Advanced search

To just tell them no friends can come now?!!

(139 Posts)
Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:00:37

In October we stared booking a holiday for the summer this year. we said all of DCs could bring a friend, DSs decided to invite their girlfriends, DD1 didn't want to bring a friend as she just enjoys spending time as a family and DD2 had invited a friend.

At the time there was a few problems with DS2s girlfriend coming, she didn't know if she would be able to afford it or whether her parents would let her come as they kept changing their mind at the time. DD2 was also very unclear on whether her friend would be coming and I never got any replies from her mum when I texted. We went ahead and just booked without them but let them know we could add to the booking if they did decide they were coming but it would add £50 pp on.

Last Friday DDs friend slept over and they talked about the holiday and told me she really wants to come but she would struggle to be able to pay for it all at once. She's been a friend of DDs for years and I know her mum very well so DH said that we would pay the full amount now and they can pay us back as much as they can over a few months.

DS2 then starts kicking off because his girlfriend can't come it isn't fair. I am happy to have the same arrangement with her and have explained that but for some reason that isn't good enough for them and I guess they expect me to just pay for it! They've now decided if she can't come DS1s girlfriend shouldn't be allowed to come, she has already paid though and there have been no issues with that so I'm not willing to tell her she is uninvited.

Now DS won't speak to me and has been at his girlfriends all week, any time he does text me it's to have a go about favouring other DCs over him.

I just want to say to him fuck off, we are doing something nice and he's ruined it and now no one can have any friends to come!

Nocabbageinmyeye Sun 12-Mar-17 12:06:10

Yabu, why should everyone suffer cause your ds and his gf are spoilt, entitled and stroppy? Tell him and her fuck off by all means, I would, but I wouldn't punish everyone. In fact if he didn't cop on I'd change the name on your ds's ticket to your dds friend altogether and let him stay at home with the girlfriend

Lasagna Sun 12-Mar-17 12:06:34

YANBU to want to say that, YABU to actually do it.

What are their ages?

From what you've said it's only DS(2?) and his girlfriend creating a fuss, it wouldn't be fair on the others to punish them for his behaviour. I would just tell him if that's how he behaves I don't think he is even mature enough to have his girlfriend on holiday with him. Are you able to tell him that if he continues he won't even be coming either? Even if you don't mean it, just as a threat.

Boulshired Sun 12-Mar-17 12:11:34

I would not of entered into this idea unless I could afford to pay for them. Money and asking for it often leads to problems.

Topsytoo Sun 12-Mar-17 12:11:37

I wouldn't allowing any of my DC to have their girlfriends come on holiday anyway. You said friends.

bloodyteenagers Sun 12-Mar-17 12:13:20

I would explain it very bluntly.
You two had months to sort this out. You didn't want to. Other friend is paying us back as should she. So do explain how we are favoring the other two. They are paying for themselves. If you pay for you thenwe have to pay for all because we would be favoring you. Now either deal with this or not. Your problem. Grow up and stop acting like a spoilt brat. Friends/girlfriends who have paid are coming end of.

RebelRogue Sun 12-Mar-17 12:14:24

If he's an ungrateful entitled little shit,stropping off and staying away for the week,then he can stay at home with his gf and have a sulk fest while u all go and enjoy your holiday. But I'm a horrible person grin

Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:14:40

I would never actually tell them they can't have friends, especially as DDs friend and her mum are so excited we've worked out a way for her to come, im just stressed out by what should be a nice thing.

I've already threatened him with him not coming but he's paid so that didn't work!

When we go DD1 will be 17, DD2 15, DS1 20, his girlfriend 19, DS2 and his girlfriend both 18.

Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:16:43

RebelRogue I sent him a text along the same lines as what you said but he wasn't bothered as he paid already so I can't do anything about it!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 12-Mar-17 12:18:15

God no, don't let him ruin it for everyone else! She either takes you up on your very kind offer to pay it and allow her to repay in installments, or she doesn't come. Why should she be the only one who gets it paid for her?! confused

Costacoffeeplease Sun 12-Mar-17 12:20:22

You can refund him and remove him from the booking, I would, spoilt little boy

RebelRogue Sun 12-Mar-17 12:20:43

Sure you can. You can refund him the money and then they can sort out their own holiday.
"DS this is becoming ridiculous,you can have a refund on the money paid for holiday and sort your own holiday with gf. Or you come with us and if gf wants to join she either pays (or you pay for her) just like everyone else.'

KickAssAngel Sun 12-Mar-17 12:20:53

If DS2 turned up at an airport and acted like a jerk it wouldnt matter that he'd already paid, he wouldn't get on the plane. Paying doesn't give him the right to upset it for everyone. Tell him you'll talk when he shows up and speaks politely. Until then it's assumed that he's opted out and forfeited his money.

Lasagna Sun 12-Mar-17 12:21:31

I would not of entered into this idea unless I could afford to pay for them. Money and asking for it often leads to problems.

I think that really depends on where they are going, if camping somewhere in the UK where price doesn't really change depending who's coming then I probably wouldn't ask for money, or only ask for a tiny bit of they could. If somewhere abroad (which the £50 extra for changing booking makes me think it is) then no way would I be paying for anyone other than my own children! At 20 I probably wouldn't be even be paying for my own children grin

I've already threatened him with him not coming but he's paid so that didn't work

Tell him that it doesn't matter he's paid, you will change his name to DDs friend and then when they pay you back the money will go to him minus the £50 for changing names.

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 12-Mar-17 12:24:02

Tell him to stop behaving like a spolit brat. He has 3 options
You pay for his GF and she pays you back
He comes without his GF.
He stays at home. His choice.

Stick to your guns. No way should you have to fork out freebies for his GF. They both sound very entitled, but I guess they are only 18.

Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:25:22

you will change his name to DDs friend and then when they pay you back the money will go to him minus the £50 for changing names. For some reason I hadn't thought about this! We've already added DDs friend on but I might just pretend DD1 has decided she wants a friend too grin

robinia Sun 12-Mar-17 12:25:51

So DSs1&2 pay for themselves?
To me, that's where this has gone wrong. You're paying for DDs but not for DSs.
Getting the add ons to pay is fair but I can understand DS2 being annoyed if he has already paid for a holiday and now it transpires his gf can't afford it. Yes he is being unreasonable to suggest you are not being fair with the add ons, but he has a point if he thinks you're not being fair with your own children.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 12:26:08

No way would I have wanted my family holiday gate crashed with all the extra guests anyway!!
If this is the drama pre holiday I would be packing copious amounts of alcohol in my case for the actually event..

KoalaDownUnder Sun 12-Mar-17 12:27:02

God, what's up with these 18+-year-old adults having strops over paying for their own holidays?!

Just tell your 28-year-old son that either his GF pays or she's not coming. Whether he pulls out too is up to him. Don't drag the other kids into it though!

KoalaDownUnder Sun 12-Mar-17 12:27:21

Sorry - 18, not 28!

Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:29:26

I only paid for DD2 as she is 14 and has no other way of affording it, DD1 I only payed half for. They wanted to pay for the holiday as it meant we could go somewhere nicer. His girlfriend hasn't been able to come/unsure if she could since the beginning, nothing's changed other than DDs friend is now coming so he thinks I should just pay for his girlfriend to make it fair.

robinia Sun 12-Mar-17 12:31:17

Can you pay and she/they owe you in the same way as DDs friend? They can't say that would be unfair.

Floofborksnootandboop Sun 12-Mar-17 12:33:57

I don't mind how she pays for it either, whether it's her, her parents or DS paying. I am even happy to pay for it and for her to pay me back over time. I am not going to pay for her and not get a penny back.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 12-Mar-17 12:35:43

Fair enough, too! Tell him that, and he can like it or lump it.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon Sun 12-Mar-17 12:44:02

She wants a free holiday. She has her options, she can like it or lump it. DS can go or not. I wouldn't pander to an adult having a tantrum.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: