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To think I'm not arrogant at all.

(129 Posts)
Notdavidbrent Sun 12-Mar-17 13:14:15

I think I'm reasonably physically attractive and good at my job. I come across confident and I've worked very hard in my career and feel I'm good at my job. My appraisals show that.

I think sometimes I can be a bit lazy. I can get too upset by things. I can be very hard on myself if I don't do things well. I find it very hard to be a Mum and don't think I was made to be one. I can't accept and learn to love the area I live in. I can see where I could improve.

I don't think I'm arrogant but I do have a very confident manner. I walk upright and show
confident body language but I think this is largely due to the fact I did ballet for many years and learnt poise from that.

Something I've been aware of for several years is, I get the feeling people find me arrogant.

Some examples:

I find people tell me how 'common' other people are a lot. They joke about someone being uneducated or uncultured and seem to think I will sympathise and agree when in reality I'm secretly horrified!

People often say things like 'I know you wouldn't shop in Aldi but it's great. Imagine not having a degree. Have you seen what she is wearing, she always wears the same three dresses'. It's as if they're expecting me to agree with these awful statements.

My work colleagues joke that I don't ever swear and I'm posh.

My boss always asks me before I hand work over by saying 'go on, tell me how good this piece of work is'.

I hear 'she thinks she can have any man and any job she wants'.

And just last week the new assistant said 'I'm going to try and be less common around you'.

I've overheard people say 'she's pretty but she knows it', 'I doubt she'd ever get a job as a cleaner while waiting for our office to be reloacated' among other pretty nasty things.

I come from a very working class background. I lost all three of my siblings by the time I was 17 and have endured hardships most people can't even imagine.

My mum can't read or write and my dad is a cleaner. I got a scholarship to a private school and so have picked up a posh accent and mannerisms but I'm by no means posh. I have never and would never judge someone on their clothes, social class or wealth. And yet, I get the impression people find me over confident and snobby. These are just a few examples.

I've found this is not the case among other managers who always describe me as down to earth and genuine and I've had excellent references and appraisals that have described how warm and genuine I am.

Yet, it's only managers who seem to see the person I am. I get the feeling people find me a bit of a snobby, arrogant cow.

AIBU to say I'm really not and be surprised people find me arrogant?

justwanttoweeinpeace Sun 12-Mar-17 13:19:38

This will not end well - you sure you want to keep this thread up?

Notdavidbrent Sun 12-Mar-17 13:20:56

Yes because I'm able to accept opinions without getting defensive.

I'm also genuinely interested in what people think.

I know within myself I'm not arrogant. I know I don't think I'm any better than anyone else. I'm just not sure why others seem to think I do!

NoelHeadbands Sun 12-Mar-17 13:22:25

It sounds like you present yourself in different ways with different groups of people.

EastMidsMummy Sun 12-Mar-17 13:22:34

How do you respond to those snobby comments from colleagues? That's your choice to show how lacking in arrogance you are.

EastMidsMummy Sun 12-Mar-17 13:22:59

Not choice, chance.

NoelHeadbands Sun 12-Mar-17 13:23:26

Also in the nicest possible way that's a hell of a navel gaze.

Ferrisday Sun 12-Mar-17 13:24:04

I hear 'she thinks she can have any man and any job she wants'.
Why do you hear that, he didn't say it.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 12-Mar-17 13:24:12

Why won't it end well?
I think you sound nice OP. However, do you let people know you? The real you?
I don't have any advice sorry. I wouldn't change who you are though.

Limitededition7inch Sun 12-Mar-17 13:24:27

I don't get why you've started this thread. Nobody knows you so can't say with any great certainty whether you are or aren't arrogant. You will be accused of stealth boasting and it's not likely to end well.

If you know within yourself you're not arrogant then you probably don't need to start a thread on it.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Sun 12-Mar-17 13:24:40

I think you sound confident. I think your behaviour is only commented upon because you are female.

sonjadog Sun 12-Mar-17 13:26:28

Do people say things to you in particular settings? Because tbh, people never say these things about other people to me, or at the most I would hear a comment like this once in a blue moon. It might be that the people you are spending time with are not really suited to who you are. If it is a specific group of people saying these things, could you stop spending time with them? Colleagues are colleagues. Just smile and nod and go about your work.

SookiesSocks Sun 12-Mar-17 13:26:48

I know within myself I'm not arrogant. I know I don't think I'm any better than anyone else. I'm just not sure why others seem to think I do!

Because you are a women and you cannot be pretty and sucessful. Rather than just accept it people find it easier to put you down. sad

BitOutOfPractice Sun 12-Mar-17 13:27:36

I'm not sure what you want us to say confused

Bundesliga Sun 12-Mar-17 13:28:42

It is a hell of a navel gaze. This doesn't come across well at all OP. And your inability to judge that draws to question the level of your humility or arrogance.

justwanttoweeinpeace Sun 12-Mar-17 13:29:04

Massive example of naval gazing on AIBU at the weekend never usually ends well.

It's been especially tense round here lately. Anyhow - as you were, I've a lamb to roast.

GeorgeTheHamster Sun 12-Mar-17 13:30:10

Having a confident manner is much much better than creating a first impression that leads people to treat you like a doormat. Especially for a woman.

Don't overthink it.

Notdavidbrent Sun 12-Mar-17 13:30:44

I don't know either bitoutofpractice

I'm baffled as to why this seems like my reputation among certain people.

I don't respond at all. I just give a half smile and say nothing as gossip is rather prominent and anything you say can be taken out of context. This may be taken as me agreeing I suppose. But I've never once said anything that would suggest I think if anyone as being less than me in any way.

I admit I have a confident manner. But (hopefully) not arrogant. Im quite smiley I think! grin

followTheyellowbrickRoad Sun 12-Mar-17 13:30:54

Do you not comment when people make horrible statements rather that be secretly horrified?
It sounds like you lack confidence if you feel like you have to agree with what everyone says

DoorsAndWater Sun 12-Mar-17 13:31:17

I have no real advice but I just wanted to say I don't think you sound arrogant at all, just very aware of other people's thoughts, and I'm sorry to hear of your siblings flowers that must have been incredibly tough

salsaysthis Sun 12-Mar-17 13:31:29

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DCITennison Sun 12-Mar-17 13:32:31

I think if many different people view you in a certain way, then you have to wonder if it stems from you.

Having said that it seems there are some pretty negative people around you (belittling you and everyone else) and whether that's just coincidence or it says something about you and the choices you make, who knows?

Just on the little you've written here I'd guess you're actually quite insecure and (possibly subconsciously) try hard to project a certain image.

TheCuriousOwl Sun 12-Mar-17 13:33:09

OP are you quite reserved/private? Or shy? Because I've found that sometimes people who are painted as 'arrogant' or 'think they're better, don't swear etc' Are judged because they don't tell the world all about their life etc and so people assume that because they're well spoken, quiet, hard working yet still confident that they must be judging others. When actually it's just that they choose to be that way themselves and don't care a jot what others do!

I also think that assumption is made much more about women than men. If a man was confident but didn't broadcast all his weaknesses people wouldn't attack him in quite the same way.

Also I think if people really did think that you thought horrible things about you they wouldn't try and ingratiate themselves, they'd just avoid you and say you were a bitch, so I'd say maybe you're one of those people who people just don't get how they can make an 'in' with you. flowers

GirlnamedMax Sun 12-Mar-17 13:33:09

Just do you boo.

What's the point of the thread? 😴

emwithme Sun 12-Mar-17 13:34:06

I entirely get where you're coming from. I get this too (not so much the "can get any man" but the rest of it definitely). I also grew up in a working-class household and went to a private school on an Assisted Place

And the kicker is...it's not true. It's 90% "fake it til you make it" but at school we were taught - and expected - to answer clearly and with confidence (and there were no issues re teasing when you got things wrong etc) and I suppose that just carried on.

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