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To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

(196 Posts)
ParsleyCake Fri 10-Mar-17 15:35:36

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!

Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Fri 10-Mar-17 15:37:39

Do you never go out 12-2? Like never ever ?

If he won't enjoy it don't take him but I'd probably say we were out elsewhere rather than sorry he needs to nap

SophieofShepherdsBush Fri 10-Mar-17 15:39:11

If you are neighbours just go, and explain that you might have to leave if he's too tired to stay. He might be OK for a while. If not, you tried.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 10-Mar-17 15:41:30

I would just go, and then if he gets upset because he's tired, take him home.

Have you tried cutting his nap short? So give him an hour and wake at 1? Or maybe try waking 30mins early and let him go down 30mins.

If you are neighbors then how does it take you an hour to get to the party? Is the party not at home?

SorrelSoup Fri 10-Mar-17 15:43:23

Mine were the same, but I'd try it and see how it goes. You might get an hour out of him.

littlefrog3 Fri 10-Mar-17 15:43:58

I have to admit, I would fine that a massive restriction. Never being able to go out/do anything between midday and 2pm. If you go out around 11.30am and he's at a party, I'm sure he will stay awake and enjoy the party and be fine. Then he will (probably) fall asleep later (like at 3pm.)

Otherwise, just say you can't make it.

TinyTear Fri 10-Mar-17 15:45:18

Is it a 2yo party? that seems like the time for an older child's party to which you are also invited... odd timing for a party unless they are serving lunch anyway

I am having my 2yo party soon but chose 2h30 - 4h30 not to clash with naps.

But even at just under 2 she can cope with a change of routine, one day we even forgot about her nap until it was 5pm!

MaverickSnoopy Fri 10-Mar-17 15:46:20

I would go and leave early if needed. I say this as someone whose DD was exactly the same. In the beginning when she was little we would decline things and people used to get quite upset. So in the end we would just go and let them see for themselves. On very rare occasions she'd manage a bit and we'd leave early. She would then nap in the car. Mostly though we'd get through the door and have to leave straight away. I feel your pain!

HeyRoly Fri 10-Mar-17 15:46:42

I'd decline too.

Nap time is sacrosanct in my house. And yeah, it involves staying indoors at that time. Same for both of my children!

Hissy Fri 10-Mar-17 15:47:30

Tbh, MOST toddlers Would be flagging at that time, I think your friend is a little daft to hold anything at 12.

Cheby Fri 10-Mar-17 15:49:29

This is the downside of having a strict routine. My child was a total and complete nap refuser. Major PITA but at least we could be a bit flexible!

I've got a friend in a similar situation. She's upset her friend won't make the effort for the party. I would give it my best shot. Turn up, if he gets upset and fusses then make your apologies and go home. Your friend will at least see you aren't exaggerating, and you never know, he might stay awake and enjoy it.

MrsGB2225 Fri 10-Mar-17 15:49:51

Can you go for a drive 10.30-12 so your little one has an early nap?

HecateAntaia Fri 10-Mar-17 15:50:45

tbh id just not go.
he's 2. he wont give a shit.
his playmate is 2? 3? also unlikely to give a shit about a missing playmate when there's cake and presents. (fickle toddlers 😂)
id pop round with a card and a present either tonight and tomorrow and say sorry, we are having a hell of a time with him atm.

if shes got a toddler this wont come as a surprise 😁

it's just not a big deal imo.

certainly not worth having a screaming toddler for the sake a cake, balloons and a little friend who will be so hyper they wont know which ways up

Vagabond Fri 10-Mar-17 15:51:24

I'd have said no too. For my own sanity. smile

NerrSnerr Fri 10-Mar-17 15:51:45

Would he nap earlier if you took him out in the car? My gut feeling would be to go but tell her you'll have to take him home if he's too much of a nightmare.

What happens when you're out for the day?

ParsleyCake Fri 10-Mar-17 15:52:20

Yes, the boy is a year older, and the party is out of town. It's probably going to cost us quite a bit on a taxi to get there and back too. I'm not sure I want to try buses as I think there would be walking through countryside involved if I did that, and it would take quite a bit longer to get there...

It's a massive restriction? You're telling me lol! I thought this was just par for the course in parent hood. I sacrificed my social life for my son, it's true but I would rather he was happy and rested. He thrives on routine. There was a time when he would sleep in his pram while we were out - doesn't happen anymore I'm afraid. If you think this is bad, imagine how I felt when it was two naps a day!

Ugh, such simple things are such a challenge!

Partyfops Fri 10-Mar-17 15:53:27

Could you get him down for an hour between 11.30 until 12.30 or 1 and take him for an hour?

SorrelSoup Fri 10-Mar-17 15:54:35

For the sake of expensive taxis I wouldn't bother anyway!!

ParsleyCake Fri 10-Mar-17 15:56:03

The party is at some kind of softplay/kids entertainment place in a village out of town.

To the person who asked what we do when we are out for the day - we don't go out for a full day. Don't judge us for letting the toddler rule our lives, things are just much harder when you have to rely on public transport or walk.

ExplodedCloud Fri 10-Mar-17 15:56:16

One of mine was totally routine driven and we would have had to say no. The other probably could have coped but their behaviour would have deteriorated horribly if they were tired.

ScarlettFreestone Fri 10-Mar-17 15:58:17

If it doesn't work for you then it doesn't. Just explain nicely to the neighbour, maybe suggest a play date (with cake) another day.

My twins were fairly flexible re nap time but then they also dropped daytime naps before they were 2yo (sad) Some of my friends toddlers were just like your DS, you have to parent for the child you have.

Pollyanna9 Fri 10-Mar-17 16:00:02

It's not a case of 'never' able to go out at that time though is it!

Before she knows it, OPs little one will be in a different pattern.

Me, I'd not go but that's just me.

JaneEyre70 Fri 10-Mar-17 16:03:20

I'd say just you'd love to have gone but you can set your watch by his routine and he's just miserable without a sleep. She's got kids herself, she'll understand. Perhaps drop a little gift in too?

Justwantcookies Fri 10-Mar-17 16:03:37

I'd say its a perfect time to start cutting out the nap or at least cutting it down. Can he tell the time at age 2? if not how is he going to know its 12pm?

Do you seriously never go anywhere between 12 and 2?

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