To ask why people want more than 1 child??(170 Posts)
I need to ask it's been bothering me for weeks.
I'm due my first child in 5 weeks, however I am absolutely baffled as to why people want more!
Split with the father of my child (NC at all), yes we did discuss having another one for the whole sibling thing.
However, since going through the whole pregnancy alone and now being single, I am seriously questioning why I would EVER want another!
I know a lot will say oh you are single but when you meet someone new, you'll feel with him how you did your ex & want another but right now I just can't see it! Will I??
You're thinking is based on your current circumstances and your mind may or may not change when your circumstances change. But of course YANBU if you only want one child. Sorry you're going through it alone. I wonder why you ask. Has your pregnancy been physically and emotionally difficult?
You probably feel this way because of your circumstances. Doing everything alone is hard work and you're probably tired, stressed and hormonal. But you may not be alone forever!
I have one DC and for various reasons don't want any more so I do know where you are coming from but of course you may change your mind in the future.
Not everyone wants more than one child. I knew when I had dd that I wanted a second. I have no logical explanation for why, I just did. Probably a lot to do with the overwhelming feeling of love and happiness my dcs give me.
I am an only and have an only, the primary reasons that people have given me over the years are:
a) to play together when they are young (and thus take some of the pressure off the parent as they entertain themselves)
b) to teach each other social interaction so that they don't end up weird or lonely
c) to always have someone who has got their back in adulthood
d) to equally share the burden of caring for parents when they are old
Looking around at friends with siblings I'm not totally convinced that any of those are guaranteed.
Another compelling reason is
d) I/we wanted to have another baby
which seems likely to actually be the primary reason in a lot of cases (and fair enough, that is why I had my one child).
You haven't even had one yet and your situation isn't typical. I doubt the majority of women 35 weeks pregnant are desperate for number 2 but it comes on a lot of us once the first is past the initial 12 weeks (which aren't fun) or 12 months etc. I decided another would be good after 18 months, I have secondary infertility so it was not to be.
You answered your own question there. You did consider another child before you split with the father of your child.
Other people do not split, they may have less difficult pregnancies and births, they might be more attached to the idea of a big family ... etc.
YANBU to only want one child. But other people are different.
I have one DS 15 and knew instantly I would never want another.
My friend has 4 and I honestly don't know how she does it.
In my case it was because I thoroughly enjoyed having a child and wanted to do it again. That alright with you?
DD is 12 months and everything she does is absolutely adorable, it makes me want 10 more but only planning on another 1
I guess people want more than 1 because babies are lovely.
I have no idea why people have more than 1. My dd is 11 and we both love every second we have with her, I had a wonderfully pregnancy and very quick easy birth but I could never go through the first 6 months again, I hated every minute of having a tiny baby, I was scared, anxious, tired and bored, once was definitely enough for me.
Keep the first one company
Always had a vision of more than one
But best of all nowadays most women (and men) get to choose how many they want thanks to contraception, women's emancipation, social evolution. That's what we should be championing, it's our choice if and how many, rather than how few or many.
Because the love siblings have for each other is the most wonderful thing. I honestly don't think my children's lives would have been as rich without each other.
One of my children has autism and finds it a little hard to make friends. His brother is a great friend for him - they are growing up together and get on so well. They play all day. My boy with autism learns huge amounts from his sociable brother. They both benefit hugely from each other's existence.
I just knew I wanted my son to have a sibling. My dad died 14 years ago and my mum is in a care home. My brother is one of my closest friends and we have a great relationship. I would hope my boys are the same when they're older though I know there is no guarantee!!
My eldest went to school and I just needed to have another baby.
I'm probably swayed by the fact that my brother & I have never had a good relationship, we both would have been happier as an only child
Bloody hormones kicked in about a year after my first was born. So, now I have two children. I'm approaching 40, so my wretched hormones are trying to get me to consider a third before it's too late. They can fuck right off.
In some ways having two is easier than just having one. Mine are 3 and 18 months and I don't have to entertain my 3 year old much these days because he has a playmate in his little sister. It's lovely.
But the reason why we had another wasn't that. Deciding to have kids wasn't a rational choice for us, and I think it probably isn't for most people?
After giving birth for the first time I couldn't imagine how anyone would want to go through that a second time. My pregnancy was also rough with severe morning sickness for 6 months.
But time passes and perceptions change with time.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! There's no need to think any further ahead right now.
Because we do- when out of the first year haze, or turning 40 having an extra glass of wine on Sunday watching all the lovely cousins playing so nicely
Single and attached women often feel at your stage once is enough- and most of us end up with less children than we thought we wanted, I used to want six- DH wanted 4 we have peaked at 2.
Because sibling can support you in ways no one else does.
I'm with you don't worry. I felt the same before I gave birth and I feel the same way now, my DD is 4 and I literally don't want anymore kids.
Horrible pregnancy, horrible labour, baby phase is bloody awful, toddler phase is awkward and it's only just now that I am really liking having a child. I don't care how crap I sound, some woman just aren't cut out and some woman are.
I think those that have more than one are brave and I envy them, because I imagine it to be a challenge in ways.
I have friends whom have 5 kids each, just being around them is enough to make me not want anymore babies.
I'm one of 5 and knew I never wanted that many. My best friend is an only, her parents were only children. They died in a car accident when she was in her second year. Although she now has her DH and 2 DC She still talks about how lonely it can be at times with no extended family on her side. Watching her feeling like she was all alone in the world at 19 made me decide that I would like more than 1.
When DD1 was little, perhaps about 2, I realised that I wanted to experience the whole toddler thing more than once. DD1 was (and still is) a great girl and my only qualm about having a second was whether we used up all of our luck on her and would have a really difficult second child. We were absolutely in love with DD1 and it was difficult to imagine another child matching up. It turns out that DD2 is every bit as great as DD1. Either we are exceptionally lucky or this is what parenthood feels like.
In terms of what having a second child does to your life - I think family life has been enriched and having another person in the mix gives greater depth. DD1 was an only child for quite a while and still gravitates to adults for company more than many of her peers. I don't know whether that is a function of being an only child child or just her personality. DD2 might be a test of this as she is quite like DD1 in other ways.
My own experience - I'm an only child, I hated it as a child as I enjoyed the noise and chaos of friends' houses where there was loads of kids and often felt lonely when in my own house. And now as an adult as I see the lovely relationships my friends have with their siblings and I feel like I miss out on that. My DM hasn't many friends or other family, so all her attention is focused on me. It often feels like a lot of pressure. I'm due DC2 next month and while I'm not sure I'd want any more than two for various reasons, I know I wouldn't want just one.
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