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About baby's surname on standard vaxx reminder letter?

(29 Posts)
ControlGeek Sat 11-Mar-17 14:31:24

DH has form for making every little slight a premeditated personal attack, and I have form for not being able to see his pov, so please tell me was IBU?

DH and I married a month before dd(2 mths) was born. I hadn't got round to changing the hospital details to include my new surname so dd was referred to as Baby Geek on all the hospital docs. She was subesquently registered as Geekling MrGeek.

I have yet to update my surname change anywhere except the bank, never mind updating 'Baby Geek' to 'Baby MrGeek' at the hospital. She's a very hungry ebf baby who won't take a bottle and I struggle to keep on top of my own correspondence and that of my DF, who has dementia.

Today a vaxx reminder letter arrived addressed to Baby Geek and DH got very upset/annoyed that it didn't say Baby MrGeek. I felt it wasn't important as it was just a standard letter from the hospital and her surgery has her registered correctly. He huffed a bit and stropped that I wouldn't write or call to get it changed. I suggested he do it if it really meant that much, as I struggle to keep on top of the critical day to day stuff as it is. He won't.

WIBU to suggest that the name on the letter wasn't important? I suspect I possibly was here, as although it means nothing to me it clearly bothers DH - but would you be bothered to such an extent?

And WIBU to suggest he write/call himself?

GeillisTheWitch Sat 11-Mar-17 14:32:47

I suggested he do it if it really meant that much, as I struggle to keep on top of the critical day to day stuff as it is. He won't

Then he is an unreasonable arse. YANBU.

Floggingmolly Sat 11-Mar-17 14:33:54

If you haven't bothered to update the details, then they have addressed it "correctly". Seriously? hmm

moggle Sat 11-Mar-17 14:34:59

YANBU to ask him to sort it.
A bit U to be totally unbothered about it as her name ought to be correct for things like this, but it doesn't need doing right this second.

Cynara Sat 11-Mar-17 14:35:49

He's being unreasonable. He needs to get over himself.

moggle Sat 11-Mar-17 14:36:06

Sorry I've just read again. If her GP has it correct then no YANBU. If he wants it changed he should do it.

AuntieStella Sat 11-Mar-17 14:38:37

I'm surprised it's the hospital, not the GP who is sending vax reminders.

If you did not use's DD correct name when registering her with your GP (as I thought everyone did) then yes, I think your DH is right to blame yo for that.

If you have not yet registered her with a GP, then you need to do so ASAP.

And when you do, you just need to give her correct name. They are used to updating records all the time. You only need the BC to register with a GP.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sat 11-Mar-17 14:39:52

Why is his name so very important?

TeethDrama Sat 11-Mar-17 14:42:24

Is the baby registered in your or your dh's surname on birth certificate? If dh's then the standard letter is a quick admin call that you or your dh could make. TBH if you are at home with the baby then it's probably easier for you to do it during a nap time. If you're at home with the baby and he's working then imo daytime baby stuff does relate to you as that's your job. It's shared in evening and weekends or when he's nut at work. Seeing as the health centre or whatever it is will probably keep standard office hours if that's when he's at work then I think it would be your call.

Although - he ibu to get cross with you about it as it's not your fault. It's an admin thing that isn't a great shake, just a loose end to tie up.

ControlGeek Sat 11-Mar-17 14:43:44

Yes, her surgery and health visitor notes and red book are all in the correct name, it's just the hospital recorded her details as 'Baby Geek' at birth based on my antenatal notes surname.

Glad I wasn't BU to ask him to do it. If he mentions it again I'll try to be kinder in my tone but will say he needs to change it.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 11-Mar-17 14:45:17

I don't follow the whole 'Baby geek' 'MrGeek' lingo but surely the onus is on one of you to sort out the details. The docs are surely only following what they've known to be the case so far.

Etak15 Sat 11-Mar-17 14:48:35

You can just change it when you go to the appointment, this has happened with my dc when we've had appts in the early wks as before leaving delivery suite we hadn't decided on a name and so they were "baby mysurname" and when we attended appointment we updated their records to "name dh'ssurname" it's fine, sounds like you've got a lot on, this is insignificant! Tell your husband to get a grip!!

April241 Sat 11-Mar-17 14:49:25

My kids were Baby April at hospital and they said its standard to use the mothers name in hospital so they know which baby belongs to which parent. Once we were discharged from hospital we didn't hear anything else from them and all the kids letters come from the GP/HV now.

Are their vaccinations done at the hospital rather than GP? Sorry completely missing the question in the post just curious!

ControlGeek Sat 11-Mar-17 14:52:46

AuntieStella my surgery wouldn't accept the birth cert as a registration ID, only her red book confused but yes, she is registered correctly. Her bifth cert has DH's surname as that's what we'd always planned on her having.

Cherry dd is double donor so DH's recognition as her DF is very important to him. Think I just answered my AIBU#1 myself there - IWBU.

teeth DH is mostly at home at present, he's disabled though on a gradual phased return to work. Neither of us has yet figured out how to get dd to sleep/nap off us. She screams blue murder when we try, though we are working on this. This means I rarely have naptime free as she often feeds during her naps which is why I'm behind on everything else. Her 'awake' moments are my only truly free time just now and I spend them running around like a mad thing trying to get everything done. I am behind on my DF's admin so that is my number 1 priority until I am caught up.

AuntieStella Sat 11-Mar-17 14:53:32

Sorry ignore me, just seen that it's there, really clearly that she I'd correctly registered with a GP. No idea how I read that wrongly. My apologies.

The name entered in the GP records should link to the NHS number, which means the hospital should be using the right name too. Though I suppose that might depend on how the it works in your particular Trust. It was automatic in mine.

I don't actually think it's unreasonable to be bothered when someone is calling you (or your nearest and dearest) by the wrong name. I suggest you ask him to arrange the correction with the hospital, as he is the one to whom this matters most.

Cornettoninja Sat 11-Mar-17 14:53:39

I'm going to presume as she hasn't had her vaccinations she's tiny.

yanbu, yes if he's that arsed he can sort it out himself, otherwise he can wait till her vaccination appointment and you can update it then.

He's been ridiculous tbh, but I will cut him some slack remembering the first few months with a new baby. It's hard having your world turned upside down.

That doesn't mean he gets a free pass though, just because it's hard doesn't mean he gets to be a dick.

Etak15 Sat 11-Mar-17 14:55:17

Some vaccinations for e.g. Bcg that aren't rountinely given to all babies but certain risk groups are given in children's outpatient clinic at hospital - sometimes given before discharge when baby is born but sometimes they don't have the correctly trained staff to administer it on that particular shift so they give clinic appt.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 11-Mar-17 14:57:46

He's being a dick. He really cares, but only if you sort it out.

ControlGeek Sat 11-Mar-17 14:57:48

I've just checked the letter and it's come from the NHS Foundation Trust and doesn't refer to dd's NHS number or anything so seems to be generated based on the hospital birth data. She is def registered correctly at her surgery. The jabs are done at her surgery though.Our names aren't on the letter, just parent/guardian of baby geek.

And yes, I'm aware I could probably have knocked up a letter in the time it's taken me to write this but it's now the principle that he won't do it himself, though I will make sure I use kinder words/tone in future as I know he's sensitive about it.

Crunchymum Sat 11-Mar-17 15:13:39

Massive over reaction from husband!!!

I do find the letter odd though. My kids both have different surname to me. So once they were registered everything (barring red books) are in their correct name. Did you register baby with the GP before you had her officially registered?

SimonSmithsAmazingDancingBear Sat 11-Mar-17 15:15:19

What's a double donor?

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 11-Mar-17 15:22:48

Just googled double donor and, like you said, you have probably answered your own question. You carried your baby but your may feel more need to prove that she is his.

You sound like you have loads on your plate at the moment. I hope things get a bit easier for you soon.

ControlGeek Sat 11-Mar-17 15:54:32

Donor egg & donor sperm Simon

SimonSmithsAmazingDancingBear Sat 11-Mar-17 16:16:56

Ah thanks. Sorry just hadn't heard the term before and was clearly being a bit dense.

I think he's over reacting somewhat.

If he's that bothered, then that's one of the "ooh we've got a new baby" tasks that he can take on board, isn't it?

Or is it that the he only cares as he thinks it's something you haven't done?

sashh Sat 11-Mar-17 16:59:17


Is your baby healthy?

If it bothers him, he can change it.

From a health service POV - we are just happy the right child gets the right treatment / vax.

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