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Pissed off with dh and friend

(174 Posts)
booloobalooloo Sat 11-Mar-17 11:33:39

Not sure what I'm most pissed off about here.
Have an old uni friend staying this weekend. We got on really well at uni, had lots in common and she was bridesmaid at my wedding and we still keep in contact lots 10 years on. However since uni we've gone in very different directions. We are both homeowners but she is single and very career driven in a competitive field. I chose to go into a less competitive area of my work before becoming a sahm to my now toddler.
Just after breakfast this morning I mention I'm going to have a shower and dh says can I open the window so it's not too steamy up there. I say I'll open it when I'm done like normal. He puts in an argument that I should open it during but I say no cos I don't like the draft when I'm in the shower.
He is a bit sulky about this and makes a shit comment about damaging 'his' house and friend comments in agreement. It irritates me so I make a comment but try to keep it joky about being told how to shower in my own home and would she allow that? She says no, but her place is just hers and she'd never agree to a shared mortgage so always will be. I (stupidly) didn't leave it there and said ' so if someone moved in with you it'd be ok to tell them how to shower even tho it's their home too?'. She then told me no she wouldn't but then he'd be contributing to the house and I'm not!
They are now annoyed that I've suggested that in that case me and my ' contribution' go out (after my shower with the window shut) and have a good day while they enjoy the lack of steam and draft of open windows in the house.
Aibu for a) being pissed off at him trying to tell me how to shower, and b)being told I don't contribute to the household?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sat 11-Mar-17 11:36:22

Why not just say of course and open it after as normal?

DoloresAbernathy Sat 11-Mar-17 11:37:24

They both sound like twats. I assume you and you DP both agreed together to have children and on how your current set up is?

zzzzz Sat 11-Mar-17 11:38:03

I think I'd be irritated but I wouldn't strop off I'd think they both were a bit thick and rude to boot.
You can be friends with people (and married to people) and have wildly different views on all sorts of things.

redexpat Sat 11-Mar-17 11:38:11

Yambu. Completely disregards all of your unpaid labour. Presumably you do most of the housework too?

ImperialBlether Sat 11-Mar-17 11:39:17

They are showing off to each other, aren't they?

tinytemper66 Sat 11-Mar-17 11:40:10

Leave your child with them and go and have a nice day to yourself!

Trifleorbust Sat 11-Mar-17 11:41:36

Cheeky pair of bastards! She wouldn't be coming back for a start, and he would get both barrels. 'His' house? 'Not contributing'? Who the fuck does she think she is??

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 11-Mar-17 11:42:59

I'm confused - why are they saying you don't contribute to the house? If you both own it presumably you're both paying the mortgage? If you own the home equally then you need to address your DP calling it "his" house.

Or do you not contribute to the mortgage payments?

KatieScarlett Sat 11-Mar-17 11:43:17

I would have gone nuclear. Your response was really restrained under the circumstances. Hopefully she will have taken the hint and buggered off by the time you get back. I would be having serious words with DH then too.

picklemepopcorn Sat 11-Mar-17 11:44:08

Don't have the conversation in front of the two of them, as you can't really be as rude as you would like and he is less likely to back down in front of witnesses.

You tell him in private he's a dick for undermining you and failing to recognise that your home work allows him to be a parent and home owner and have work outside the home.

You tell her the same thing, and that she clearly doesn't understand the dynamics of family life.

picklemepopcorn Sat 11-Mar-17 11:44:37

If the bathroom gets mouldy, who will be cleaning it off, I wonder?

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 11-Mar-17 11:44:45

Unless you're a SAHP obviously

JaniceBattersby Sat 11-Mar-17 11:45:17

Seeing as your contribution is fuck all, I'd let them contribute fuck all today by leaving them to do fuck all with the toddler while you go out somewhere nice.

MillionToOneChances Sat 11-Mar-17 11:45:34

Or do you not contribute to the mortgage payments?

She's a SAHM, so she contributes by looking after their child hmm

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 11:47:27

Just walk out

Put your coat on, get dressed up and fuck off for the day

EllaHen Sat 11-Mar-17 11:47:48

The worst comment is your dh referring to the house as 'his'.

Your friend is merely ignorant. You dh is telling you what he thinks and being bossy to boot.

"You're not the boss of me" is a line I use whenever someone tries to instruct me at home.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 11-Mar-17 11:48:55

Million where does it say that and why are you giving me the eyebrow? My next post says "unless you are a stay at home mum obviously".

hmm right back at ya!

booloobalooloo Sat 11-Mar-17 11:49:54

I'm not currently contributing to mortgage technically as I'm not earning atm. When I was working we shared bills to ensure we have roughly the same amount of spending money left once the necessities are paid. We share the money in the same way now. Yes we agreed to this, he actively encouraged me to resign after maternity leave as his hours can be unpredictable (hes a workaholic)so we would have struggled with childcare.

Ferrisday Sat 11-Mar-17 11:50:12

Oh dear
She's commenting on you not contributing to the house because you're a sahm?

She has no right to comment, and I would wonder if he's been moaning to her

They both need talking to.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse Sat 11-Mar-17 11:50:15

I suggest you stop all 'house' work - including outside the house too like shopping etc, and stop looking after your toddler and tell DH he either needs to stay at home to look after toddler or pay for full time childcare. And then declare 'This is what not contributing looks like'

KatieScarlett Sat 11-Mar-17 11:50:18

They are married. OP is a SAHM and has been told she had no right to decide on her own home if she wishes to have a window open. Because she does not work outside the home. By her husband (who presumably is agreeable to OP being a SAHM) and her idiot friend.

Ferrisday Sat 11-Mar-17 11:51:36

I'd be furious

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 11-Mar-17 11:52:44

boo thanks for clarifying. I must have missed something in the original post as everyone seems to know you're a SAHM except me!

If your name is on the mortgage then it's legally your home too so he obviously needs to just STFU. They were both way out of order speaking to you like that. Your friend sounds like a bad friend and your DH sounds controlling.

Trifleorbust Sat 11-Mar-17 11:55:57

booloobalooloo: What you are contributing financially is irrelevant. It is legally your house and you are raising his children. Tell him to shut his face.

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