for wanting someone to prioritise me for once?(8 Posts)
This is going to be moany and probably selfish sounding but feel like I'm having a hard time.
Have moved cities recently and have been struggling to make friends and settle. With the move most of my previous friends have disappeared. Many of the people I've met here have family around so don't have much time to see me, one lady in particular has been great but we often struggle to get ourselves today due to this.
My mum currently is rather unavailable to me. She doesn't live too far away and has done a day trip here but most of the time she is busy supporting my sisters. They both have children with extra needs and as she puts it ' but you always cope so well'.
Recently finally made a friend who I was seeing regularly. The trouble is she has also cancelled seeing me a number of times either very last minute or even by not showing up. There's always (sort of ) a reason. She's fallen asleep (in the middle of the day) or overslept in the morning a couple times meaning that it's then too late to do what we have planned or she done the housework she needed to done so had to stay home till she'd done it. Once her neighbour came round upset just as she needed too leave and she felt she couldn't just walk away. Yesterday the motorway near here was shut meaning there was extra traffic in town but we were due to meet up. I left a little early to allow for this but when I got there found I had a message to say that she was cancelling because of it and taking her boy swimming instead. I tried to talk to her about it today and why I was upset but she says she will always prioritise her boy. Which I suppose is quite right really though I still disagree a But.
But it's got me thinking a bit, what about me? It's been a really rough move for me, I didn't want to but my dh got a job here so I didn't really feel i had a choice. So where is my support? Who prioritises me? Aibu And should just pull up my socks and get on with it like I normally do?
Pull up your socks and stop prioritizing people who don't prioritize you.
What about your husband? He owes you big time for prioritizing him in the move. I do hope he does prioritize you.
Downgrade your unreliable friend to someone you see when it is zero effort for you, and with whom you cancel everything that isn't convenient to you, just as she does.
Find new friends.
You sound a bit down it's really difficult moving house/area so dramatically and I think after everyone else is sorted, schools, work, house etc it's quite normal to have a period where you feel like this.
I think you need to get yourself out and about and meet new people and do things for yourself that make you happy
I feel really down and had told her that she she'd offered to meet so I can talk. And then this happened. I've left the door open for more meets, but not feeling I want to atm incase it happens again.
I try getting out and taking my lo out to groups but I'm struggling as she's now a toddler and most mums seem to have established friendships by now which are hard to break into. X
I personally would give her a taste of her own medicine. Cancel on her after she sets out & see what she has to say to that. Then downgrade her: you don't need shitty people in your life.
Can you join a gym/walking/hobby group locally? I felt much the same as you then joined a climbing group & felt so much happier.
Why not enrol your toddler at the parent & child classes at your local pool?
Soft play places have activity mornings too!!
It's quite difficult when you move. It took me a good 6-8 months of felling like I had no actual friends even though I had met some people (acquaintances) at toddler groups etc. I was very down. Spoke to DH and he said give it another 6 months and if you feel the same we'll move back (he doesn't remember this now!)
Anyway he was right - in that time I got to know some people better and met more people and invited women from baby group round with their husbands (and kids - no babysitter excuses) and it all became a bit easier.
I suspect like me you are a people pleaser. Hence you would think to leave earlier because of road problems whereas others will think "oh well next time". Also to you it feels more important because of how you generally feel friendless at the moment. To them they have their network so its no biggy.
Stick with attempts to make friendships and carry on being nice - it will click with someone soon.
You always have us to chat to on here. If you want to PM where you live I'll meet you for coffee if local!
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