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To not understand name changing for subsequent marriages?

(33 Posts)
Themoonthestars Fri 10-Mar-17 21:25:36

I know it's absolutely none of my business, and I'd never dream of voicing my opinion in real life, but I do wonder why women bother changing their name again when they've been married 2, 3 times.

Although I didn't change my own name, I can understand people keeping the tradition when it's a first marriage or a marriage in which you're going to have children as they want everyone to have the same name.

I know a few women who've remarried and even married for a third time in their 50s, their children have their other name, and the woman is on her third surname. I know someone who's changed her name 4 times.

Each to their own and I know it's none of my business but I cant help wondering.

foursthescore Fri 10-Mar-17 21:30:21

I'm marrying my second dh this year and I will absolutely take his name, because I love him and I want to be mr and mrs X. My ds is by my exh and of course he will keep his dads name, just as he should. But for me, my first marriage had gone so rotten that I couldn't wait to get rid of his name. It's cleansing, like I'm breaking free of him.

Fairylea Fri 10-Mar-17 21:32:19

Totally agree with foursthescore. I am remarried and couldn't wait to take my dhs name. I even switched back to my original name between my first husband and my second and then changed again. Whatever makes someone happy really!

Themoonthestars Fri 10-Mar-17 21:35:46

Thanks for not biting my head off btw.

I'd not thought of it in terms of getting rid of the ex dhs name.

GlacindaTheTroll Fri 10-Mar-17 21:36:26

So your friend is Gail Potter/Tilsley/Platt/Hillman/MacIntyre/Rodman?

I don't think there's anything additionally strange about someone changing their name on a subsequent marriage, no more than the first time.

oleoleoleole Fri 10-Mar-17 21:37:25

I'm on my fourth surname.

Maiden name

Marriage no 1 - changed to Mrs number 1

Divorced - changed to Mrs number 1-maiden name (double barrelled, married name with maiden name)

Marriage no 2 - changed to Mrs number 2

For me when I became Mrs number 1 I wanted to take mr number 1's name and didn't th I about retaining my maiden name. Upon divorce I was desperate to get rid of his name but my children were very young and had his name so I added my maiden name at the end.

When I remarried I took DH2's last name. I would have happily kept my maiden name too at that stage but wanted his as well and they didn't work double barrelled either way round.

For me, my name is part of my identity and I identify as being married to my lovely DH and wanting his name.

That's my story, interesting to see if others in similar situations have different reasons.

Willyoujustbequiet Fri 10-Mar-17 21:40:17

I dont get it but then I would never change in the first place and dc will always have my name. If I married a 2nd/3rd/4th they are more than welcome to change their names to mine smile

MillionToOneChances Fri 10-Mar-17 21:42:32

I kept my ex's name to keep my children's name, but if I remarried I'd change it because I wouldn't want to have my ex husband's name at that point. I'm surprised you find it so surprising.

Themoonthestars Fri 10-Mar-17 21:42:42

Pretty much glacinda it's a couple of the managers at work they've changed their names a few times over the years because they've remarried.

I was just talking to dh saying how there's loads of themoonthestars in the next generation because a lot of the women in my family have kept their names and named the dc. He said we were not proper themoonthestars I think he was partly winding me up but it just bugged me the idea that as a woman I never have a 'proper' name.**

harderandharder2breathe Fri 10-Mar-17 21:43:06

I think people do it as a sign of commitment to their DH, same as why people do it for a first marriage

I appreciate that sometimes people don't want to change it (e.g. To keep the same name as their kids, changed views on the tradition as they've got older etc) but to say there's no point for second marriages suggests they're somehow less than first marriages

My fathers partner still has her married name from 1st husband (not married to my dad) but she uses maiden name married name my dads name on fb.

justdontevenfuckingstart Fri 10-Mar-17 21:44:45

My girls have their dad's name (my married name) I then changed to my maiden name when we divorced. My business and bookface name is my partners name which I will change to when we eventually get round to marrying.

Graceflorrick Fri 10-Mar-17 21:47:50

I agree with you OP, but then I didn't feel compelled to change my name when I married DH.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 10-Mar-17 21:48:53

I wish I hadn't changed mine for the first marriage.

I think there is a little bit of expectation. Like if you changed your name for the first DH, why is he less important?

Themoonthestars Fri 10-Mar-17 21:50:15

I definitely don't think subsequent marriages are less important.

Just I suppose I'm thinking in terms of a family name with children. I suppose people change their name even if they're not having children.

My grandmother had 3 marriages and 3 surnames. Her third husband was the love of her life so I guess that's why.

I don't like the idea that my name is disposable that's just me.

I'm definitely not saying subsequent marriages are less valid, just thinking differently about the reasons women change their name.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:51:48

My parents have been divorced for about 30 years and my mom still has her married name. She said she didn't want to go back to her maiden name because she wanted the same surname as me and my sister. I suppose now, after 30 years with my dad's surname, it's just too much hassle for her to go back to her maiden name.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 10-Mar-17 21:52:55

Well I changed first time, didn't have children. Didn't change the second time and did have a baby. Children aren't always in a first marriage.

Wriggler79 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:53:36

I'm saving to divorce my ex. I will then change my surname to that of my partner. I prefer it to my maiden name; easier to spell, and can only be pronounced one way. Plus, I wanted to be Mrs ** when I first loved DP at age 16. So it's a teenage dream come true 🙄😍

buckingfrolicks Fri 10-Mar-17 21:53:57

if you're on husband 4, then I think name changing is abit pitiful, given that you've already proved to yourself that marriage is

a) not for life
b) not a merging of two separate people into one union
c) an old fashioned way of identifying the child of the man by giving the child the man's name.

Why anyone does it once, never mind four times, is beyond me

happy2bhomely Fri 10-Mar-17 21:56:42

I am married. I kept my name.

We had 3 children before we got married. They have my name.
We had another 2 children after we got married. They have DH's name.

My DM divorced my dad but kept her married name because it was apparently important for her to have the same name as her children. She then got remarried and took her new DH's name.

It's all very strange. Her DH told her that they would not go on their honeymoon unless her passport was updated to his name as it was disrespectful for her to still use another man's name.

So now my mum shares a surname with his children and I share mine with my dad's new wife. hmm

Wriggler79 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:57:33

(He doesn't believe in marriage and I couldn't be arsed to go through all that again). Pretty sure we're together for life though.

Themoonthestars Fri 10-Mar-17 21:58:18

Yes that's very true mrsterrypratchett

HeadDreamer Fri 10-Mar-17 21:58:58

If you have done it for the first marriage then surely you need to do it for the second? Otherwise it makes it seem like the second is less important? It's like you have to treat all your children equally.

FWIW I kept my birth name. It is my name and will forever be.

SalemSaberhagen Fri 10-Mar-17 22:00:06

Or bucking you could be like my grandmother. Left her first abusive husband, and her subsequent 3, yes 3, husbands passed away. Don't be so judgemental.

HeadDreamer Fri 10-Mar-17 22:01:20

My DM divorced my dad but kept her married name because it was apparently important for her to have the same name as her children. She then got remarried and took her new DH's name.
It's not strange if you think of it that females wear the title Mrs and their husbands name as a badge of honour. They have a husband and a family. We are drilled into us marrying our prince is our goal in life.

annandale Fri 10-Mar-17 22:02:51

I wish I hadn't changed my name in the first place but I did, and when I met DH, I had xh's surname. We'd never had kids and weren't in touch any more so I had this rather random name. It just made no sense to me to keep it once I was married to DH. God it was annoying paying for another lot of identity documents. Never again.

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