New partners(13 Posts)
Hi all, my OH walked out when my DS was 5 weeks for another woman. That relationship finished in November last year and he apologised blah blah blah can we try again.
To cut a long story short he has gone off with another woman again and I have found out he was sleeping behind the first ones back too.
So he has been with at least three woman and my son is still only 2.
I told him last night good luck in your new relationship but I would like some ground rules we both have to follow and that was that we wait a reasonable amount of time before introducing DS to new partners as I don't want him growing up with a string of 'aunties' or 'uncles' for that matter.
My ex preceded to scream at me 'he's my son and what I do with him when he is with me is my f**king business not yours'. This is a man that on Valentine's Day asked me about moving back in together and giving our marriage another go!
Am I being unreasonable? I don't want my son growing up thinking it's ok to treat woman like this! Is there anything I can do leagally?
Sorry for the long post 😔
I can't advise on the legal side but am sure someone else will be able to soon
Is screaming at you like that something he has done previously? What contact has he had with your ds since the initial separation
I don't think there is much you can do if anything. HE is right that whilst he has your son he can make the choices. Obviously a decent parent would think your idea was sensible but i'm guessing that is not a good description of him.
Thanks ladies my ex is a good dad when he wants to be but the visits are inconsistent. And yes he would scream at me if he couldn't get his own way like a 47 year old child. Over the last two years I've actively asked my ex to have his son 3 times and he has let me down each time! He is suppose to have my DS every other weekend but this weekend is the first time he has seen him since the end of Jan.
He asked what did this new woman ever do to you? I said absolutely nothing in fact I pity her because you will hurt her like the rest of us because you have already started this relationship on a lie. She thinks we split at the beginning and he omitted to tell the trying again thing! And because of that I don't want my son confused.
I would keep a note of everything
Times he let's your son down
Times he is verbally abusive to you
Does he contribute financially?
I'm getting a diary today to take a note of everything. He does contribute financially thank god.
Does he contribute the right amount for his earnings? And reliably?
Yes he does - he is very clever in that regard. He knows if he misses a payment I won't be able to afford the house I'm renting. My ex is very clever a making sure everyone thinks he the best at everything.
Unfortunately everything has to be done his way and he only hears what he wants to so I'm probably being turned to shit by everyone he tells about my unreasonable behaviour last night.
He is a typical narcissist he makes you feel like you are the queen until he gets bored and moves on. But when things go wrong it's eveyone else's fault.
When I told him about the time limit which I suggested be only 6 months he said DS is too you to know anyway which is completely disregarding his feelings 😔
Well, not to be glib but if he hardly ever sees your ds then It's probably not going to be an issue is it? Just stop arguing with him and let him get on with it. Continue to make your ds available for contact and stop getting into conversations with him about anything to do with his life. Sounds like he loves the drama, and his love life is always likely to be turbulent
seen his type before.
As sad as it is for you and your son, if contact is so inconsistent now, he prob isn't going to carry on seeing him much as he gets older anyway?
Focus your energies on providing a secure loving home for your son without this bellend. Also, is there any way you can look to move somewhere more affordable to rent long term? Relying on his money to sustain the roof over your head is a precarious position to be in. I understand that sometimes it's unavoidable, but if you can avoid it - I would.
I second what whatsfair said.
Also cut down the amount of headspace you give to this idiot. Perhaps communicate only via email, block his number if you have to. There is no requirement that you have to speak to him via telephone.
He will. Kick off but so what, the more he does the, more you tell him you are not listening.
Start to plan your life with your DC only, your ex is unreliable so remove him from the equation.
If you get the opportunity I would also tell his girlfriend the truth as she deserves to know.
Thanks ladies I know you're right. I made a grave mistake in loving him but I have my DS. In the last two days he has asked me three times if I'm going to send her a message that just tells me he is already lied to her.
However looking at her FB profile she left someone for my ex so maybe they deserve each other and while they are together he stops messing with my head!
I'm also looking for somewhere cheaper so will not be reliant on him financially either 😊
Good luck with everything.
Stay strong. Don't message this other woman. Stop responding to anything he messages you about which does not directly relate to your ds. Rise above it all!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.