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Husband staying up late at night

(28 Posts)
pinkberry7258 Sun 12-Mar-17 09:10:47

Myself and my husband are due baby number 2 in just under 2 weeks. The last few nights he has gone to bed and then stayed up to all hours watching tv or messing about online sometimes up to half 1/2am in the morning. He then gets up for work at 6 and by the time he gets up at 7 that evening he is like a zombie but will stay up again. I know he is his own person and can choose when he wants to go to sleep ect but I'm also concerned as in a few weeks we'll have a newborn and in my head he should be getting as much sleep in now whilst he can. AIBU to broach the subject? I guess I am also afraid il go into labour and he'll be running on no sleep and won't be much support to me too. Yesterday we went over to my parents which we hadn't been in a few weeks and within an hour he was itching to go home, were only home 5 mins and he's asleep on the couch.

lionsleepstonight Sun 12-Mar-17 09:25:31

I would, as it sounds like his sleep/waking pattern is that of a single childless man, not that of a father of one and one on the way.

So yesterday, once you got back and he fell asleep, you were left to entertain dc, cook tea, bedtime routine on your own at 36/38 weeks?

gamerchick Sun 12-Mar-17 09:33:14

leave him alone, Christ.

Maybe he's suffering insomnia due to the impending strain on his wallet and here he has a wife who wants to control what time he goes to bed. (Only one of many possible reasons).

What is it about pregnant woman who want to micro manage every little thing, is it a hormone thing? confused

DonaldStott Sun 12-Mar-17 09:39:49

I'm gonna say your hormones are out of whack.

Granted it was rude to fall asleep after 5 mins at your parents, but fucking hell. You want to 'broach the subject' of telling your husband he should go to bed at a time you deem as reasonable!!!

Do you realise how that sounds!!

ImGonnaSingTheDoomSongNow Sun 12-Mar-17 09:40:16

Bloody hell gamerchick talk about over reaction. She is concerned for her husband and the impact his lack of sleep is having/going to have on their impendong change on family circumstances.
In no way is that micromanaging or controlling him .
It's proven that lack of sleep causes impairment to decision making, poor impact on mood and is bad for your health in numerous ways.

pinkberry I would talk to him, say you are concerned he's not sleeping well, don't have a go but try and find out if he's stressed or whatever. He might turn round and say yes please help make me go to bed earlier! You never know, but you should be able to talk to him about your concerns.

SomethingBorrowed Sun 12-Mar-17 09:41:11

Let him enjoy it until the birth

Topuptheglass Sun 12-Mar-17 09:43:29

"Impending strain on his wallet" hmm what a nice way to describe parenthood.

But yes, op, you can't tell an adult what time to go to bed...

SaucyJack Sun 12-Mar-17 09:43:53

Is your DC1 a good sleeper?

I know you think he should be getting as much sleep as possible right now, but maybe he feels the exact opposite and wants to make the most of his last few weeks of peace and quiet?

arethereanyleftatall Sun 12-Mar-17 09:44:20

Sorry but yabu. An adult can decide for themselves when they want to go to sleep.

Crunchymum Sun 12-Mar-17 09:46:34

Grown men should be present for family life. Not staying up all night and then being dogged by tiredness the next day.

My DP is a night owl and can function on very little sleep (he also does a very manual job and sometimes it's 6-7 days per week) but we have an arrangement that if he wants to stay up and fart around later than midnight /1am on a weeknight then it's sofa for him!! I work too and 2yo still doesn't sleep through she still wakes at least once, usually more often so sleep is a precious commodity!!!

buckyou Sun 12-Mar-17 09:46:58

I get annoyed if my husband goes to bed late (just had baby number 2). I wouldn't give a shit if we didn't have the kids but it's annoying when I have to get up with toddler and he's not helpful because he's knackered!

NormaSmuff Sun 12-Mar-17 09:47:01

have you asked him why?
perhaps he is worried about the birth and the baby and can't sleep?

pipsqueak25 Sun 12-Mar-17 09:47:41

sorry but yabu - at the moment - if it carries on after the birth that would be a different matter, yes top that might well be a concern, dc cost money !

rookiemere Sun 12-Mar-17 09:59:09

Tell him he can sort out the night feeds seeing his body is on that nocturnal clock. Or if you are bf he can hand baby to you and do nappy changes and things. Might as well take advantage of his sleeping patterns !

IamFriedSpam Sun 12-Mar-17 10:03:10

Obviously you can't tell him when to go to bed but you can certainly talk to him about it. I would come from the angle of wanting more support in the evening - rather than him itching to get home and fall asleep on the sofa while you presumably sort out everything for your DC, tidy up etc. while pregnant and tired yourself. Maybe offer to both have an hour to yourselves each weekend no questions asked so you have time so he doesn't feel he has to do all his faffing on his phone late at night.

JoJoSM2 Sun 12-Mar-17 10:04:23

He's probably massively stressed out and can't sleep. It happens to me sometimes. Luckily, my husband is very lovely and supportive about it. He'll encourage me switch off electronics and hour before bed and we'll often get into bed with nice music, candles and cuddles. It helps me to relax and fall asleep.

Nanna50 Sun 12-Mar-17 10:19:57

Do you know why he is faffing about and what he is doing? If not ask him, it's all well and good people saying he is an adult but if his sleep pattern has an impact on family life such as not helping with your child or visit family then it needs to be addressed.
There is a whole difference between him playing games or chatting online because he can, as opposed to having insomnia and struggling to sleep.
You cant be supportive if you don't know what it is, you need to talk with him.

Sunnymeg Sun 12-Mar-17 11:15:41

I agree with JoJo,,it definitely sounds like stress to me. He could be worried about something and not want to bother you with it, especially so close to giving birth.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 12-Mar-17 11:23:18

"The last few nights he has gone to bed and then stayed up to all hours watching tv or messing about online sometimes up to half 1/2am in the morning."
Am I reading this right? He watching TV/online after going to bed? So that he's disturbing your sleep too?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 12-Mar-17 11:29:32

Sorry, but I'm with Gamerchick on this one, you can't tell another adult when to go to bed! I like to go to bed early sometimes, if DP said it was too early I'd be livid, same if I wanted to go to bed late. You aren't his mother confused

ScarletSienna Sun 12-Mar-17 11:32:20

She isn't his mother but he is the father and has responsibilities beyond himself!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 12-Mar-17 12:41:13

The baby isn't even here yet- if he doesn't pull his weight when it is, take him up on that but not by telling him to go to bed when the op deems is appropriate!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Sun 12-Mar-17 12:44:16

YABU. I do this. Don't see why it means I'm acting 'like a single person'. I'm acting like a grown woman who can take responsibility for her own sleeping patterns.

Sometimes it's because I'm stressed, sometimes it's just because I need some alone time. This is your second child I hardly think he's forgotten that newborns don't sleep confused

imadeamistake123 Sun 12-Mar-17 12:47:25

It sounds as though your DH is preparing to do the first few hours of long nights once the new born comes. Seriously, if you bottle feed or express, you'll get plenty of rest at this difficult stage as he can bring the baby up to you when he goes to bed at 1-2am. It might be worth checking thats his plan, but that would be perfect for you to share the exhausting nightssmile

MrThoughtless Sun 12-Mar-17 12:56:03

Think of it as like a stag do - he's getting it out of his system before his freedom is curtailed wink

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