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Relationshi over so rejected was it my fault

(5 Posts)
calistamommy Sat 11-Mar-17 15:29:37

Please bear with me I'll try to keep it breaf be kind I'm writing and crying and am heartbroken . Oh & I married got devorced year later ( his decision not mine he thought grass was greener) approx 3yrs later got bk together tried for a baby after a while but had to have 4 rounds ivf to catch with dd now 9. Catch naturally then but go on to miscarriage twice last one 3 yrs ago. We then have last round of Ivf ( frozen embryos) beginning of last year but didn't work. I was devastated. Then April I fall pg very frought with worry and medical problems. Had ds 8 wks ago. I am disabled and suffer chronic pain and fatigue so need more help than average mom/person. Partner & I been growing apart no closeness etc. I'm aware I am hormonal still and I'm doing my best doing housework mainly so dp doesn't have to do to much on the evening,even though I'm in pain and juggling both kids. Dp stays downstairs every night with ds till 2-3 am then he and ds come to bed. He goes to sleep immediately. I've asked & asked got him to come to bed earlier with dp once/twice a wk to spend tome together but he never does. Before ds was born he did office work until 11-12 at night so this isn't a new thing. I'm constantly coming up with ways we can spend time together ( before he goes to work,10 mins once dd goes to bed) but it never happens he always says I've got ds to look after and jobs to do. 3 wks ago I said I was unhappy, hopefully making him realise we need to talk. Nothing. Last wk I said we need to talk. I stayed down stairs longer in the hope he'd talk but again, doing jobs/staying in other room. I said Thursday look if it's not working do we need to split? And that the constant being ignored make me feel if I had somewhere to go with the I would as its obvious I'm not wanted or he doesn't want to try. He said yeah your prob right it's not working I'm giving 110% and he can't and won't do any more. I've almost begged for him to try again saying I will and I want this to work so much. Etc. Many tears, my side constant negotiations and compromise (all me) but he says it won't work so why try. He says he loves me but not enough to build on. He left once when dd was 1yr but came bk again when he realised he's made a mistake. Like a fool I have him bk d try as I love him and want a stable home for the kids. But now he's gone out for hrs looking for somewhere to live he said. We rent a house so no way can afford two places and I can't work due to disability ( rare disorder with lots of complications) aibu in asking for closeness and love, I'm aware kids take attention and time and I'm trying to not lose what we once had. But he's decided it's over no more trying no emotion until we tel dd who is devastated. Sorry if some of it seems unclear. I'm stuck living with a man who doesn't want me or our family unit. Nowhere to go. How do I cope

someonestolemynick Sat 11-Mar-17 15:37:57

Poor you flowers.

Unfortunately you will need to let him go (and not take him back in a year). It does not sound like a healthy relationship and in time You, him and your kids will be happier apart.
Do you have any friends/ family around to help you out? 😚

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 11-Mar-17 15:46:57

I take it he's stopping downstairs with DS until 2am because DS isn't sleeping very well yet?

In which case it sounds like you're both run off your feet. There's very little time leftover to put into a relationship when you've got a young baby. But a relationship should be strong enough to withstand the rough patches. If it's not strong enough then I think you would be better off apart.

calistamommy Sat 11-Mar-17 16:02:17

No family or friends unfortunately they've no room and df has eath probs. Ds sleep can w hard going as he reflux but not major enough to stay downstairs if I'm honest not every night anyway. Feel trapped

calistamommy Tue 14-Mar-17 18:37:23

sad

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