To think I've made a huge mistake...

(187 Posts)
Neve77 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:26:22

I have been with OH for five years. I thought he was the love of my life. We have been engaged for a year and have a baby on the way.
We moved in together two weeks ago (house is mortgaged) and for the first week things seemed fine. He has always corrected me on things but now it seems like everything I do is wrong. He even criticised how I ironed a pillow case. Every thing I tell him he knows better than me or I must be in the wrong and he tries and proves me wrong. Every day I make breakfast, wash up, make the bed, go to work, come home and make tea and wash up from that. Today he said to me "you know you have to do housework too". I have cleaned the bathroom and kitchen each Saturday we lived here (a deep clean, I do tidy as I go along as well). Which hurt as I felt I had been pulling my weigh! He's now argued with me over the cost of a washing line and I just wanted to cry and the situation that I have got myself stuck in for the foreseeable future 😭. AIBU to wish I had stayed in my own place?

TheSparrowhawk Sat 11-Mar-17 17:27:27

YANBU. You need to get away from this prick asap.

GoodGirlGoneWrong Sat 11-Mar-17 17:28:15

Run away. Quickly before you are too deep.

darceybussell Sat 11-Mar-17 17:28:57

Do you work OP? Are you doing all the housework or is he saying that he is doing more than you? If you are doing it all and he is just criticising he can fuck right off!

FacelikeaBagofHammers Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:02

Not only do you need to go back to your own place, you need to dump that bastard too.

Haggisfish Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:04

Leave. It will get worse.

ExplodedCloud Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:11

You're ironing pillowcases and that's not good enough? hmm
What housework is he doing?

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:17

YANBU. Is he doing any housework?!

Neve77 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:27

I think I'm already too deep! I'm 8 months pregnant and have poured my life savings into this house. I just want to escape 😭

Neve77 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:29:49

Yes I work. I'm a full time teacher.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork Sat 11-Mar-17 17:31:08

I know its too late for this, but why on earth didn't you live together before buying a house and getting pregnant?
It's never too late to get out.

Doyoumind Sat 11-Mar-17 17:31:48

What does he do around the house?

This does ring alarm bells. He will get even worse when you're at home with the baby with "plenty of time" to get the housework done.

6079SmithW Sat 11-Mar-17 17:31:49

Does he do anything to help around the house? If not he will certainly start having to when the baby comes.
Is he reasonable? Could you sit down and work out a housework rota/plan?

BeaveredBadgered Sat 11-Mar-17 17:32:01

Leave. It'll only get worse. Do you have family you could stay with?

Foldedtshirt Sat 11-Mar-17 17:32:42

You need to have a proper conversation. At 8 months pregnant and working full time you need to be doing much less than half the housework and it sounds like you're doing all of it.
What did you say when he said 'you know you have to do housework too!'?

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon Sat 11-Mar-17 17:33:13

Is your name on the deeds? Make plans to leave asap.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Sat 11-Mar-17 17:33:24

It's not too late. Maybe get some legal advice on what to do. But you do not need to stay with this man.

MatildaTheCat Sat 11-Mar-17 17:33:45

It's never too late. He sounds quite dreadful. Has he got worse since you moved in? Tell him straight you are deeply unimpressed and his response will tell you what you need to know.

On a practical level what's the set up with the house? Houses can be sold, people can move somewhere smaller and cheaper. Babies can be brought up by a happy mother alone, he can still have contact when appropriate.

Get support from anyone available and tell people what's happening.

bloodyteenagers Sat 11-Mar-17 17:34:57

"You have housework to do"
He would have had the mop rammed up his fucking arse and told to crack on with it.

I would really be looking at how to get out of this. Being pregnant isn't the issue. It's the house. I hope you have protected your cash

ScrapThatThen Sat 11-Mar-17 17:36:06

(Unless he is likely to be violent, or you need to plan leaving the relationship without him knowing) - You need to say clearly that you will not stay in the relationship if he continues to criticise you and if he does not start to do an equal share of housework and chores. And tell your family you are having problems in case you need support (and maybe his so they can bollock him).

Astro55 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:36:45

Well my stick answer would be 'oh I see you're so much better at ironing! I'll leave that to you then'

Then go and sit down!

Why isn't he running round after you seeing as you're 8 months gone?

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 11-Mar-17 17:36:46

Get out now - and don't put him on the birth certificate either.

Or tell your Midwife you want a referral to Adult Safeguarding who will use the womens services in your area.

Psychological abuse is covered.

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Astro55 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:37:44

Side note - if you don't put him on the certificate - give the child your last name - saves issues later

Crunchymum Sat 11-Mar-17 17:40:41

Any red flags before you lived together?

It seems a mighty huge jump if he as been fine up to now? Not saying it's OK (it fucking isn't) just wondering how the relationship was before?

Agree that you need to seek legal advice ASAP. Please don't wait until baby comes as it will be so much harder.

MrsAmaretto Sat 11-Mar-17 17:40:42

Another one saying Don't put him on the birth certificate.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now