 14:19

Of course it's possible OP. I have lots of acquaintances, work colleagues, people I have shared interests with. But friends? No. I've always been the same. From as far back as I remember I've always been on the periphery of things & full of social anxiety. It can be a bit lonely at times. Generally though I'm happy enough with my DH & DC's, all of whom have no problem making friends!

TheStoic · 12/03/2017 14:20

You're not saddened.

damnedgrubble · 12/03/2017 14:21

TheStoic don't tell me how I feel, you don't know me and you have got absolutely no idea how I feel.

OP posts:

Bundesliga · 12/03/2017 14:24

Can you really not imagine reasons why to the point of calling it bizarre?

You need some enlightenment about the world. It can be a harsh place for some people, OP.

TheStoic · 12/03/2017 14:24

I can make an educated guess, just by your OP.

Winniethepooer · 12/03/2017 14:25

Your lucky that you even need to ask the question Op!

SealSong · 12/03/2017 14:26

YABU to think of it as 'bizarre'. Just because it's outside of your experience and understanding doesn't make it bizarre.
There are plenty of reasons why people don't have friends.
My friend's son has never really had friends. He is 19 and has Aspergers. He's actually quite content without close friends. He has some online acquaintances for a specific hobby and that is enough for him.
Different people might have other reasons for not having friends in their life.
Using language like 'bizarre' just stigmatises it. Try and have a bit of understanding.

FilledSoda · 12/03/2017 14:27

But everyone is different OP.
It's not god or bad , it just is.
Is there someone in particular you are saddened by?

Glossolalia · 12/03/2017 14:28

TheWee & TheStoic

OP, it's much like a lot of things in life, it's seems unbelievable to you based on your life experiences but really does happen. I can think of lots of girls I went to school with who had no friends at the time and I can imagine that some still don't.

Glossolalia · 12/03/2017 14:29

I think calling it 'bizarre' is cruel. That's someone's life experience and it could be and probably is a source of pain for them.

QueenFuri · 12/03/2017 14:30

Like Rent I find it hard to maintain friendships. I feel like I'm bothering people and I find people take advantage of me a lot. I dont have anyone I would class as a friend properly hence why at this moment I'm in a soft play with the DC alone surrounded by friend groups and feeling out of place!

QueenFuri · 12/03/2017 14:30

Like Rent I find it hard to maintain friendships. I feel like I'm bothering people and I find people take advantage of me a lot. I dont have anyone I would class as a friend properly hence why at this moment I'm in a soft play with the DC alone surrounded by friend groups and feeling out of place!

CloudPerson · 12/03/2017 14:30

Do you really have no idea how someone can go through school without friends? Really?

I'm autistic, but had no idea when I was at school. I had no friends, I was bullied and it was hell.
The few people who I could relate to (and who could also probably relate to me) were also going through their own personal hell at the hands of cool, popular children who had zero empathy or understanding that being different wasn't an invitation to treat someone like shit.
As an adult it's difficult to fit into the school mum cliques, and if I'm being honest it's not a set I'd like to be a part of, as many of them seem to have held onto schoolgirl mentality.

I have one person I would definitely call my friend now, and this is something that developed over a few years, and I've no idea how it happened. With most people I can't get past the initial small talk stage, which is tricky enough as smalltalk is dull and pointless.

Owllady · 12/03/2017 14:31

My next door neighbour lives on his own and rarely speaks to anyone or has visitors and he seems perfectly happy! :)
I only have close friends. It suits me tbh

caterpuller · 12/03/2017 14:31

It can be very hard for some people to make friends….my son is on the spectrum, he finds other people his own age (7) hard to relate to. Perhaps he'll never have real friends….but he's doing ok, and maybe he won't ever mind? Some people see the world and relate to it differently, and that's ok.

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damnedgrubble · 12/03/2017 14:31

TheStoic then your assumption is wrong.

OP posts:

Tissunnyupnorth · 12/03/2017 14:36

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time OP. However, I also think your choice of words are unfortunate. To describe people's life experience, be it by choice or circumstance, as 'bizarre' sounds very judgemental and I should imagine cause distress to those people who are friendless through circumstance and not choice.

Bundesliga · 12/03/2017 14:37

Can anyone recommend any books or resources to the OP that might help them understand better?

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